Moving in together for the wrong reasons?

in Love and Relationships » Relationship Advice • 2 years ago

My boyfriend and I (both 22) have been dating just over 9 months and have been friends about 1.5 years prior to dating. We get along great and work great together as a team whether its cooking, cleaning, sports or travelling. No relationship is perfect and everyone has their little tiffs but ours are never anything serious and never last more then 15 mins on the rare occurance.
His lease is up in October 2009 and mine in November 2009. We are comtemplating moving in together. By moving together we would save $500-$600 each per month. We spend 5-6 days out of 7 together. 2-4 nights a week we sleep at one another place. By the time we move together it would be 11 months to a year of us being together. We have never said "I love you", some people see this as a huge thing to happen before moving in together. This is his first adult relationship and my first relationship that has lasted longer then 8 months (sad i know) but we just seem to click. He is very excited about the idea and I am too I guess, but we are also both nervous. I am worried we are moving in just to save $. I voice this concern to him and asked if this was our only reason. He felt like i was forcing him to say 'i love you' (which i wasnt) but i said I just want to know this is also us taking a step forward in our relationship. He said well thats obvious but one of the main things is saving money.
Do I think hes "the one" ? Im not sure.
Any advice, thoughts, suggestions, warning, etc would be greatly apperciated.

Replies(2)

Beagle

Re: Moving in together for the wrong reasons?

2 years ago

It sounds like you both have realistic understandings of your status. It almost sounds like you're going to be more like roommates than committed life partners. You and he are talking about the things you need to be talking about. The conversation that needs to happen next is about your mutual expectations for the relationship. My concern here is that three of four months down the road, you and he will discover that you had different expectations of the nature of your relationship and where it's going. This is a conversation that only you and he can have, and I think you and he need to cover this thoroughly before you take this next step of moving in together.

sunset22_..

Re: Moving in together for the wrong reasons?

2 years ago

Its a hard situation. I hate where I am living and we could both use the $ savings.
He hates talking about things that narrow down his feelings. So I am not sure what else I can say or ask him without making him feel akward or pressured to say something he thinks I want to hear. That being said hes very very honest with his feelings when I can get stuff from him and again, he has GAD so certian things, convos and situations make him feel and react different then "normal".
We talked about a little and we both see it as taking the next step to see where things go with what we have and we both agree that if you dont take the risk, you dont know and you'll never know where. He keeps expressing hes really excited about the whole thing but because this is his first adult relationship it worries me.
Is there anything that should specifically discussed aside from what were both expecting, which I think were both on the same page in the sense that were just seeing where this will go......