I love my girlfriend but...need serious help here.

in Secret Confessions... Love, Sex, and Cheating » Cheating Confessions • 2 years ago

it's weird you know. i never wanted this. i was just having a normal relationship, probably the first actual good one, and suddendly these feelings came to me...

i've been with her for over a year and a half, and it has been great, but suddendly I felt like, a certain connection dissapeared. now i'm not sure if I want to be wiith her forever...
you might say: "ok, but it's not like you're married or something" you can come out anytime!" well, yes sure we're trying to know each other and understand ourselves, that's the whole point of being in a relationship. but i've never even thought about the chance of this happening! and i don't want to be living something like this until one day we realize that this isn't going anywhere!

among all this, there's also an extra factor: another girl. now before you say anything: NO, I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WITH HER, honestly. but i'm...starting to have these feeling for her...and we really click you know? we connect well. she's beautiful, smart and funny too. BUT MY GF IS ALL THAT TOO! and i still feel that i love her...it's really difficult to imagine a future without her, you know? but at the same time, there's something inside of me that tells me that there's something wrong! sometime it's difficult to tell...it's like feeling like i'm getting in something where there's no exit!

i think i'm afraid to comitment, and you know what? i admit it! maybe i am! i tend to be too perfectionist, so that makes me insecure, so i try to look for something else, but it's a dead end, that i'll find over and over if i don't change it! that's why i'm still not sure about myself! and all I just want is to...take this feeling out of me...it's even affecting my relationship with my gf...sometimes i avoid her and i feel like a lost a certain connection, which makes me feel even more insecure about all this...and even though i'm not the best friend of this other girl, we are really into each other and...i don't know...
can anybody tell me what to do?
i acknowledge the fact that i'm insecure about comittement, and believe me i really want to fix this. I've talk about this with my GF, and even though i felt better, it's really weird when we are together, and specially when the three of us are in the same place, i really feel insecure...
please help me, any suggestion or advice will be take seriously and i'd be really thankful.
I really want to make her happy (my gf), so i don't want her to be hurt by me, and end up bad, when we were like planing to be forever together...
i know breaking up would be like running away from the problem, besides that wouldn't mean i would end up with this other girl (at least no in the long run) at all! i mean we're just friends, that's it, but there's this feeling...
i've thought about it, and honestly i don't think it's because of this other girl.
mostly because sometimes i just feel like "hey we're just friends!" and when i actually manage to think with a little of common sense i realize that "man, i'm just attracted to her, that's it" and believe me i've had certain attraction to other girls, but when i'm around her...damn
so all these mixed feelings make me feel confused, and even though i know the problem it's inside me and my comitment problem, i have a hard time thinking straight to figure out what to do, so sometimes i feel sure about our relationship, but others i'm like "whoa...am i really gonna be with her forever?"
please help me, and forgive if i made to many mistakes when writing.
the reason i wrote this here, it's because i haven't done anything bad with this girl, but in a way i think i betrayed the feelings and the love i have for my GF.

Jermaine Boid
22, USA

Replies(17)

michele_i..

Take a break before it's too late

2 years ago

Take it from someone who has been cheated on twice, we would rather you didn't try to hang on for the sake of our feelings or some promised relationship. We would rather be hurt now than devastated later. If you are having strong enough feelings for another girl that you are saying "damn" about your connection with her (damn in a "hot damn" good way), you are not ready to make a committment to someone else. When you speak about your girlfriend, I can actually hear the "hoo hum, I promised and I gotta stick to it" or "I'm gonna hurt her bad and I don't want to in your voice." I don't hear the "damn" when you talk about her. You may have committmet issues and if you do, this is also something you should work on BEFORE you go any further with your girlfriend. It sounds like you need to come clean and take a break to both work on your committment issues and to find out if there really is something between you and this other girl. But you most certainly don't need to move forward in your current relationship when you are having these feelings and when you feel like you "have to." If it is meant to be with your girlfriend, you need to fix yourself first. You owe that to her more than any "future promise" before any real committment has been made or the both of you will live to regret it. Hope I helped and wish you both the best.

jebb2201

Re: I love my girlfriend but...need serious help here.

