Response title
This is preview!
Hello,
My husband and I have been married for over a year now and things were absolutely great but I don't know where we're at now. I'm about 7 months pregnant and ever since we find out things have been deminishing. We've always been very communicative, sexual, fun, happy people. He hadn't been in a relationship for maybe about 3 years before me, well what we would call a relationship. He wasn't ready for marriage and she was so they split up and he moved on. He's been in the military for six years now and we met right before he was deployed to Afghanistan in 2006. I guess I got his attention b/c the moment he left he immediately emailed me and we talked everyday since. We weren't "official" for a while b/c we had only met a weekend and he was so far away. I was scared. I learned a lot about him in that time. He used to be on online dating services trying to meet women, he was still talking to his ex (which I think she did b/c she didn't want him to want anyone else), he likes porn (A lot). I didn't care about the dating services, hell everyone is trying that these days and some have actually found someone. The ex didn't really bother me as long as he stopped talking to her and didn't want to be with her. Now the porn isn't a big deal in any way. I like it and think it's a fun way for a couple to enjoy their sex life together. We got married last July and finally were able to move in together this past February. We were so happy we were finally getting what we had been wanting for a while. I kind of felt he was acting a little weird with his texting, phone conversations, myspace and emails. He would leave the room or ignore his texts when I was in the room and never check his myspace or emails either when I was around. So I said something about it. He said if I was uncomfortable with it that I could check his stuff myself. I didn't want to at first but I did it. I found emails with his ex that were sent just days before we were originally supposed to marry of him telling her he loved her and thought about her everyday and was basically never going to love anyone more. At that time she had been married about 2 years and has a kid with her husband. There were other emails before that where he had asked her about the four of us getting together and she said no b/c she didn't want to see him with anyone else. That right there tells me she still loves him and should've said something about that but didn't. He was also emailing women and her for naked pictures of them. I don't know who these women were but it bothered me. He had asked me to that for him also. I had never done that for anyone but I felt so comfortable with him and I didn't care. But knowing that I wasn't the first he asked made me upset. I was so crushed. I talked to him about the email and all he said was he didn't even remember doing it and then changed it to he doesn't know why he did. He stopped talking to her so I got over all that. Now, my pc has been broken for a while so I've had to use his laptop. When you start it his Yahoo! Messenger signs in automatically but I usually close it. One day I had to go answer a call and forgot to close it and went about my business on the laptop. Out of nowhere some woman starts messaging me asking to see my husbands "hard c***" and then some. I asked who it was and told her my husband didn't do that stuff. He's always told me that I was the only person he ever "played" with via webcam and messaging. She was able to describe my husband to me, she even knew he was married. I told her to stop writing him and changed his preferences to block everyone that's not on his list. I instantly started crying I was so hurt. I went to see if he saves his conversations, which he did for a bit and I saw that he was initiating these conversations in chatting and having cybersex with women. He told some of them he was married that we were moving in together but for the most part he was always "bored." I didn't know what to think of that. He was in Virginia at the time in school for his new job in the army and I was in Florida where I lived at the time. I understand that people get "bored" and lonely but I did a HUGE thing and waited for him. I don't believe in long distant relationships and he knew that but I felt I had to be with him. I even drove up to Virginia by myself to see him for a weekend and we had lots and lots of sex when I was there. I mean before we got pregnant we were having sex 2-4 times a day when we were together. He's gone longer than just a few weeks not having sex so that was a bit weird to me. I confronted him about it and he tried to tell me that whoever was saying that was lying. I told him that he was lying because I saw the conversations and it was on his laptop. While I saw those conversations I also saw that he still talks about "f***ing" his lesbian friend from NY. they've been friends for a few years and I like her. She's very nice, I just think it's a little inappropriate for them to talk about that. She also admitted to him that when they first met she thought of having sex with him. I feel like I can't trust that friendship anymore. But now that I'm pregnant we don't have sex as much, there's no romance and we just have lots of problems. He doesn't make me feel attractive anymore or loved. He used to want to make "love" to me but now all he ever wants to do is have rough sex and