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Hello, I'm new so I hope I'm doing this right! I promise to go through the forums tonight and help as much as I can.
I'm in a dilemma, and it's eating me up. In fact, I'm surprised at how strongly I feel about this situation. Any advice on how to proceed would be most appreciated!
A few months ago I met a wonderful man (I'm male as well) and developed a crush, that, as I got to know him, changed into a more mature admiration and the feeling that I would like to ask this gentleman out on a date.
Recently we seem to have moved past acquaintanceship into a new friendship, and I'm really enjoying it. This man is quite a bit older than me, and has advised me about various things several times. He is quite obviously caring of me, and wants me to be happy. However, I don't know if his interest runs deeper than that. I doubt he feels as strongly as I do, but there are a few things that make me think he might. All of these things, individually, don't mean anything, but together I think they might.
-He has gone out of his way to sit with me at various social functions, even when he has many other friends there.
-His hugs are genuine, and frequent.
-He has a habit of touching my arm, rather than shaking my hand, when we part.
-Some days when we see each other he's really affectionate and friendly, especially if there are other people around. When we're one on one (which isn't often) he is more reserved (which REALLY confuses me.)
-On occasion, he has gone out of his way to speak with me and asks a lot of questions on how I'm doing.
-He has rubbed my back and massaged my shoulders, asking me if I'm ok. (When I'm sad, it tends to show.)
-I think (though I'm not sure) I've seen him glancing at me for no particular reason.
He's had ample opportunities to ask me out, and he has never done so. I don't know if it is the age difference, or a complete lack of romantic interest, or maybe he even finds me repulsive. I sometimes wonder if he simply sees me as a younger man who needs guidance (which, if I'm honest, is true!)
Around Thanksgiving I was sitting around, feeling sorry for myself and I bumped into a good friend of his. As I'm not good at hiding my emotions, the friend knew something was up. Without thinking, I said I had feelings for a friend of mine, but was afraid if I asked him out, it could spoil our friendship, and could make him uncomfortable being around me. I don't know if this man knows I like him, and if he does if he told any of his friends.
I'm a bit of a jibbering mess when I'm around him, so I can only imagine what he must think of that.
And, herein lies the twist. I'm not so much afraid that he will say "no" if I ask him out, but that I will destroy the budding friendship. It's a friendship I think could be mutually beneficial. At the same time, I wouldn't want to spend my life wondering if he had any romantic feelings for me. Also, I fear the embarrassment of his friends knowing that I asked him out, as they are all much older than me and probably already think I'm a little weird. We all attend the same religious group, and I wouldn't want to feel the need to stop going because everyone found out that I like this man (he's very well-known and popular with everyone.)
We are supposed to meet up late next month to discuss music, which we are both passionate about. I thought about asking him then, assuming it goes well, if he'd like to have dinner sometime, but the idea makes me panic. If he says "no" I will be sad, but it makes me even sadder to think he might not feel comfortable talking with me, hanging out with me if he knows I like him. I sure would miss his hugs.
Can anyone advise? Could the age difference be holding him back (he's nearly twice my age?) Does what I describe sound like he is interested? Should I go for it, and if so, can anyone suggest how to approach it? Also, what would make a person warm and affectionate at one meeting, then merely polite another?
I know people often say, if someone likes you, you just "know." That's the thing, some days I'm convinced that he is interested in me, other days, I'm convinced that he isn't. *SIGH*
Any ideas will be met with my heartfelt appreciation. I know this was a long post, thanks for taking the time to read it.
Thanks,
Billy, age 28 (Manhattan, NYC, USA)
EDIT: I should add, in case you haven't guessed, I'm not a particularly confident person. I don't find myself attractive, and have trouble believing a man would really love me. That figures into all this too, I guess.
I'm in a dilemma, and it's eating me up. In fact, I'm surprised at how strongly I feel about this situation. Any advice on how to proceed would be most appreciated!
A few months ago I met a wonderful man (I'm male as well) and developed a crush, that, as I got to know him, changed into a more mature admiration and the feeling that I would like to ask this gentleman out on a date.
Recently we seem to have moved past acquaintanceship into a new friendship, and I'm really enjoying it. This man is quite a bit older than me, and has advised me about various things several times. He is quite obviously caring of me, and wants me to be happy. However, I don't know if his interest runs deeper than that. I doubt he feels as strongly as I do, but there are a few things that make me think he might. All of these things, individually, don't mean anything, but together I think they might.
-He has gone out of his way to sit with me at various social functions, even when he has many other friends there.
-His hugs are genuine, and frequent.
-He has a habit of touching my arm, rather than shaking my hand, when we part.
-Some days when we see each other he's really affectionate and friendly, especially if there are other people around. When we're one on one (which isn't often) he is more reserved (which REALLY confuses me.)
-On occasion, he has gone out of his way to speak with me and asks a lot of questions on how I'm doing.
-He has rubbed my back and massaged my shoulders, asking me if I'm ok. (When I'm sad, it tends to show.)
-I think (though I'm not sure) I've seen him glancing at me for no particular reason.
He's had ample opportunities to ask me out, and he has never done so. I don't know if it is the age difference, or a complete lack of romantic interest, or maybe he even finds me repulsive. I sometimes wonder if he simply sees me as a younger man who needs guidance (which, if I'm honest, is true!)
Around Thanksgiving I was sitting around, feeling sorry for myself and I bumped into a good friend of his. As I'm not good at hiding my emotions, the friend knew something was up. Without thinking, I said I had feelings for a friend of mine, but was afraid if I asked him out, it could spoil our friendship, and could make him uncomfortable being around me. I don't know if this man knows I like him, and if he does if he told any of his friends.
I'm a bit of a jibbering mess when I'm around him, so I can only imagine what he must think of that.
And, herein lies the twist. I'm not so much afraid that he will say "no" if I ask him out, but that I will destroy the budding friendship. It's a friendship I think could be mutually beneficial. At the same time, I wouldn't want to spend my life wondering if he had any romantic feelings for me. Also, I fear the embarrassment of his friends knowing that I asked him out, as they are all much older than me and probably already think I'm a little weird. We all attend the same religious group, and I wouldn't want to feel the need to stop going because everyone found out that I like this man (he's very well-known and popular with everyone.)
We are supposed to meet up late next month to discuss music, which we are both passionate about. I thought about asking him then, assuming it goes well, if he'd like to have dinner sometime, but the idea makes me panic. If he says "no" I will be sad, but it makes me even sadder to think he might not feel comfortable talking with me, hanging out with me if he knows I like him. I sure would miss his hugs.
Can anyone advise? Could the age difference be holding him back (he's nearly twice my age?) Does what I describe sound like he is interested? Should I go for it, and if so, can anyone suggest how to approach it? Also, what would make a person warm and affectionate at one meeting, then merely polite another?
I know people often say, if someone likes you, you just "know." That's the thing, some days I'm convinced that he is interested in me, other days, I'm convinced that he isn't. *SIGH*
Any ideas will be met with my heartfelt appreciation. I know this was a long post, thanks for taking the time to read it.
Thanks,
Billy, age 28 (Manhattan, NYC, USA)
EDIT: I should add, in case you haven't guessed, I'm not a particularly confident person. I don't find myself attractive, and have trouble believing a man would really love me. That figures into all this too, I guess.