2 years ago

Originally posted by: Michele in Kentucky
Take it from someone who has been cheated on twice, we would rather you didn't try to hang on for the sake of our feelings or some promised relationship. We would rather be hurt now than devastated later. If you are having strong enough feelings for another girl that you are saying "damn" about your connection with her (damn in a "hot damn" good way), you are not ready to make a committment to someone else. When you speak about your girlfriend, I can actually hear the "hoo hum, I promised and I gotta stick to it" or "I'm gonna hurt her bad and I don't want to in your voice." I don't hear the "damn" when you talk about her. You may have committmet issues and if you do, this is also something you should work on BEFORE you go any further with your girlfriend. It sounds like you need to come clean and take a break to both work on your committment issues and to find out if there really is something between you and this other girl. But you most certainly don't need to move forward in your current relationship when you are having these feelings and when you feel like you "have to." If it is meant to be with your girlfriend, you need to fix yourself first. You owe that to her more than any "future promise" before any real committment has been made or the both of you will live to regret it. Hope I helped and wish you both the best.

Very true, indeed.
I mean i do love my girlfriend and believe me, i used to "damn" about her too, but since something changed, it's like i still have lots of really strong feelings about her, but she doesn't take my breath away you know?
and she's...she's awesome man. seriously, she's a really beautiful person that has really gone through a lot in life, and has still been able to succed and improve herself. she's really sweet and caring, inteligent and really capable and trustable.
My guess is that at some point I started seeing the "forever thing" like an obligation, when it really is something we decide by ourselves to follow. That is at least, one part of the problem i guess.
Of course my committment issue is another part of the problem too. I wish i'd known better how to deal with that cuz i feel that if i don't fix it will be haunting me during all my life, and i'll be sabotaging my own relationships (if i do get others). Maybe it's fear for only being with one person, maybe it's because i'm still young, but i'd really love to know how to deal with that.

About this other girl, well let me say that even though we do have this "chemestry" and this "friendship", i wouldn't say that we are completely best friends you know? to me it's more like a confusion: like i'm having problems now and this person seems to be having the answers that i look for, when it's actually just a way to run away from the problem AND I HATE DOING THAT! I wanna face this situation. Don't get me wrong, we're friends, but not that close. If i brokek up with my girlfriend today, i don't think i'd end up with her right away, as the matter fact i don't think i'd end up with her any time soon, it had to pass like a year minimum. I guess i just want to have that chemestry back with my gf. and there's somethin inside of me that doesn't let me be ok, that tells me that there's something wrong.
so what can i do to solve the committment issue? any other good advice besides this advice guys? i have told my Gf that i have this committement issue brought by fear but i don't really know how to work it out. i'd say it's the first time this happens to me, and honestly i just want her to be happy.

Thanks for the advice Michele, i'll try to do my best. I do agree that we shouldn't move foward, but i don't know about the "take break" cuz it would be like going back, and i do want to fix this, cuz she's a person who's worth doing it for and i still feel love for her. it just...i don't know whenever we kiss it's not the same: i used to be flying among clouds when we did that, now it's more like...just a kiss. and i do acknowledgethat at some point I took it like you said "I promised and I gotta stick to it" the thing is that, at that moment I felt really sure, why i'm not sure anymore? am i really that capricious? today i like someone, and tomorrow i like this other person? i mean: what kind of a person am I? I'd hate myself for being like that and not fixing it, which will destroy anything ahead of me.

so what do you think?

michele_i..

Re: I love my girlfriend but...need serious help here.

