Is 100% sexual satisfaction THAT important for a couple?

in Sex and Intimacy » BDSM - Bondage, Domination, Submission • 3 years ago

Hi, I'm pretty comfortable in my sexuality and am very intrigued by the BDSM way of life. I have attended some fetishist events in my area and it appeals to me and makes me want to have that kind of relationship with my partner.

My boyfriend is a pretty close minded guy and doesn't accept this part of me, that part of me that wants to use some chokers or a flogger...I'm not that much into hardcore stuff and have done some bondage previously but not with and I'd love to live that with him but he doesn't want to. At All...I'm a pretty submissive person and I'd like to do some role play but he is not open to this kind of thing. It hurts. Since BDSM is still really taboo and marginal, it is not well received by the general population and most people are misinformed due to the censure concerning such practices. I'd like you to advise me what to do about this.

I love my boyfriend, we have a very fulfilling sex life except from that but I feel as if I'm missing something by denying this part of me. BDSM is all about trust and honesty and I would feel guilty in trying to force him into this because it goes against the primordial value of BDSM. I just don't know wha to do! :confused:

Replies(15)

rob_danje..

Re: Is 100% sexual satisfaction THAT important for a couple?

3 years ago

Tell him how you feel.
It takes two people to make a relationship work.
See if he can think of any alternatives; is there anything he wants to do?

juliannes..

Thank you for the advice

3 years ago

He doesn't want to talk about it. The time he saw the collar I have, he kept making mean comments about it that really hurt so I'm not really willing to bring it up to him again...:(

rob_danje..

Re: Is 100% sexual satisfaction THAT important for a couple?

3 years ago

No offense, but if he's making mean comments to you about something you like, is he really the right person?

wolfhowl_..

Re: Is 100% sexual satisfaction THAT important for a couple?

3 years ago

Ron is right, if he is making mean comments, and putting you down for just making a suggestion about what you want, then you might want to question if he is really right for you.

Think hard about it, and good luck

rob_danje..

Re: Is 100% sexual satisfaction THAT important for a couple?

3 years ago

Originally posted by: Wolfhowl
Ron is right, if he is making mean comments, and putting you down for just making a suggestion about what you want, then you might want to question if he is really right for you.

Think hard about it, and good luck

Ron? I'm Rob...
Glad you agree.

juliannes..

Thankyou guys for answering me!

3 years ago

You might be happy to know that me and my boyfriend talked it out a bit...well I'm happy he decided to talk to me about it...We got to talking and he said that he might be willing to try bondage...That is to say if we fulfill a kink of his...but I don't mind it...pretty excited about it too lol...Whatever...Thank you again for advising me. And he stopped making the mean coments when he saw how hurt I was by it :rolleyes: He's so cute when he wants to...lol sorry I feel very sappy at the moment...Thanks again guys! I really appreciated it!
Julianne

Beagle

Re: Is 100% sexual satisfaction THAT important for a couple?

3 years ago

I'm happy it worked out for you. Sometimes we just need someone to broaden our frontiers a little:) Moving out of the comfort zone can be a growing experience for him; and leading someone out of their comfort zone can be a growing experience for you. Just make sure to take it slow and not move it faster than he's comfortable with. If he has a bad experience at this stage, while he's new to this, it will make it harder to get him to try it again. Once we've had some good experiences with something, it's easier to shrug off a bad experience. You seem to have handled this very maturely. Way to go!;)

juliannes..

Thank you!

3 years ago

I try to be logical and reasonable, I understand why BDSM is so daunting at first, all that gothic personnification it has, and Felix is pretty much against that way of life (He's studying to be a cop) And while I disagree with that, I accept it because that is part of who he is...Love is so unpredictable, that I try to apply logic with everything else, and it has turned out good in my case. I hope sentimental issues were not so hard to deal with though..but life is life and shit always happens...Thank you for the support!

Beagle

Re: Is 100% sexual satisfaction THAT important for a couple?

3 years ago

You're welcome. The reality is he may decide that this just isn't for him. ... And, that's OK.

Getting back to your original question, I think the definition of sexual satisfaction varies with the couple. It's important that people be compatible sexually. For example, if one person has a very high sexual appetite and the other person doesn't, that relationship is doomed to be very frustrating for both and lonely for one. There's nothing wrong with having a high or low sexual appetite, or enjoying a specific practice. It's just extremely important that both people in the relationship be able to meet their sexual needs. If not, then they will wind up very frustrated and it's better to find that out early on.

juliannes..

I get what you mean

3 years ago

I agree with you also, I just wanted him to be less closed minded about so called kinkyness..and he has been. I'm very happy at the moment in every aspect of my life. I felt like such a freak about the BDSM issue, but I'm more at home with it now. Seeing the open-mindedness of people out there really helped me.:)

Beagle

Re: Is 100% sexual satisfaction THAT important for a couple?

3 years ago

I think you'll find that everyone here is about free choice, as long as it respects the rights of everyone involved. I think it's great you have found something you enjoy. If you are happy with your choice, then it's really not anyone else's place to judge. From a perspective of relationships, I think it's just necessary to find someone who shares and enjoys your interests and values.

As my life has progressed, I have come to reflect more and more on how important compatibility is in relationships. I'm a counselor, and I see a lot of couples whose only problem is that they have different preferences. For example, if one person has a very high sex drive and one has a very low sex drive, one is going to be frustrated and the other is going to feel put upon. Obviously, your sexuality is very important to you so it's going to be crucial for your mental health to find someone who is compatible in that area. In the meantime, it sounds like you're expanding his horizons a little:) And there is absolutely nothing wrong with a little horizon expansion:p I enjoy reading your posts. I hope you stay on the forums.

juliannes..

Re: Is 100% sexual satisfaction THAT important for a couple?

3 years ago

I don't think there is either because it helps us grow up to our full ability...and it helps us discover who we are as people and we can use this personal knowledge to make our own place in the world. Living is just a huge learning experience, to me a day is wasted if I do not learn something new, or just experienced a new thing...You seem to invest a lot of time on your answers here and I admire that...What you mean to say is always very clear and all...I've got trouble with that...you get your point accross well....I'm jealous! I had no idea what to write on HappyMel's wall! But I try to help...:)

Beagle

Re: Is 100% sexual satisfaction THAT important for a couple?

3 years ago

Just out of curiosity, how did you become interested in BDSM? I'm very vanilla, but I love hearing different perspectives. If you're not comfortable sharing, I understand.

juliannes..

Oh no I don't mind sharing

3 years ago

I read a lot of homoerotic fiction on the net, and that is the kind that appeals to me. Also I've always been pretty marginal in my thought pattern since I was a younger teen. I'm 19 by the way. I've been intrigued by Gothis literature since my very first forays in literature, reading Poe for the first time when I was 9. I like darker stuff..I'm not hard core or whatever its just that pain is very intriguing and appealing to me...I dunno lots of stuff can explai my interest in BDSM...

juliannes..

The wrong that feels right

3 years ago

Excuse my lack of spelling in my previous reply...Also the sexual stimuli that pain procurs is really a turn on for me...I don't really know. I've always been curious about what our society considers taboo, since we are not faced with those issues everyday...I like the feeling of doing something so naughty, that I just know that my parents would not approve of let's say. It's like the Original sin of modern society, though I think religion is crap...I hope this answers your question...though I don't think it did, I just don't know what more to say...