make me his "whore." I'm all for having fun with our sex but my body is fragile now and I would like things to just be slow and intimate sometimes. He doesn't get that no matter how many times I say that. He doesn't compliment me anymore or do nice things for me. I've never stopped doing nice things for him or the things he asks me to do for him sexually. I know he's stressed out b/c he's getting deployed and more than likely won't be around for the birth but I am too. I want to talk to him about the things that are on our minds but he doesn't want to talk. He actually said to me that he doesn't tell me what's stressing him b/c I'm dealing with my own stresses and being pregnant. Just b/c I'm the one physically pregnant doesn't make it my own to deal with. He's the father and should be there for me. Now that we're married our individual problems are OURS now. He thinks that I'm not supposed to worry about things b/c he's the husband and it's his job to take care of me and the baby. I keep trying to tell him that if that's his job that mine is to take care of him. Now with all that he used to do before we met I've noticed the mornings that we've argued the night before or he doesn't have to do his physical trainging he'll wake up early and stay downstairs on his laptop. I found out he does that to look at porn and masturbate. That really doesn't seem right that we argued and it's not resolved and he's worrying about getting himself off. He told me that he looks at porn when he's horny and knows I don't want to have sex. So again he's basically worried more about getting himself off than our argument. Where he thinks I don't want to sex I don't know. He doesn't attempt to try or ask me. He just gets up and goes downstairs. I personally think that maybe he doesn't want to have sex just doesn't want to admit it. All he ever talked about before we got pregnant was getting me pregnant and how sexy I'm going to look with my belly.I think he's just so used to always getting off via porn, webcams, chatting, etc. He also at one point had a "f*** buddy" and was trying to get women to meet him at hotels to have sex. Is he addicted to sex? Can he really commit? I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like no matter what I do for him it's probably not going to be enough. Like he needs that variety unemotional sex. I've been thinking a lot about getting a divorce b/c I don't know if I'll be able to handle being with him. Things are just going to get worse when the baby comes and we're back in our house together. He says he doesn't want me to go anywhere and wants only me but his actions don't make me feel that way.
Sorry that was so long. I've just had a lot to deal with and on my mind.
My husband and I have been married for over a year now and things were absolutely great but I don't know where we're at now. I'm about 7 months pregnant and ever since we find out things have been deminishing. We've always been very communicative, sexual, fun, happy people. He hadn't been in a relationship for maybe about 3 years before me, well what we would call a relationship. He wasn't ready for marriage and she was so they split up and he moved on. He's been in the military for six years now and we met right before he was deployed to Afghanistan in 2006. I guess I got his attention b/c the moment he left he immediately emailed me and we talked everyday since. We weren't "official" for a while b/c we had only met a weekend and he was so far away. I was scared. I learned a lot about him in that time. He used to be on online dating services trying to meet women, he was still talking to his ex (which I think she did b/c she didn't want him to want anyone else), he likes porn (A lot). I didn't care about the dating services, hell everyone is trying that these days and some have actually found someone. The ex didn't really bother me as long as he stopped talking to her and didn't want to be with her. Now the porn isn't a big deal in any way. I like it and think it's a fun way for a couple to enjoy their sex life together. We got married last July and finally were able to move in together this past February. We were so happy we were finally getting what we had been wanting for a while. I kind of felt he was acting a little weird with his texting, phone conversations, myspace and emails. He would leave the room or ignore his texts when I was in the room and never check his myspace or emails either when I was around. So I said something about it. He said if I was uncomfortable with it that I could check his stuff myself. I didn't want to at first but I did it. I found emails with his ex that were sent just days before we were originally supposed to marry of him telling her he loved her and thought about her everyday and was basically never going to love anyone more. At that time she had been married about 2 years and has a kid with her husband. There were other emails before that where he had asked her about the four of us getting together and she said no b/c she didn't want to see him with anyone else. That right there tells me she still loves him and should've said something about that but didn't. He was also emailing women and her for naked pictures of them. I don't know who these women were but it bothered me. He had asked me to that for him also. I had never done that for anyone but I felt so comfortable with him and I didn't care. But knowing that