I want to hate him...but it's just hard...

in Love and Relationships » Break Up and Divorce • 2 years ago

Me and my boyfriend of 9 months broke up a while ago. Just one day be came up to my doorstep and said he didn't love me anymore. I tried talking to him asking how long he's felt like that (because I had been off my medication for a while and was acting odd) and he said about 3 months, but thats around the time I stopped taking my medication. When I said that he just went "Oh, it was before that."

How....after so long together and so many happy memories can it just end? I wanted to hate him. I had every right to, he used me. But...I have dreams at night. About us, not exactly making up, but him trying to atleast explain it to me. Those dreams make me so happy. Just him explaining why he did what he did. It never goes to the actual conversation, just him saying we're going to talk. He was my first 'real' boyfriend and made me feel sooo good about myself. He gave me compliments everyday and made me feel special. Having that ripped out from under me and told it was a lie just hurt more than anything in the world.

I want to talk to him. I'd love to know why. But it's so werid now. I haven't talked to him since that day. I saw him once at the supermarket but I ignored him out of fear. I don't want it to seem like I'm running back to him or something. I don't want a relationship with him anymore. But anytime I get close to a relationship with another boy now all I can do is compare them to him in my head...

I'm confused....:(

Replies(1)

Beagle

Re: I want to hate him...but it's just hard...

2 years ago

Social_Liar: I don't think anything in life hurts quite as much as your first big breakup. I know you're hurting now. However, he has decided to move on.

We grieve the loss of relationships just like we grieve the death of a person, sometimes even harder. Right now, you are in the denial phase of loss, you're trying to convince yourself it really isn't over. My best advice is to be patient with yourself. Give yourself time to grieve and to be sad. Pull your friends in close to you during this time. Stay as busy as possible, but don't be afraid to just take time to be sad.

Above all, don't jump into a rebound relationship to make yourself feel better. Grief is something you can't go around, you have to go through it. I know it hurts now, but you won't feel this way forever. When you've been "dumped" by the person you love, you feel like you're unlovable and that you'll never be happy with anyone again. Those are lies that our low self-confidence tell us. You will feel better, and you will love again. Don't hesitate to come here for support. You may give in to the impulse to contact him at times. That's normal. Just don't be surprised if he doesn't continue to feel the same way he does not.

Hating him will accomplish absolutely nothing and can actually slow your own healing. The best way to get back at him is by taking care of yourself, bringing the things in your life you want, and by moving on. Hating someone just drags us down and they don't care.