2 years ago

To your response to my reply,
It's normal to lose that knewness spark that everyone has in a new relationship, and I agree that many relationships are worth working on, but you sound more like that you are in a "rut" and "comfortable" with this girlfriend and afraid of moving on and it not working out and then your alone. She could be the most wonderful girl in the world, but she might not be the most wonderful girl in the world for YOU. Relationships get harder, not easier, and if it's this hard and you're not married, what do you think it's going to be like when/if you do. Now if you were married, I'd give you a completely different answer, you make a vow, you stick to it til you've tried everything. But you haven't and it really sounds like I said previously, that you're just comfortable and scared to move on. If I was your girlfriend, I would rather you hurt me now, than five years after were married...Trust me, been there, done that.. I'm paraphrasing a famous person, "But there is nothing worse than being in a bad relationship for five years, than being in a bad relationship for five years and one day," Plus no girl wants a man who "settled" for her. Someone else tell me if I'm off base, but I think you might find I'm hitting close to the mark quite a bit...Maybe not what you wanted to hear, but truth usually hurts..

jebb2201

Re: I love my girlfriend but...need serious help here.

2 years ago

again very true. I do admit it's a little scary to think about that, and i will take your advice into consideration, because it really is something serious and you seem to be (and you are) aware of what you talk about that. what i think i'll do is, give it a month or two, and if I realize that this will not go anywhere, i'll give this chapter a definitive clossure. i still love her, and i do want to fix things up, specially if the problem it's in me. besides if it's just "infatuation" on this other girl, i should be able to get over that, i mean it's not like there are not gonna be any more women during my life. I can't surrender without trying, and this is just beggining. if i do see that there's no solution i'll admit it and i'll do what i have to do. it's not easy, but it would the right thing for everyone.
I have done this before, and it was difficult, but i made it through (somehow) and i feel like i gave a step foward and did the right thing.
what would you advice to overcome this committement issue? any suggestions will be heard and and taken well.
thank you very much for your help, and don't worry. i admit too that truth hurts, but sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do.

michele_i..

How to Resolved Committment Issues: One Sentence, Find the Cause

2 years ago

Solving Committment Issues, can be a very difficult process, but the only RIGHT way I know to do it, is to find the cause. Sometimes this may even take a therapist. I know that's a scary word, but there not that bad. And if you chose that path, I would recommend a Psychologist, not a Psychiatrist. A Psychologist, listens, and basically lead you so that you find your own answers to your problem. A Psychiatrist is a doctor, and as a 21 yr RN, I think I can say that many doctors think that their answer is the only answer, (sorry to any docs out there that aren't in that category, also Psychiatrists can prescrbe medicine and it is amazing how a committment issue can turn into depression and need an anti-depressant. (Off my soap box now.) If you do go with a Psychiatrist find one you have a connection with and you can tell that your first session, and don't go with a group. If you are talking to a different member of the group everytime it ends up like "Groundhog Day." These are just my opinions. But often you can find the cause on your own. Keep a journal. When you feel yourself pulling away or looking for a way out, write this in your journal and write what she is doing, what you are doing, what you are thinking, does this remind you of anything...things like that. After awhile, re-read your journal and see if you notice a pattern. Also, spend time doing soul-searching, this can be painful, but did your mom or dad have committment issues? Did you watch them go through them? Are your parents divorced? Did either of your parents cheat and you found yoursef having to take sides? What are you scared is going to happen if you do commit?: She'll cheat, you'll cheat, you'll meet somebody and wish you weren't commited? Again, write it down and look for patterns, it's amazing what you can find out about yoursel. But once you find the issue, then comes the work...that's why I say, it's usually not a good idea to be in a relationship while you're working through an issue. You can't devote the time needed to either one. You need your full attention focussed on one issue at a time. You might be very surprised at the things you find out about yourself and how they help you in the future, But, most of all don't make a committment just because you're afraid: afraid of losing someone, afraid of being alone, afraid of making the wrong choice. That is the worst mistake you can ever make for yourself or for the other peson........... I sure hope I'm helping... Michele In Kentucky

jebb2201

Re: I love my girlfriend but...need serious help here.

