Ask Dan & Jennifer

Sorry, but...just tell her.
If you aren't willing to tell her, then what can you do?
Maybe drop a few hints, subtly ask if she's a lesbian. Other than this,the only thing to do is to tell her. If you don't have the courage to say how you feel, then how are you going to manage the questions in the relationship?
My advice is to look for confidence building excercises, or try my 'blink rule'. For the time it takes you to blink, do something you wouldn't normally do. Something in that short a time can't do anything too bad.

I agree that dropping hints is the best way to go. You can find out how someone feels about something without laying all your cards on the table. If you watch a movie with two girls kissing, you can look at her reaction. If she's disgusted, there's no point in bringing it up.

I can tell you there's no way to pursue this without risking the friendship. It's almost, but not totally, impossible to return to friendship once a relationship has taken on sexual overtones. One option is to get her into a sexually charged atmosphere. For example, a bunch of friends over and playing a game with sexual overtones.

You could just always ask her "Have you ever kissed a girl?" you can probably tell from her reaction if she's at all interested.

You can discuss something without being inappropriate. You don't have to say "I want to jump you." You can just bring up the subject and observe her reaction.

One thing that amazes me is how often people are thinking exactly the same thing but nothing ever happens because they assume the other person feels the opposite way. "Assumption is the mother of all _______."

Originally posted by: Beagle
I agree that dropping hints is the best way to go. You can find out how someone feels about something without laying all your cards on the table. If you watch a movie with two girls kissing, you can look at her reaction. If she's disgusted, there's no point in bringing it up.

I can tell you there's no way to pursue this without risking the friendship. It's almost, but not totally, impossible to return to friendship once a relationship has taken on sexual overtones. One option is to get her into a sexually charged atmosphere. For example, a bunch of friends over and playing a game with sexual overtones.

You could just always ask her "Have you ever kissed a girl?" you can probably tell from her reaction if she's at all interested.

You can discuss something without being inappropriate. You don't have to say "I want to jump you." You can just bring up the subject and observe her reaction.

One thing that amazes me is how often people are thinking exactly the same thing but nothing ever happens because they assume the other person feels the opposite way. "Assumption is the mother of all _______."

oka, ill explain the situation a little more~
no, she doesn't feel awkward during any movies and such with girls kissing (she might comment with a joke, which is a lot like her) and as a matter of fact, she is pretty much known for touching girls (she does), but more in a joking manner-- if you know what i mean. wHats more was that when we were younger, we had another friend that also played dirty jokes with her and what not (i was not part of it since i totally disgusted by it then-- what do you know now, huh?) and they have "played" with each other (for like ten seconds in public) and it wasn't anything too into it. My main point is, no, she isn't even close to hating it or disgusted by it-- but i don't know if she's interested in LITERALLY dating a girl, since everything she does with that is just a joke... isn't it? Truth is, though, ever since i found out i liked her, I kinda started avoided her and now we barely talk-- we still do, and hang out and stuff but it's not even just the two of us anymore (kinda miss that) and i kno this is just an ego issue, but i hate to be the one who calls first (i should probably ask though, shouldn't I?)-- it's just that it's probably going to be like, why are you suddenly asking now since you've keep on avoiding me? reaction~ And now im EVEN MORE lost~

What do I do?

Swallow your pride and call your friend. Worse case scenario; you've swallowed you pride for nothing. Best case scenario; you get your friend back, and possibly more. Almost nothing to lose; lot to gain. The cost-benefit analysis is definitely positive.

Regarding the attraction; I can't believe I'm a 44 year old man quoting a rapper, but here goes : "A lot of truth is said in jest." (Dr. Dre) It looks like to me all lights are go here. She seems to be sending signals. You can always back up if she seems uncomfortable.

In my junior year of college, I sat next to this gorgeous girl in economics class. I never could work up the guts to ask her out. Looking back, all the signals of interest were there. I always loved the way she wore a single flower in her long blond hair. I never got up the nerve. I have regretted that ever since. If you try and she says no, at least you'll know. If she says yes......

i could probably find a lot more excuses than just that, but they're probably just what i said-- excuses~ what i want to know, though, is that despite how shy i am, i can probably work up some courage to bring it up~ that's the problem though~ when is that moment?

"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity."

