I kicked my boyfriend out! I want him back! What do I do?

in Love and Relationships » Break Up and Divorce • 2 years ago

My boyfriend has broken down the trust in our relationship. We lived together and he started lying about money. Well I found out he was doing drugs. I tried to support him but I was angry. I caught him four times and I was verbally abusive to him. I called his family for help and they suggested I kick him out. I have children and I should not have them subjected to that. I love him so much. I kicked him out several times before and took him back. But this time is different. Now he is telling me, he doesnt want me anymore and that I blow things up bigger than what they are. Now I feel bad and mad. He lost his job back in July of 2008 and just started working again in March of 2009 as a FedEx driver. They gave him a phone and credit card in his name. He went crazy spent money on the credit card on rooms to do drugs in. When it was time for him to pay bills he broke down and told me the truth. I did not know what to do. He told his family and they started taking him to NA meetings. But a couple days went by and he told me he was going to start going out with his friends and he got a bank account and he will just give me cash for the bills but I can not see his bank statements or paystubs. Well I tried to tell him the trusts is gone and we need to build back up the trust but he stated as long as he gives me money that should be enough. Well he would leave the house at 6 am and come home at 7pm and then leave at 8pm and come home at 12am. This was almost everyday for six weeks. Then one night he did not come home or call. That back the camels back. When he did come home I questioned him and his story just kept changing then he became frustrated and verbally attacked me. I kicked him out. Well we talked on the phone but he keeps stating he doesnt want to be with me anymore. I was too controlling and I am all about money. I know I did the right thing and I gave him my all but now what am I supposed to do. I am in-love with him and I know he loves me. He has admitted he messed up but now he doesnt want to be with me anymore. I havent spoken to him in two days. Even thou I kicked him out all the bills are backed up because I was taking care of all the bills for 9 months and I feel he used me. I am mad and angry and hurt but I still love him.

Replies(4)

Xero

Re: I kicked my boyfriend out! I want him back! What do I do?

2 years ago

You should seriously stop this. All you are doing is taking him and kicking him out again, if you take him in again you will just kick him out again. It seems to me to be a never ending cycle. I see how you hurt each other, and how he treats you and makes you want him back.

You where not wrong at all of being controlling with the money, that was the right thing to do in helping him. But it was abused, and you kicked him out and now he wont return. I think you should let him be and move on with your life. Because these bills are not going to pay them selves, and you have other issues at hand rather than to babysit an adult. Who should be helping you pay the bills.

I think it's time to say good bye and move on to better things, or things are going to be the same and get no where. The only way I would take him back is if he where to go get a job and have a steady job for along time with no financial problems. Obviously this has yet to come at all.

I'm sorry to say what I have, but it is the truth, and needs to be said before you do this all over again.

april_sho..

Re: I kicked my boyfriend out! I want him back! What do I do?

2 years ago

I know that something has to change and I am fully understanding that. However in your comment you stated I was right to monitor the money but it was abused and I kicked him out. Thats not why he doesnt want to come back. He has a drug problem. And he is embarassed his family knows about it. He stated that I was not as supportive as he wanted me to be. Have you ever heard of the statement "people remember what you do to them not what they do to you." I am praying he will wise up sooner than later. He says he is angry and mad right now. He has not felt the hurt or pain of losing me yet. And I tried for hours to communicate with him before I kicked him out. I do not know many people who would not have kicked him out after telling them to kiss his ass. I supported him when he was down. My plan is to stay away but I still love him. He chased me for three years I hope he comes back clean and sober. Plus more mature. And I hope he wises up sooner than later before someone else comes into my life. I dont want to give up on him but I have boundaries that I was not sticking to them. And I was not going to take him back so fast this time without change but I thought he would have been mature enough to still help pay the bills he created. Oh well. Thats why I dont trust people. I need to believe he will change for the better because I am scared this experience will make me very bitter.

theresa_d..

the hard answer

2 years ago

when you became a parent you took on a responsibility like no other......what you do with this relationship will impact your children more than you know...what lesson are you teaching your children about how responsible people act?they see a man who argues with their mother does drugs and ruins his credit get rewarded for his bad behavior......do you want your children to grow up like that,date partners like that....or worse raise a family with a person like that ?

right now you are suffering from withdrawal and dont know how to handle it,so a fix seems like a good idea....if you really need it i suggest a hotel .set up a "break date" and make yourself agree never to see him after that day you decided on.....soak up all you can and then walk away....you get your fix you keep your self respect and you dont subject your children to bad influences

not my conventional advice but i can say ive been there and telling you to run away just wont be heard.....do what you have to do and then move on with life

Beagle

Re: I kicked my boyfriend out! I want him back! What do I do?

2 years ago

As usual, Xero and Theresa are right on the money. A relationship with someone with an active addiction is impossible. They will always choose the drugs over you, and even over your children if it comes to that. I agree with Xero's observation that this probably isn't what you want to hear, but it's what you need to hear. I think you have some pretty serious denial going on here.

Theresa didn't use the word, but I think she sees the same thing that I see; that you're enabling his irresponsible behavior. You need to Google the word "Co-dependent."

You don't need this guy back. I agree with Theresa. Your children deserve better than what they're seeing. Also, you need to get yourself into therapy to understand why you keep chasing after a man who treats you like this. I agree with Theresa, that you're hooked on him, but I think there's more than that going on here. You need to let him stay where he is and get help for yourself before you repeat this pattern with someone else. FYI, he'll be back when he runs out of people who are willing to rescue him.