Jealousy and Me >_<

in Love and Relationships » Relationship Advice • 2 years ago

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly three years, and he has been suggesting the idea of a threesome for quite a while. I'm open to the idea, but at the same time I'm very worried about it because I know myself to be a very jealous person. Especially recently, he made a new friend, and I met her on Valentine's Day... Long story short, THEY cuddled, and I was left out. No sexual stuff happened, just cuddling... And it hurt me a lot. I talked to both of them about it as rationally as I possibly could... and in a casual, social setting, I'm pretty sure I'm okay with her (We've hung out a few times since), but now he really wants to have a threesome with her specifically. And he has put a lot of emphasis on the fact he wants to be the one to give her her first orgasm. She has had sex before, but she has never had an orgasm... He even asked me if I minded if he just had sex with her and I sat out... I was pretty offended, and told him so. I've been doing my best to communicate to him, but I don't know what to do (well, duh... Otherwise I wouldn't be asking this question. ^^) Previously, I was feeling more secure in the relationship, and told him that I would, and now hes saying that I can't back out... He acts like hes joking, but I know he'll be pretty hurt if I do back out. I love him very much and I want to please him (but that's not my main reason), and I'm very interested in doing what he is suggesting... I'm just not sure I'm emotionally ready to, and I'm not sure how to go about getting ready for that. Any suggestions?

Replies(3)

Beagle

Re: Jealousy and Me >_<

2 years ago

I think every man has fantasies of a threesome. However, I think everyone will agree that the swinging lifestyle isn't for everyone. Some people are, by nature, inclined to monogamous relationships. If that is how you feel, you should never let yourself be pulled into something you're just not wanting. That doesn't serve anyone. Only you can decide what your boundaries should be. If your heart's desire is a monogamous relationship, then you need to tell your boyfriend that. If he can't handle that, he can move on. If you have to do something you don't believe in to preserve a relationship, you're just prolonging the inevitable because the two of you just aren't compatible.

mimi_danj..

Do you think this will be the end?

2 years ago

it sounds as if you do not know where you stand in the relationship between you and him. It seems as if there may be some week areas in your relationship and yo may need to work on them before pursuing such a big decision such as bringing a third party into your relationship. I agree with Beagle. Everyone is not meant to have threesomes. A jealous person having a threesome sounds like a war waiting to happen. You have to be opened minded, ready, and know the consequences. Will this be a one time thing or I did it one time why not again or she don't care if I sleep with other females sh did not even join in or object to me having sex with another female in the first place. Then on the other hand he may think you are a trooper and lov you for giving him that experience.

Beagle

Re: Jealousy and Me >_<

2 years ago

Originally posted by: MIMI
You have to be opened minded, ready, and know the consequences.

MIMI. I love the way you phrase that. I couldn't agree more. Sometimes in these posts I wonder if people are thinking that an activity is free of risk and consequences. I am a firm believer in a persons right and need to make an informed decision. That means being aware of the risks as well as the benefits of a decision. I thought you did a great job of expressing that.