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Is this counted as cheating

in Love and Relationships » Cheating, Infidelity, and Affairs • 3 years ago

hello dan and jenn

i have been with my girlfriend for almost 4 months and i love her soooooo much its unbelievable. But my friends sister said she had feelings ages ago for me before me and my girlfriend went out. I don't know what happened to those feelings but then one day she was rubbing my arms...legs...and even planted kisses on me on my lips... i wanted to pull away but it was her that didnt, she was to weak and kept going. I didn't have any intentions or feelings for the kiss or even for her. i actually left my friends place early and did everything possible to keep away from her. i told her straight i dont want this happening again. i love my girlfriend so very much and want to spend the rest of my life with her and i was wondering if this could be considered as cheating. Since i had no feelings for her or the kiss. If it is counted as cheating, i could not tell her or else she cant look at me the same. Please i really hope its not counted as cheating i love her so much. She was the one who led it..seduced me if that is the so called definition but i tried pulling back but didnt work according to her. She said the kiss meant nothing to her later on and obviously meant nothing to me either so why are we worrying. Plus i dont think i should tell her because im so attached to her fam and friends and words will get spread making me out to be the bad guy. But is it counted as lying...is this counted as cheating? i really hope it isnt Please help

Replies(20)

Re: Is this counted as cheating

3 years ago

Depends. Did you tell your girlfriend?
If not, it is cheating.
If you did, then it isn't.

Re: Is this counted as cheating

3 years ago

well im too scared to tell her

im too attached to her family and her friends and if i tell her she may break up or even spread the word and i may seem like the bad guy to her friend and familys eyes and i dont want that to happen...

plus how is it cheating if i didnt intend it...i didnt have any feelings or intensions in the situation

also to make it not cheating llike i already done i told the girl to back off and leave me alone and never happen again...tru?

Beagle

Re: Is this counted as cheating

3 years ago

Cheating is a condition which occurs when two people have declared an exclusive relationship. Once that is the case, anything you don't want the other person to know about would be defined as "cheating." So, yes.

By the way, trying to get away from her is an excuse. Don't tell me you couldn't stop a girl from touching and kissing you.

I think the key issue here is integrity. If you give someone a promise, keep it. If you want to do things with another person, then man up and tell your girlfriend that you want a non-exclusive relationship. If not, then keep your promise to her. That means don't do anything with a girl that you wouldn't do if she was in the room. Otherwise, tell your girlfriend that it's no longer an exclusive relationship.

Re: Is this counted as cheating

3 years ago

but i dont want nothing to do wif that woman i dont like her and lets jst say i need to grow balls

and i want to stay and spend the rest of my life with my girlfriend people say it is cheaitng and people say it isnt

its a wierd situation but yer im jst going to forgot about it and move on cause i know i didnt intend it and i kno i love my girlfriend so very very much

Re: Is this counted as cheating

3 years ago

So then what if this girl tells your girlfriend about it. Then your girlfriend asks you "if it was so innocent or you felt badly about it why didn't you tell me?"

What do you say?

Re: Is this counted as cheating

3 years ago

well since she doesnt know my girlfriend onli OF her...they dont speak at all

and ill just say im too scared and worried to lose her...

if i do tell her it will be a load of my chest but at the same time lose respect from her fam n friends and especially my girlfriend...i dont know if she wil look at me the same no more

i think to myself...look everyone makes mistakes and i didnt intend to do it...im just going to let it drift off and forget it ever happened cause i know my girlfriend is the one for me and i want to spend the rest of my life with her and i know it..she knows it

Beagle

Re: Is this counted as cheating

3 years ago

I'm not sure telling her is the best thing either. THat's a decision only you can make. i do think you need to take responsibility for your actions though. Saying you didn't intend for it to happen is a cop-out.

I once saw a police report where a driver stated that a telephone pole struck her car. In this case, you made a choice to allow the other girl to do certain things with you. You need to take responsibility from that choice and learn from it.

Best wishes.

Re: Is this counted as cheating

3 years ago

Originally posted by: rocky69
well im too scared to tell her

im too attached to her family and her friends and if i tell her she may break up or even spread the word and i may seem like the bad guy to her friend and familys eyes and i dont want that to happen...

plus how is it cheating if i didnt intend it...i didnt have any feelings or intensions in the situation

also to make it not cheating llike i already done i told the girl to back off and leave me alone and never happen again...tru?

Look, she's probably going to find out sometime, or even figure it out on her own (why've you been acting guilty etc) so the best way would just be to tell her.
If she loves you,. and you honestly believe that it isn't cheating, then tell her.

The only surefire way to lose respect is to lie and that's what you're doing. Lying.

Re: Is this counted as cheating

3 years ago

Originally posted by: rob
Look, she's probably going to find out sometime, or even figure it out on her own (why've you been acting guilty etc) so the best way would just be to tell her.
If she loves you,. and you honestly believe that it isn't cheating, then tell her.

The only surefire way to lose respect is to lie and that's what you're doing. Lying.

but i know im not lying we all do cause im innocent and the only reason is because im too attached to her fam and friends. Ive known her sister for longer than i known my girlfriend and she trusts me with her because im such a decent guy so allowed us to go out and imagine knowing this...i know i aint the bad guy here so since nothing was meant and i didnt have any feelings or anything its basically nothing 2 me...im just going to scrunch this memory and throw it away..i know i feel the guilt not tellin her but at the same time i shouldnt for more of the right reasons...she doesnt deserve to feel the pain so ill keep it in myself copping the pain myself and getting over it...i can do it

Re: Is this counted as cheating

3 years ago

Originally posted by: rocky69
but i know im not lying we all do cause im innocent and the only reason is because im too attached to her fam and friends. Ive known her sister for longer than i known my girlfriend and she trusts me with her because im such a decent guy so allowed us to go out and imagine knowing this...i know i aint the bad guy here so since nothing was meant and i didnt have any feelings or anything its basically nothing 2 me...im just going to scrunch this memory and throw it away..i know i feel the guilt not tellin her but at the same time i shouldnt for more of the right reasons...she doesnt deserve to feel the pain so ill keep it in myself copping the pain myself and getting over it...i can do it

You are lying; that's my whole point. That's why you're cheating.
You aren't lying directly, but you're pretending everything is fine. It isn't Don't be afraid to tell her, there's no pain to spare her anyway; you're not breaking up, and you haven't cheated on her again. Have you?