2 years ago

hehe yes you are helping me, Michelle and thanks for that.
Well i do try to be really critical about myself as much as i can and i have been doing that soul searching. BTW my parents are actually happily married (sure they've had disagreements, but hey any couple does!) for over 20 years! hehe so i don't think i have any trauma in that particular aspect, hehe.
i've been doing soul searching these last few weeks, to figure it out myself, and i've noticed that i'm too perfectionist. i do seek certain perfection in my partner and that really affects the relation cuz, no one is perfect, therefore, i'll never find one perfect person, specially when i'm far from perfection thing.
The fact that my parents are together and happy and all that, is awesome but i do feel this pressure because, i do want to be like them. i do want to have that "forever and ever" with a special someone, so i seek perfection and since i do this i tend to sabotage my relationship, by saying: "ok she's not perfect, next" you see the vicious cycle? actually it is something that i've have been improving little by little and i'm better right now, i guess i'm just afraid of taking the step, so this time i do think it's because of the reason you said.

Xero

Re: I love my girlfriend but...need serious help here.

2 years ago

Michele is doing a really good job in helping you.

I have one question for you though.

Do you still do fun activities with your girlfriend, like go out on fun dates/adventures. This to me sounds where you might be lacking and why you are not totally like wow this is great.

I think you are looking at this as, the grass is greener on the other side type of thing. Where its actually not, it only seems like it that way because you are not on an true in dept level with this other girl, where as with your girlfriend you are there and see everything. With the other girl your only seeing the shiny exterior where the interior could be different. Where with your girlfriend you know most of her ins and outs.

jebb2201

Re: I love my girlfriend but...need serious help here.

2 years ago

Originally posted by: Xero
Michele is doing a really good job in helping you.

I have one question for you though.

Do you still do fun activities with your girlfriend, like go out on fun dates/adventures. This to me sounds where you might be lacking and why you are not totally like wow this is great.

I think you are looking at this as, the grass is greener on the other side type of thing. Where its actually not, it only seems like it that way because you are not on an true in dept level with this other girl, where as with your girlfriend you are there and see everything. With the other girl your only seeing the shiny exterior where the interior could be different. Where with your girlfriend you know most of her ins and outs.

actually yes we do. first we see each other almost every day at the university. secondly, yes we do go out. we try to go out every weekend (or even during the week, but it's difficult there cuz we both study and work) but whenever we have an opportunity we go out to parks, museums, events movies, or just walking. and weeven have some similiar tastes.
One thing i must say is that, you guys are focusing on this other girl a bit too much, look: it could have been any girl. so the deal here is that, i KNOW I'M VULNERABLE and I KNOW right now it seems like the grass is greener on the other side, but that's because of me. the problem is in me: i don't know whenever we do this stuff together, i just...don't feel special anymore. i don't know why! i didn't wanted this to happen! allthough it's a bit the way michelle said: "she might be the most wonderful girl in the world, but not necessarily the most wonderful girl for you" and in a way i think it is. a few week months ago the future was shiny for us, but today i don't know if this is it. I mean do you know how bad it feels when i kiss her, and i'm not able to feel that "something" we had, and just feel uncertanty and fear? and i know she's really into me man! she loves me for real!
man i wish i could get that feeling back! but i don't know...it's just not there anymore...and i really feel bad when i don't, so this is starting to be really frustrating here...
hey it's ok, any help is welcome, and i'll take it seriously. this is important here man, this is life.

Xero

Re: I love my girlfriend but...need serious help here.

2 years ago

(another thing that came to my mind)

Don't beat your self up too much. In a way it is OK to look at other women, its just natural human nature and kind of cant be helped. As long as you look, but don't touch its OK.

I really hope you solve your problem, I was there for maybe a month. Then some how the feelings just came back.

michele_i..