I wasn't the first he asked made me upset. I was so crushed. I talked to him about the email and all he said was he didn't even remember doing it and then changed it to he doesn't know why he did. He stopped talking to her so I got over all that. Now, my pc has been broken for a while so I've had to use his laptop. When you start it his Yahoo! Messenger signs in automatically but I usually close it. One day I had to go answer a call and forgot to close it and went about my business on the laptop. Out of nowhere some woman starts messaging me asking to see my husbands "hard c***" and then some. I asked who it was and told her my husband didn't do that stuff. He's always told me that I was the only person he ever "played" with via webcam and messaging. She was able to describe my husband to me, she even knew he was married. I told her to stop writing him and changed his preferences to block everyone that's not on his list. I instantly started crying I was so hurt. I went to see if he saves his conversations, which he did for a bit and I saw that he was initiating these conversations in chatting and having cybersex with women. He told some of them he was married that we were moving in together but for the most part he was always "bored." I didn't know what to think of that. He was in Virginia at the time in school for his new job in the army and I was in Florida where I lived at the time. I understand that people get "bored" and lonely but I did a HUGE thing and waited for him. I don't believe in long distant relationships and he knew that but I felt I had to be with him. I even drove up to Virginia by myself to see him for a weekend and we had lots and lots of sex when I was there. I mean before we got pregnant we were having sex 2-4 times a day when we were together. He's gone longer than just a few weeks not having sex so that was a bit weird to me. I confronted him about it and he tried to tell me that whoever was saying that was lying. I told him that he was lying because I saw the conversations and it was on his laptop. While I saw those conversations I also saw that he still talks about "f***ing" his lesbian friend from NY. they've been friends for a few years and I like her. She's very nice, I just think it's a little inappropriate for them to talk about that. She also admitted to him that when they first met she thought of having sex with him. I feel like I can't trust that friendship anymore. But now that I'm pregnant we don't have sex as much, there's no romance and we just have lots of problems. He doesn't make me feel attractive anymore or loved. He used to want to make "love" to me but now all he ever wants to do is have rough sex and make me his "whore." I'm all for having fun with our sex but my body is fragile now and I would like things to just be slow and intimate sometimes. He doesn't get that no matter how many times I say that. He doesn't compliment me anymore or do nice things for me. I've never stopped doing nice things for him or the things he asks me to do for him sexually. I know he's stressed out b/c he's getting deployed and more than likely won't be around for the birth but I am too. I want to talk to him about the things that are on our minds but he doesn't want to talk. He actually said to me that he doesn't tell me what's stressing him b/c I'm dealing with my own stresses and being pregnant. Just b/c I'm the one physically pregnant doesn't make it my own to deal with. He's the father and should be there for me. Now that we're married our individual problems are OURS now. He thinks that I'm not supposed to worry about things b/c he's the husband and it's his job to take care of me and the baby. I keep trying to tell him that if that's his job that mine is to take care of him. Now with all that he used to do before we met I've noticed the mornings that we've argued the night before or he doesn't have to do his physical trainging he'll wake up early and stay downstairs on his laptop. I found out he does that to look at porn and masturbate. That really doesn't seem right that we argued and it's not resolved and he's worrying about getting himself off. He told me that he looks at porn when he's horny and knows I don't want to have sex. So again he's basically worried more about getting himself off than our argument. Where he thinks I don't want to sex I don't know. He doesn't attempt to try or ask me. He just gets up and goes downstairs. I personally think that maybe he doesn't want to have sex just doesn't want to admit it. All he ever talked about before we got pregnant was getting me pregnant and how sexy I'm going to look with my belly.I think he's just so used to always getting off via porn, webcams, chatting, etc. He also at one point had a "f*** buddy" and was trying to get women to meet him at hotels to have sex. Is he addicted to sex? Can he really commit? I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like no matter what I do for him it's probably not going to be enough. Like he needs that variety unemotional sex. I've been thinking a lot about getting a divorce b/c I don't know if I'll be able to handle being with him. Things are just going to get worse when the baby comes and we're back in our house together. He says he doesn't want me to go anywhere and wants only me but his actions don't make me feel that way.
Sorry that was so long. I've just had a lot to deal with and on my mind.
