lost sex, need help finding it again HELP

in Love and Relationships » Relationship Advice • 3 years ago

I dont know what to do. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for over 5 years now and the marrige pressure is on. I love her but I am worried because our sex life is not the greatest.It was ok in the beginning but has become worse.

She will not let me look at, touch, play with, or lick her south of the bourder. I have tried everything! I enjoy doing this but she doesn't allow it. She has never really allowed it. She says she doesn't like how it looks it and me playing with it makes her feel dirty.She also has trouble performing oral because this also makes her feel dirty. Also now it is even getting worse she wont let me really touch upstairs either. I know it maybe a self confidence thing but I have tried extremely hard to boost that aspect.

These problems have also lead to her not climaxing. She has not cilmaxed in about 8 months. Before she would climax in about 2minutes of the act. Now if she doesnt climax that fast she begans to think to much and then recks the mood. We are having sex about once every two weeks if that. And when we do have sex I feel she is just doing it for the sake of doing it. I dont feel any passion.

I have asked her if she ever tried loving hersef and she quickly replies NO I would never do that. I then tried to explain to her if she finds out what she likes I can use that to better please her when we are having sex. I almost feel like sometimes I am dating someone way younger. She is not very open.

We are both young I am 24 and she is only 23 I dont understand. Someone please lead me in the right direction so that I can fix this and be truely happy with this relationship. She is a great girl and I want to work things out.

Replies(4)

femaleorg..

Act the same way you did when you first met her

3 years ago

Most guys change when they get into long-term relationships and then wonder why their results change.

leighange..

?

3 years ago

i dont know if this will help or not..
has she been raped
if she was brought but to think that sex is this big dirty thing and little girls just dont play with themselves
sometime what happens when you little will effect you when you grow up i know this from experience but they are fixable..

rob_danje..

Re: lost sex, need help finding it again HELP

2 years ago

Has she become pregnant?
If so, there's little you can do.
What changed? Why did she stop?
If nothing; is she cheating?
Any religous things we should know about?

Sorry for the sheer amount of questions, but there are a lot of variables in a case like this.

Beagle

Re: lost sex, need help finding it again HELP

2 years ago

If this is an issue now, I would strongly discourage you from proceeding with the marriage. Sexual incompatibility is one of the leading causes of divorce. It sounds like she isn't willing to address the problem. As suggested by the earlier posting, it could be a result of trauma such as rape or abuse, a medical problem, or just a low sexual drive. However, addressing the problem requires her to be willing to do so. From the steps you have taken, I gather that she is not interested in doing so.

The question you should be asking yourself is "Am I willing to live with this for the rest of my life." My best friend ended up leaving his wife of 12 years due to this very problem. Early in relationships, it's easy to overlook problems. From your post, it is obvious that sex is a very important part of relationships for you. I think you need to seriously reconsider before taking this relationship to the next level. If two people with low sexual desire marry, there's no problem. However, if one has a much higher sexual drive than the other, this is sure to result in one being frustrated and one feeling put upon.