Grass is Always Greener

2 years ago

Xero is right about the grass always being greener. I just worry that it's greener and it's not your lawn yet.:) If you had been married for a while and were having these feelings, I'd agree. But you keep having them about the same girl and again I stress, the dating part is the easiest. If you're alredy having these feelings and you're just dating, it gets harder when you're married. When you add all the stress of bills, maybe kids, etc., it gets harder. As Xero said, it's okay to look, but not touch, but you keep looking at the same girl. Also, I've been cheated on with both ex's, so you have to keep that in mind when I give you advice, but and emotional affair hurts just as much as physical one...sometimes I think more. I think I could have handled a one night stand easier than I could knowing that they were talking about things that were important to him and to her and sharing other important issues, but he wasn't with me. I felt like an old favorite toy traded in for a shinier new model. Really think about how you would feel if the situations were reversed and the one thing I have really learned is don't cry over the what-if's, truly think about the what-ares. During my last divorce I realized I was crying over all the might have beens not the things that actually were. Think about the things you actually have together now, not in the past, and don't think about what you could have with her, but wat you do have with her. I truly believe marriage is difficult and requires a great deal of work and committment, but if it's this much work now, is it really worth it. Take what both Xero and I have said, mull it around, but in the end you have to be the one to make the decision, and like I said, don't stay just because it's too difficult to make the decision or you would hurt her, if that's your reason, you'll hurt her worse by staying in the long run. Michele in KY

jebb2201

Re: I love my girlfriend but...need serious help here.

2 years ago

well guys, I've been talking with some people: some trustable friends, my father and even my own Gf about this. and allow me to say that at least I feel i'm really figuring out the problem: its more like at the beggining you know how everything is perfect and all that, but now i'm seeing all the things and the real way she is, so now i'm insecure because i don't know now if i can see us together in the future. it's frustrating cuz until a certain time ago, i felt sure about that, so it's like a shock. What bothers me the most, is the fact that i still can't feel you know "special" or "this is it" way with her. we went out on friday and it was a good day cause we were celebrating our anniversary, but i still didn't feel that...so i talked to her about this and we got to a point were we decided we'd try. I actually wanted that, because i really want to try: i don't know maybe it's a moment thing or something, but if it continues, i'll probably have to call off this relationship.
I felt really bad about myself cuz she told me she really loved me, and she really does i can tell that her love is that way, it's way more sincere than mine, and i really feel bad because: she loves me just the way I am, why can't i do the same? she's an awesome girl and she loves me, and i'm not perfect at all, so why can't i do the same for her?
the problem with her is that she has certain selfstime issues that we've been battling from the very begging of the relationship, and she tends to be kind of emotinally dependant, besides sometimes we have certain things that sometimes create conflicts between us and that hurts us, certain differences between the way we are I'd say: that's why i still don't feel sure about us now. i think we might hurt ourselves badly in the future and if we still don't have that "connection" well, it turns really difficult for me to se us together.
so i've decided this: we are gonna try. if we see that this is not going anywhere during the next month or so, well then we'll have to take separate ways.
and guys for the last time: about this other girl, it's not a big deal. i think it's kinda my fault for saying it the way i did. It was just a crush, no big deal. believe me, it was for the spare of the moment thing. probably brought by the "greener lawn" thing, so let's not get too much into that, when it's actually not worth it. i apologize if i made it look worse that it actually was. sorry for that, my mistake.
my deal now is: how i get back that security i had and that connection i used to feel. if anyone could suggest something it would be nice.
thanks for all the help.

Xero

Re: I love my girlfriend but...need serious help here.

2 years ago

Don't jump too quickly on the gun this time with this "special feeling" issue.

I had the same problem once. I'll Link you to where I finally found out that it was actually there the whole time. It may be the same for you or way different, but you really need to think this one through long and hard before you make a decision to break up.

Problems always come up in a relationship, and you can't really hold that against some one. Just address them and try to grow from them and make things better.

Take a few minutes and read my post. See if it can be applied to you. 'http://forum.askdanandjennifer.com/topic/somthing-i-learned-today'

This is because you won't know what you have right now until its really gone.

Beagle

Re: I love my girlfriend but...need serious help here.

2 years ago

Jebb: I've read through this entire post, and I think you're getting some really excellent advice from Michelle and Xero. What you are describing is very common, if not universal. This statement caught my eye:

"whoa...am i really gonna be with her forever?"

