I totally ruined my life :(

in Love and Relationships » Relationship Advice • 3 years ago

Dear Dan and Jennifer. I am asking this question because i have no idea what to do. But i am definately sure that i have recently ruined my life.

I am a male. Sixteen years old living in Norway (Will explain my horrible english)

I had a wonderful girl which i had a relationship with for just over nine months. But i am a quite 'jelous' guy. (hope it was the right term) Like, I get mad, frustrated inside of me whenever an unwanted action occurs. (unwated from my side)

Before i got mad for my x-girlfriend sending text messages to other boys. As i didn't see why she could talk to girls instead. (this you don't need to respond too. After we broke up i've overcome this situation. As my new girlfriend is like i were before. I have learned how important talking with other people of the other gender. As i talk with my x-girlfriend everyday and i wouldn't go trough the day if i couldn't talk to her as she mean everything in life to me.

So. let's get to the point, Two months ago i was at a party with my XX-girlfriend (the one i was with before my x-girlfriend) While i was in the relationship with my x.

Two of my best friends were there with me and we was drinking. We had a bit of an incident with weed so we left from there. But my friend told everyone about it. And those who were involved in the party were out to get us. One of my best friends stayed there. And we went to a hut 50 meters away to hide. I were highly intoxicated.

After some time one of my best friends who we left behind came to us. And told us that we had to leave because they would beat us to death. I am not a runner i stick up with my problems and i do something with them. I decided not to leave and the rest of the group stayed with me in the hut we were in. One of my best friend had a call from my x-girlfriend. She asked for me, as i didn't have my cell-phone with me. So i got to borrow his phone and went to the toilet to talk with her.

When we were done talking i noticed he had more calls from her. And then i saw his inbox of his text messages just because i thought i would find more there.

And i did. I found around 60 text messages from my x-girlfriend to my best friend. (They had been together before) She had sent him text messages whenever we had been arguing. Just for his comfort, Or to hear from him "it's all okay" Or other words. I didn't sneak on the messages just saw the titles.

So i got furious for this as i had told him to stay away from her awhile back. I went to him and gave him his phone. Dragged him outside and i literally beat the crap out of him. He lied to me and said he never talked to her when i had solid evidence. So if he tried to hide that from me it means it must have been something on there which i shouldn't been aware of. (too bad i didn't take a closer look then)

So as i went home (still highly intoxicated) i called my at the time being girlfriend and confronted her with this. But she just threw in my face that i had been with my xx-girlfriend that evening which she had told me to stay away from. (I had never been cheating on anyone before so my record is clean) I didn't understand her. Because i had not done anything wrong. (Reasons why i wouldn't let him talk to my best friend is due to she had cheated on me once 5 months before THIS incident)

So i broke up with her. And the day after i got together with my current girlfriend. Which i now realized was just to get over my x. It has not helped me at all. All my days go by thinking of her, crying over her and how stupid i were to break up with her. Shes the girl in my life, The girl i love more than anything else in this world.
(i even cry writing this. Shows how much i care for her. And i'm not a crying kind of man either)

So first a problem, I wanna get out of my current relationship considering i have realized it's based on the wrong reasons and i cant return the feelings she have for me. But the problem there is that she is suicidal and i am afraid that she might do something very wrong if i break up with her. She already tried to commit suicide when we had a small argue.

Please help me about that one as well.

But the main thing is, I wanna get back together with my x-girlfriend. The girl i still love, and always have loved!

But she and my best friend is now together (The guy i beat the crap out of. And yes we are still best friends:eek:)
And me and her is still friends. We chat on MSN often. Last night we were talking for 4 straight hours about nothing. She sent me pictures of me and her together and stuff like that.

I got no idea what to do. I am totally lost and i am quite sure my life cannot become any worse right now. Last 2 months i have gotten serious drinking problems. I cannot think of 2 days where at least one of them haven't gone by to drinking. I guess i tried to escape the sorrow which has been filling my heart.

Should i confront my x-girlfriend with my feelings?
Should i just drink even more to not have moments like these where i am thinking about my lost love?

Regards, Desperate youth
(also. How you thought of my english? It's all self-learned)

Replies(9)

scarbowl

Re: I totally ruined my life :(

3 years ago

From what you've said you are not a safe person to be with. You drink to excess, you are jealous (a dangerous combination) and you are willing to beat someone up.

She should stay away from you.

You need to get professional help with your jealousy, your drinking, and your inability to behave (by assaulting someone.)

