Ask Dan & Jennifer

Hello.

First thing I have to say is that you should not "let him do this" simply because you feel that you have to due to the growing relationship you two share. Being intimate is about TWO people being comfortable and happy with the act, not about one of them having fun and the other just going along with it.

My personal take on the whole taking it to the next level thing is as follows: before DOING anything you should try to become at least comfortable with openly talking about those things with your boyfriend. Sounds old but communication is important. As long as one of you is not comfortable with it it WILL be awkward.

I would advice to take things slowly. If you two have some quality time alone just go as far as you're comfortable with and tell him if things go into the "awkward zone"; over time and with growing trust and easiness around each other things will grow in their own speed.

Lately I have heard this question a lot coming from (mostly) the females around me: How fast should they move? It's different for each couple. Some feel at easy and comfortable with taking things further into the physical realm faster than others. It's natural as each individual is different. There is no "too slow" in my book but going "too fast" could very much ruin any relationship. As long as both are comfortable with it it's all well in doing it.

Of course there are men out there who will say "You are my girlfriend, you are supposed to do this" and sadly too many women will swallow that and move past their comfort zone. If you feel awkward or uncomfortable with something tell your man and make a stand. If he really cares for you than he will accept it and hopefully ask the big "Why are you uncomfortable?" and "What can I do to help you feel more at ease?".

No matter how flustered or awkward you may feel, you have to talk about what makes you feel awkward. Is it the very act? Is it the situation? Is it the way he does it? Is it maybe the fear of getting caught?

It has been said very often before and I say it again: communication is a vital and important pillar a relationship is build on.

- Akuma

Akuma pretty much tackled the major issues here, I'll just add for further clarity...


Your body belongs to only one person: YOU. Choosing to share it with your partner is a choice you consciously make, and that includes what you allow your partner to do with your body. Pretty much as Akuma said you need to make sure you are comfortable before going somewhere, if you aren't comfortable talking about it, you won't be comfortable doing it, this is pretty much true for everything.

Some women don't feel comfortable being stimulated down there at all by anything but a penis (sometimes not even that), I've known women that think it's disgusting or weird to be fingered or rubbed down there, or have someone perform oral sex on them. It's all a matter of comfort level.

The other thing to consider in this situation is are you uncomfortable with the act itself? Is it something you would personally do to achieve your own pleasure? From what it sounds like, you and your partner are fairly new to this "sexual territory" with each other..... you may just by uncomfortable with the idea of having sex with him.... which doesn't mean he's not right for you, maybe it's just too soon in your relationship for this. You need to question what you want out of this relationship, do you really WANT to have sex right now in this stage of your relationship? Your own needs and desires may be different from his, and that may as easily be the culprit for your uncomfortable feelings as just being uncomfortable with the act itself could be.

Hope this helps :)