If you just march up to her and make a declaration, you'll get shot down for sure. You've got to do like a guy does with a girl. Spend time with her, talk with her, have non-sexual physical contact. You never have to seduce anyone. Just spend time together, sit close together, and, if it's meant to be, nature will take it's course. Let your instincts guide you. You'll know if it's time to make a move.

i think i mentioned i totally ruinned our relationship by avoiding her ever since i found out about my feelings, so i guess i just have to "get her back" :P I just hate how now my cousin (who is a girl) is clinging onto her and not letting her go (and yes, it seems in that way)~ :P i told you i could come up with about a million twists to this situation; but yeah, i'll take your advice~ even if i find that it's not meant to be, at least i would get my friendship back, right? Thnx~

just hope to get some more advice on what to do now~ also, i want to say that yes, this is my first time liking a girl so im kinda clueless right now, but even if she does say yes, i don't even know what i want from her~ if you know what i mean. Like i said, my pride does get in the way and she probably agrees on the whole not public issue (actually now that i think about it, i can see both ways for her, as in to make it public or not) So my main question now is what happens afterwards, and to grab her attention, what should I do to hand out hints~ tell her im bi first? that way she knows, but i think she would want to know who i liked then... should i tell her someone else? (a specific name)

"getting her back" may not be as hard as you think. Totally ruined is a highly subjective term. I've run into girls I had dated and we just stopped dating and struck up a converasation and I asked her to do something. That's not as hard as you think. If there was a "Dear John" one way or the other, that makes it more difficult. It sounds like you two just faded out. I would just ask her to do something simple, perhaps something that you used to do or that she's wanted to try. The advice I give guys here is to think small, not a lot of romantic overtones at first. The simpler the activity, the better. Ask her to help you with something or just to go pick your cat up at the vet or drop your car off at the shop or something. Often when we haven't seen someone and we spend just a little time with them, we remember how great it was to spend time with them.

Go, get your friend back.

I know i have to do that~ but let's not forget it's not just the friendship i want~ i want something more :P and i probably should tell her im bi, right? ~ so then HOW DO I BRING THAT UP FIRST? i do think i should let her know i am, as a way to kinda lay hints that i like her. If she's freaked out, which i doubt, then that's that, but if she also likes me, then she might also know that i might be interested in her (which i am). So, how do i bring up that i'm bi now?

:P Sorry for asking so many questions~ haha

Tara, I think we just might be over analyzing a little here. I know you want more. We don't know if she's interested in a girl or not. Guess what? That's exactly the same situation we're in every time we take a girl out. You've got to stop thinking that way or you'll never get anywhere. You invite her to do things, make it fun and relaxing, don't pressure her, and make sure there is some physical contact. Wrestling, punch on the arm, or the classic girl move, grabbing someones arm or leg because you're scared in a movie (That one really works, by the way. We know you're not really scared, but it's still fun.) Walk arm in arm. Any light non-sexual contact is building tension. Remember, you're trying to win a girls heart here. You know how you want to be won.

Just do what I would do.

1. Invite her to do something fun, relaxing, and non sexual.
2. Be low pressure, fun, and likable. Make her enjoy being with you.
3. As the situation arises allow playful physical contact.
4. Look into her eyes as often as possible. Become lost in them. Let her talk and hang on every word. Stay lost in her eyes. That lets tension build.
5. From there, romantic tension will either build or it won't. If it does, you'll be sitting side by side on the floor watching a movie. Just tilt your head and lower it slightly toward her. She'll either reciprocate and move to meet your in a kiss or she'll suddenly find something else to look at in the opposite direction. Then you'll have your answer.

I may be hung by the guys for telling you how we do it, but I've had a good life.:D

When you go after a girl, you've got to go like there's no possibility of failure. You've got to convince yourself that you're hot. Then, go slow and steady like you have no doubt you'll reach your destination.

I suspect she's more interested here already than you realize. I also suspect that this may be easier than you're expecting. Go get her!

Guys, sorry for giving out all our methods.

Haha, thankss~ and you're right, i'm probaly overanalyzing things~ it's just that i tend to fall in love too often with a lot of people, so i wouldn't really know if i should take it seriously or not~ so i guess i'll try it starting tomorrrow and i'll post any progress on the post~ no plan and have fun with a little bit of phsycial contact here and there~ that's the guy's methods? lol, i like guys too you know, so hearing this is hilarious~ Anyways, i feel like there was something else i needed to know... any other advice???

Tara: I suspect we may be over-analyzing a little here. I also suspect she may have been interested and that this may not be as hard as you're thinking.

Remember, you're trying to win a girls heart here. You're a girl, so you know how you want to be won. Just do what I would do.

1. Ask her to do something. Smaller is better. Not a big production; that's for later. Ask her to help you take your car to the shop or pick up your cat at the vet. Anything so there's time together.

2. Then ask her to do something fun. Keep it fun and low pressure. No pressure for romance or, above all, commitment. That's where guys lose out with girls. You have to just let the tension build.