The unspoken, and probably unconscious conclusion to that statement is "Someone better might come along." I once broke up with a girl because of those very same feelings. Looking back, I jumped the gun.

My best advice to you is that you don't have to make a decision this second. One of my friends from Japan uses the analogy of allowing muddy water to settle until it becomes clear again. I agree with you that it sounds like you've got some "grass is greener" thinking going on. You want to make sure you're not chasing the excitement of a new relationship. Because your new relationship will sooner or later become your old relationship.

I agree with Michelle; don't cheat. End it before that happens. I would give it some time and see what my feelings are. I think everyone goes through those feelings at one point or another.

You might want to consider if you aren't spending too much time together.

jebb2201

Re: I love my girlfriend but...need serious help here.

2 years ago

guys these last few weeks haven't been well at all. we barely talk to each other and it's difficult to be around each other. this is not a relationship! even though we keep talking about the situation it's like this isn't going anywhere cuz...
she told me she loved me, but do i really love her? she loves me with all my flaws, but...i don't love her the same way. I really feel awful, cuz i know her feelings are honest, but i don't think she deserves being with someone who doesn't really love her back in the same way, therefore I'm not the right guy for her, cuz she should be with someone who really loves her completely.
We've both made mistakes here: we both compromised too soon into this and kind of thought this was it. at the begininng everything was fine. we 've had certain problems but somehow we made it through them, but they keep coming again and again and it was like running into the same rock again and again, and some time ago i started seeing the whole picture: there were things between us that just really fit, attitudes that constantly clashed and that's why we kept having those problems. At this point i know now that even though we lived a lot and it meant a lot, we're not meant to be together. I don't want to be in this relationship, cuz is not going anywhere, and she deserves someone who trully loves her so we're probably going to break up in the next few days. I can't say that i feel happy, but i'm starting to feel in peace.
iI don't regret this relationship because Now i feel that i know aspects of my personality that i didn't know, things about myself that I ignored and things that i look in a potential partner better. I've defined my flaws and i want to fix them out. any final suggestions? guys it's been more than a month since the beginning of this, and i've taken lot's of advice from my family and trustable friends (and of course here) and i feel like i shouldn't go against my own nature: why would i stay in a relationship like this? it's not going anywhere, and it's like michelle said: "it's better to finish this now, than after 5 years of marriage" because I don't think she's the one for me.
and I'm not even thinking about going with anyone else: believe me, right now i just want to be alone and take my time to fix my mistakes, before i get into a new relationship. that could take 1 month, 1 year or 1 decade, but at least i know now what i'm suposed to do. It's difficult, and i'm afraid cuz i know i'm gonna cause lot of pain to her, but this is the right thing to do. besides i guess most of my friends won't be really happy with this because they all see us as the perfect couple, so they are probably gonna pressure me to get back with her, but i don't care: i don't want to get with someone just for obligation, if i'm going to be with someone it's gonna be by conviction, because i've known that person enough in order to say "hey, this person could be the one".
you know there's something i've learnt through the years: sometimes the right thing to do might not be the easiest, the most confortable or the most convenient to do, but it's the only necessary.
i think it's time for me to follow my own advice. so any last comments?
tomorrow i'll talk to her and there's a high chance for this to end...so i would like to her your suggestions on how i should manage or take this guys.

santiagod..

Re: I love my girlfriend but...need serious help here.

1 year ago

Hey man...I know its been a while since your last post, but im interested to hear what happened with you. The reason is because i've been going through pretty much the exact same thing, its been like almost 4 months of dealing with this and the commitment issues i feel lead to depression. I've been going for proffessional help, only 2 sessions though and I feel that things get better but then all of a sudden they will get bad again. I also feel like im missing that special feeling although sometimes it comes back and thats what has kept me going. From reading around, it seems like everyone says that you must break up but the fact that I can feel good with her when im not in a depressed state, keeps me going but when im with her i kinda become depressed again and i dont want to feel like that. I want to work things out, but I part of me feels like this relationship isnt going anywhere coz of the way I feel. I think that if i manage to sort out the commitment issues and get rid of the depression, i can be happy with my gf again, and thats why im still hanging in there but its definately not easy.
Anyway thats only part of the story but you obviously have an idea of what im going through and thats why i was wondering what you ended up doing?

