Ask Dan & Jennifer

Originally posted by: WhiteRoseLover1073
I find myself thinking that maybe he's only dating me for sex, but I really love him.

I'm sure this isn't the advice you expected to get her, but it's based on a lifetime of experience. There is only one way you will get an answer to this question and that's don't have sex with him now. One of my counselor colleagues named that the "swine test" because the guys who are just pretending to like a girl because they want sex (pigs) will move on. The ones that stay really care.

You're in an adult situation, so I'm going to talk to you like an adult. If he gets mad at you because you're not ready to jump into bed with him, then you're better off.

A pop TV character of my generation once said "Give a man what he wants, and he doesn't want it anymore. Don't give him anything and he can't get enough." So many guys tell girls what they want to hear, then dump them when they get sex, that it makes me embarrassed to be a guy sometimes. Don't take my word for this. Talk to some older women and see if they haven't found the same thing.

This is one of those areas where, while men and women are equal, they are totally different. We never have to wonder if a woman just likes us for sex. (With us, it's "Does she just like me for my possessions?")

If he doesn't care enough to hang around even though he isn't getting sex, then he's a pig and you need to let him move on to the pigpen. If you're a lady, he'll respect you and what's more important you'll respect yourself.

hes probably testing the water to see if you are receptive to sex,the best way to do that is to start a conversation about it and see if it progresses.keep in mind that he just discovered sex too and as you already know it can be all you think about at times....so he is very normal ,i dont agree with the school of thought that all boys want is sex.but i do think that it is all they think about....just like you may have a particular thing you like to do doesnt mean you want to do it all day long .by ANY standard you definitely did become sexual with him far too soon,so now you have to combat the thought he most likely has that its open season on sex.you have the right to explore your sexuality as you see fit,but at your age only having a boyfriend for a few days and then already saying you have had sex means you will have to deal with him thinking this is going to be happening quite often.the hard facts are something your gonna get a lot of asking for advice here......and im going to be brutally honest.......he may like you ,he may say he loves you...but respect is not something your going to get this time and you dealt this hand to yourself....now how do you fix it? well a good talk is always good,if you dont want to be so sexual with him TELL him and stand firm in your decision,put a time limit on how often,or set a waiting period....like saying we can have sex again in 1 month .if hes willing to deal with this then he cares for you,but if it becomes an issue or an arguement then you know you have a boy on your hands who IS only interested in one thing

Originally posted by: theresa
hes probably testing the water to see if you are receptive to sex,the best way to do that is to start a conversation about it and see if it progresses.keep in mind that he just discovered sex too and as you already know it can be all you think about at times....so he is very normal ,i dont agree with the school of thought that all boys want is sex.but i do think that it is all they think about....just like you may have a particular thing you like to do doesnt mean you want to do it all day long .by ANY standard you definitely did become sexual with him far too soon,so now you have to combat the thought he most likely has that its open season on sex.you have the right to explore your sexuality as you see fit,but at your age only having a boyfriend for a few days and then already saying you have had sex means you will have to deal with him thinking this is going to be happening quite often.the hard facts are something your gonna get a lot of asking for advice here......and im going to be brutally honest.......he may like you ,he may say he loves you...but respect is not something your going to get this time and you dealt this hand to yourself....now how do you fix it? well a good talk is always good,if you dont want to be so sexual with him TELL him and stand firm in your decision,put a time limit on how often,or set a waiting period....like saying we can have sex again in 1 month .if hes willing to deal with this then he cares for you,but if it becomes an issue or an arguement then you know you have a boy on your hands who IS only interested in one thing

Thank you for helping. We haven't had sex though, he's just always talking about how and what he wants to do to me. Sorry if I made it seem like we had. I am starting to believe you more though. For example last night, it was storming like crazy and I always hated wind and thunder so I told him I felt scared. I asked him if he could text with me for a while and at first he said yes but he imeadietly got right back into the sex crazed mode. I don't like it especially since he only started acting like this when we started going out. Truthfully in your opinion do you think I should give up on him?

Originally posted by: Beagle
You're in an adult situation, so I'm going to talk to you like an adult. If he gets mad at you because you're not ready to jump into bed with him, then you're better off.

Thank you so much. It really helped a lot and brought me back to reality. After reading this I felt so much braver. I told him what was on my mind and that I wouldn't ever make love with him acting the way he is. He agreed and even apoligized, but went right back to the "pig" inside. Do you think I should give up on him?

this is something only you can say......ultimately you have to live with it and to be honest i wouldnt want to deal with you when you say"but theresa you told me tooooooo".no thank you lol....but like any woman(sometimes sadly)i have an opinion and you asked soo.........

never ever think it is good to end a relationship because you do not agree with someones opinion of you.....yes that can set you up for longer interaction with a person who may treat you worse than you deserve....but if you are going to be happy in this world you have to consider ending relationships when YOU feel it is what you want to do,and to up until that moment to always love the best way you know how.....yeah your gonna get your butt stomped on a time or two,but you will be a happier person knowing you are exactly who you want to be........

whatever you chose is going to be best for you.weigh it out .....

you could sit him down and explain why you are so uncomfortable about the sexual conversation crafting,and that you want to respect the friendship you started with by learning to be less of a horn dog,or do you toss that away by dropping him like a hot potato......boy it didnt seem like you would have to make such a big decision....but guess what? whatever you decide will be probably the very first adult decision you will be making....they come from careful thought.....and then sometimes you never know.....this could wind up being a good relationship

Originally posted by: theresa
this is something only you can say......ultimately you have to live with it and to be honest i wouldnt want to deal with you when you say"but theresa you told me tooooooo".no thank you lol....but like any woman(sometimes sadly)i have an opinion and you asked soo.........

Oh sorry! I wasnt trying to say that I'd break up with him and say it was becuase you told me to. I just needed someones opinion on the situation. You know. Thank you so much, you really have helped.