That is what you need to do. GET SOME HELP! Once you are better then maybe you could contact her again. But you are trouble and she is right to be your X.

Sorry but this is evident from your own words.

anonymos_..

Re: I totally ruined my life :(

3 years ago

Seems like you got me wrong then. I drink whenever i'm sad, That's just how i am. But i'm a nice guy to be with regardless if i drink or not.

And wouldn't you beat up anyone if they tried to get with your girlfriend?

I spend 2 hours a day lifting weights for a reason. You got no idea of the enviroment i live in, A man needs to protect him and everything he cares about here where i live.

Not letting anyone steal from my territory if you know what i mean.

My jelousy i've already taken care off myself.

You will never find a guy whos able to threat a girl as good as i can.

scarbowl

Re: I totally ruined my life :(

3 years ago

Your response simply confirms my previous post. No, it is not acceptable to assault someone who "tried to get with" your girlfriend. In fact, it is against the law. You can be fined and even go to jail for that. Doesn't that tell you something?

You state that in the last few months at least one of every two days is lost to drink. You go to a party and there is an "incident" that requires you to flee from others. You check through your x-girlfriend's phone.

X, right? Isn't that what you said? But you think you have the right to beat someone up who likes your EX girlfriend?

It's a sad situation and you really need help. But you can't see it. A jealous guy who gets drunk and fights. Not a prize for anyone.

Get some help! Please, before you assault another innocent guy.

anonymos_..

Re: I totally ruined my life :(

3 years ago

I'm 16. It's normal to fight.

And you miss-read me. I said i was at a party, with a friend of mine, and my xx-girlfriend were there too (two relationships back)

I had a girl then. (my x) and my friend tried on her. I looked trough HIS phone (my friends) and saw he flirted with her.

In my point of view that give me all right to even kill him if i felt for it.
All my friends understand that i had to beat him up. They circled around us and watched as he got as he deserved. Him himself have said "Sorry for everything, i'm glad you did what you did. I deserved it, I was a bad friend".

scarbowl

Re: I totally ruined my life :(

3 years ago

1. You are only 16
2. You drink a lot
3. You get in fights
4. You spy on your friends and girlfriend
5. You ask for advice
6. You deny you might have a problem

You really don't want any advice. So why bother to ask.

scarbowl

Re: I totally ruined my life :(

3 years ago

Oh....and you start out by saying you "totally ruined your life" but you say there isn't really any problem. I'm sure you're a really great guy - when you aren't drunk (1/2 of the time) and when you're not beating up someone. (No, it isn't normally to beat up someone even at 16.)

Okay. I'm sorry I offered any advice. You're a great guy. Wonderful to be around. Couldn't ask for a better friend. A terrific boyfriend.

My apologies.

I won't post to this thread again.

rob_danje..

Re: I totally ruined my life :(

3 years ago

This is my opinion:
As Dan and Jennifer say, communication is the key to a good relationship. Tell her how you feel!
Also, did you say your ex girlfriend and best friend had been together before? maybe she never stopped having feelings for him.
Oh, and DON'T DRINK ANY MORE!!!!
It sounds like that is partly what got you into that mess. It's a well known story-guy drinks, loses all chance in current relationship.
If you want any chance, stop drinking. I got through a similar crisis without drinking. indulge your creativity (write books, write music, write programmes, listen to music...)

Finally, before you tell your ex, the way to get out of your current relationship:
Ah, now this is tough. Try the anti-depressing things i mentioned earlier togeher. Don't get too close, but don't drop too many hints that you're leaving. Slowly distance yourself whilst indulging creativity.

And, (really 'finally' this time), your english is great!

anonymos_..

Re: I totally ruined my life :(

3 years ago

Thank you Rob. I am already doing what you said about getting a distance with my current girlfriend.

Aswell i speak with my x- girlfriend alot. She seems to think about our moments together a lot. But i asked if she missed me. I were not too serious so she might just tought i were joking and gave some unserious response back. She said "i miss our moments together. But i don't miss you directly"

We are now best friends i would say. And we tell eachother everything. But still, I'm not sure if she feel more for my friend than for me. :s

rob_danje..

Re: I totally ruined my life :(

3 years ago

Can I just say, there is no guarantee your relationship will come back with your ex.
Don't be surprised if you're just friends. Once you enter the 'friends zone', it can be difficult to get out again.
That doesn't mean you can't though! You already dated before this, so you are more likely to dateagain, just don't get false hope.