jebb2201

The Conclusion

1 year ago

Well, It did had an end: I broke up with her.
It was a really difficult experience, and I honestly wouldn't like to do it again, But I don't regret it at all. It's been almost 6 months from that day and I've acknowledge why that happenend and I've started to learn from it in order to do things right the next time. I even looked proffesional help: I was in therapy for a few weeks, I seeked helped from my parents and friends...I even talked to a priest! and It made me realize some of my mistakes which were:
1.- I didn't love her: it sounded crazy at first but the I realized that I really didn't love her, in fact...I didn't I even know what love was.
2.- I let emotions take control over me: yeah...I just did what I felt according to emotions, but emotions are not forever...and I thought love was an emotion...which I know now, It isn't.
3.- I had some serious stuff to fix about myself, about my understanding of the world, dating and love... which now i'm working on.

Well this is really the "short version" cuz If I get to talk about everysingle aspect...wow!
so the problem was mostly...me. She had serious problems too, believe me, but the main problem was me. If I had trully loved her, I wouldn't have been doing what I was doing and I wouldn't have felt the way I did, and messing things up, cuz guess what: true love gets ahead of all that...if it's true...
I trully know that even though it was difficult, that I did the right thing, and this allowed me to rediscover new things, understaning others, and seeing things i couldn't (or didn't wanted to) see, about myself and the world.
I can't say I fixed them all, but I'm fixing them. I'm working on them, I'm trying to live my life in a different way, taking it in a different perpective: honestly speaking, it was a life changing thing.

My advice to you is that you revise yourself, and ask yourself: do i really love her? It's not about what u feel, It's about what u do and why u do it, that's what's causing the pain you are feeling. the moment you embrace that, you are going to be able to save your relationship, so don't give up.

If you need info, support or something we could chat about it, i'd be glad to help you, or at least listen.

santiagod..

Re: I love my girlfriend but...need serious help here.

1 year ago

Sorry for the late response, varsity has been crazy!

Anyway, it sounds like you are on the right track now and im sorry that you had to go through all that but it seems as though you have learnt a lot from what happened.

A lot of the stuff you say makes sense and after going for therapy session last week I made quite a breakthrough and I realised that the way I percieve things is totally messed up. Ive been living my life according to how I think it should be and especially how I think relationships should be but I realised that it doesnt have to be that way because everyone is different. I also thought that maybe the problem is that i dont know how to love and my therapist said to me that maybe i just love in a different way? I realised then that i dont need to force myself to feel a certain way just because i think that thats the way I should feel. I felt really great for the next few days, especially with my girlfriend, i felt at peace with her and with life. This didn't last very long though because i went back into the depression mode which i have been suffering from and it really changes your whole viewpoint on things. It makes me doubt every, especially with the way I feel towards my girlfriend, it makes me think about breaking up with her and I keep doubting how I feel, if I truely love her. I know that this negative thought of mind is a result of the depressin but sometimes I wonder if it really is you know?

And maybe I dont really know how to love because I often feel like a barrier is there and I feel no emotion to anyone, not just my girlfriend. Its really hard sometimes and I think that the depression is making it even more difficult and Im looking at going on antidepression pills, with my therapists recommendation, and seeing if that makes a difference. Because like I said, there are times when I can feel great and then I feel a lot towards my girlfriend but a lot of the time i feel down towards everything which makes me have those negative thoughts towards my girlfriend and makes me feel like a person i dont want to be.

I acknowledge that there are lots of things I want to change about myself and especially my perspective of myself and the world and im currently reading a book called new earth by eckhart tolle which i would recommend to you as well, as so far it seems really interesting and really makes you look at things differently.

I really appreciate you replying to my post, and thank you for advise and for listen, it really makes a huge difference. I hope i havent bored you with my reply, there is just so much going on in my head that its difficult to express it all.