Re: Is this counted as cheating

3 years ago

Originally posted by: rob
You are lying; that's my whole point. That's why you're cheating.
You aren't lying directly, but you're pretending everything is fine. It isn't Don't be afraid to tell her, there's no pain to spare her anyway; you're not breaking up, and you haven't cheated on her again. Have you?

ok listen i have no lied to her because i am keeping the pain away from her and going to forget this all happened

i even prayed to God and in that prayer i promised to God, to my girlfriend and on our relationship that anything like this will not happen again!

The whole point of this mistake looking at it deeply was because i was too much of a "pussy" and i need to grow some balls (excuse the language but no easier way to say it) i need to stand up for myself more. and i am going to keep this mistake to myself and improve on my courage for my girlfriend. I already started today when i saw her.

i will never fall for this type of mistake again and i talked it through wif my best mate and she say it aint cheating and agrees not to tell my girlfriend because of the reasons of losing respect and trust from her and the family n friends who i am tight with

Re: Is this counted as cheating

3 years ago

I don't mean to go on, but you aren't keeping the pain away from her. As you said, you prayed to God that to say you wouldn't make that mistake again. It's affecting your behaviour. She'll notice.
Also, if you aren't telling her about this time, then what's to stop you cheating again and not saying. You'll be amazed how easy it is to break a promise that you promised to yourself.

And her friends and family don't need to know; you weren't cheating on them. You won't lose their respect if they don't know.
And what better way to improve courage than to tell her?
In your first post you said you hoped it wasn't cheating, but you seem to be doing everything you can to avoid stopping it being cheating. Beagle and Scarbowl said to tell her, Dan and Jennifer say communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Their definition of cheating, a breaking of trust, applies here too. If you really don't want it to be cheating then swallow your pride and tell her. If you really are scared that she'll break up with you/tell her parents and that they'll lose respect for you etc then how has your relationship lasted this long; if you don't trust her enough to keep a secret which you are genuinely sorry about?

However, it is down to you in the end. Just think about what we've said.

Re: Is this counted as cheating

3 years ago

Originally posted by: rob
I don't mean to go on, but you aren't keeping the pain away from her. As you said, you prayed to God that to say you wouldn't make that mistake again. It's affecting your behaviour. She'll notice.
Also, if you aren't telling her about this time, then what's to stop you cheating again and not saying. You'll be amazed how easy it is to break a promise that you promised to yourself.

And her friends and family don't need to know; you weren't cheating on them. You won't lose their respect if they don't know.
And what better way to improve courage than to tell her?
In your first post you said you hoped it wasn't cheating, but you seem to be doing everything you can to avoid stopping it being cheating. Beagle and Scarbowl said to tell her, Dan and Jennifer say communication is the key to a healthy relationship. Their definition of cheating, a breaking of trust, applies here too. If you really don't want it to be cheating then swallow your pride and tell her. If you really are scared that she'll break up with you/tell her parents and that they'll lose respect for you etc then how has your relationship lasted this long; if you don't trust her enough to keep a secret which you are genuinely sorry about?

However, it is down to you in the end. Just think about what we've said.

rob ur absolutely right but im soooo scared...like i have never been this scared...and i know the words will get spread around her fam and friends cause she tells them everything. Like i look into their eyes and notice how happy we are all getting along and i cant do this to them...hurt them n stuff but realli its so hard...and u do know that..its almost our 4th month in 5 days and i dont wanna hurt anyone i wna keep the pain in myself. Basically its a mistake onli i may keep inside that will improve me to be a better boyfriend

Re: Is this counted as cheating

3 years ago

Ok then, best wishes.
I hope your relationship lasts.

Re: Is this counted as cheating

3 years ago

look i wrote a full confession for my girlfriend about the situation and im just so scared i will lose her now

do you guys think she will leave me after an unintentional mistake? becasue i am thinking of telling her now

Re: Is this counted as cheating

3 years ago

She shouldn't-not if she loves you.
As you said, it was unintentional. She can't blame you for that. In fact, the very fact that you're telling her (not to mention the two pages in this forum) proves to me at least that you are genuinely sorry.

Re: Is this counted as cheating

3 years ago

omg guys i owe u all heaps

i told my girlfriend and understood straight away...forgave me and everything seems normal...but not 100% jst let her overcome it a bit give it some days but thank u all...I WOULD NEVER CHEAT ON MY GIRLFRIEND

NEVA WILL AND NEVER DID!

Re: Is this counted as cheating

3 years ago

If you kiss touch or flirt you ARE CHEATING!

Re: Is this counted as cheating

3 years ago

Good thing you confessed to her. Because if I was your girlfriend and found out about that from others, then I'll definitely regard to it as cheating. Congratulations buddy, you overcame the trial and emerged with your integrity intact.

Glad

3 years ago

iam happy that you told her

IF it would happen once mor

Trust my words

A relationship is a home of trust and it is all about trusting each other

if you tell your girl and she does not trust you you know what to do it is hard but you know :P