3. Make eye contact as much as possible. Get lost in her eyes. Let her talk and hang on every word. Stay lost in her eyes. That will let your pupils dilate and give you those eyes she can get lost in; like you hear about.

4. Make non-sexual physical contact as often as possible. Play wrestling, sitting shoulder to shoulder, even walking arm in arm. It can't be sexual at this point. No hands on the hip or waist. Entirely brother-to-brother playful or relaxing.

5. At this point, romantic tension will either start to build or it won't. If it's meant to be, you'll start to notice a romantic tension in the air. If you have to ask if it's there yet, it's not. Then, you make a little more contact. You can even do the classic girl-move and grab her arm or shoulder when you're scared in a movie. (We know you're not really scared; but it's still lots of fun.) This process should happen over several weeks. Always break the contact just before she's ready for you to. Always leave before she's ready for you to go. Call her a couple days later and make plans for a day or two ahead. That let's anticipation build. If the chemistry is there, she'll start feeling an anticipation of being with you. Always call frequently, but end it before she's ready for you to go.

6. If it's happening-over several weeks-you'll feel a tension rising when you're side by side. Then, one night, when you're sitting in the floor watching a movie, shoulder to shoulder, you turn your head toward her. Make sure you're slightly above her. Make eye contact. Then, tilt your head to the side slightly and lower it toward her. She will either meet you in a kiss or she will suddenly find something very interesting in the opposite direction. Then you either have your girl or you have your answer.

I may get hung by the guys for giving our methods away, but I've had a good life.:D

When you're going after a girl, you've got to go like there's no possiblity of failure. You've got to know that you're hot and she's going to dig you. Then, you've go to go slow, knowing that you're just waiting until she realizes it. :) That's the attitude you've go to have to be successful with girls.

Now, go get your girl!

I thought my first response had been lost because it didn't show up, so I repeated it.I don't know what happened. GTG.

omg, guys have to go through this whole process??? :p haha, oka oka oka, then. So this should last for about 1 month or so??? Then, i better get started :) I'll be asking you for help if anything comes up~ thnxs so much! I really do feel a little more confident now; like i have a chance since i talked about it with someone. I suppose it's just going take awhile depending on the situation; wish me luck:P

so this is the update for the past 3 days :P

i called her and we're planning to go on walks everyday (stay fit) for about an hour at least. That gives about an hour to just catch up on things and stuff... and that's pretty much it... :)

anyways, there's something that's been bugging me... you know how i said that i was avoiding her for awhile? what if she DID like me (sorta in that way) and after i started avoiding her, she just quit? I don't know, thinking that I didn't like her in that way? OMG, i'm freaking out right now...

WEll, im just writing what's on my mind, i guess that's about it (besides the obsession to keep waiting for a call from her :P~ oh well...

I wouldn't sweat the "What if she liked me before?" thing. If she did or didn't, there's no reason she can't now, so that really doesn't affect anything. I've ran into girls I used to like, but we never dated, then had a romance flare later. It's really not an issue.

Be sure to keep up the sexual/romantic tension. It's OK if she knows you're interested; just don't be pushy or smothering.

FYI, yes, this is what we guys have to think about all the time.

Be sure to just be yourself and trust that, if it's mean to happen, that it will happen. While you have to have a strategy, don't get so caught up in it that you don't enjoy the moment. Be sure to just enjoy her company. That's a great turnon. Also, be sure to have just a little more physical contact than you would with someone who was "just a friend."

Hey sorry for the verry late update on my relationship. Well, I guess it just didn't work out-- I didn't tell her. She's moving to a different state (middle of nowhere, haha) in 5 days and I know that I don't wanna long term relationship. So, I know I should be hanging out more for the last few days, but I'm done... I really don't wanna like someone that I realized I should'n't have liked (personal reasons and such). Besides, she's kind of caught up in her other friends and all. [Sorry for getting all dramatic :P] Of course, I was kind of expecting it... (her moving, that is) although I don't know how... I just wasn't surprised when she told me. So even afterwards, it didn't hit me until like just now that we'll never see each other again. And although I could always look for someone else, she was someone I seriously liked... I might just tell her at the very least that I was bisexual {maybe] and that I liked her if I get caught up in the whole conversation, although I probably won't. And it's not like I just gave up-- today (her birthday) I got her answer-- She's not against gays/lesbians/bi but she wouldn't be in a relationship because of religious reasons. And that's why it was kind of hard for me to confess in the first place-- (My religion is 'against' gays/lesbians/bi)

so I guess that was my end of that relationship...