Ask Dan & Jennifer

Well, I may be a bit partial since I'm a lady too... but I say good for you, refusing him oral! It's a 2-way street, he shouldn't get it if he won't give it. You can tell him flat out this is not working for you, and you need more and either he can grow some balls and give it to you or you'll have to go somewhere else for it. If he doesn't want to talk about it, you have a hard time finding out why he won't do it. You can tell him if it's something you can change you would try your best, but tell him you'll never know if he won't talk to you about it. People are sexual creatures, and we have needs which have to be met or else we will either go nuts or seek it from another source...

I agree with Cleveland, a relationship is a two way street, if he won't go out of his way to please you, why should you?

Thank you lady K and thank you Exalion
Refusing oral sex has been hard for me but it was the only way to go. As for talking openly, well i am a very shy person and that has not been easy either, in fact I only proposed some oral action on his side without going into details with him. All I can say in my defence is that he cuts me off when I try to speak up and does not want to discuss the subject at all. Giving him the whole lecture makes me feel like I am nagging him and even if he dicided to follow through with cunnilingus it wouldn't be as pleasurable as a spontaneous act would be. I know that i should be more confident and self assertive, but I do not believe that I have not been clear enough about my wishes and needs. He knows perfectly well what I want because i have told him, one of the last times i gave him a bj I asked for reciprocation and he simply declined, me rolled over in the bed and pretended to sleep instead of giving me an explanation. At this point my only guess is that he does not want to pleasure me! And he takes advantage of my shyness! Wow I think this is a power game on his side, maybe the act is not manly enough in his opinion or maybe he is just a selfish stubborn man. Thanks all.

Discussing difficult issues can be very hard for someone who is an outgoing extrovert, much less for someone on the shy side. One thing I'd suggest is writing your feelings down.. either on the computer or a handwritten note... write a letter to him telling him everything you're feeling, and why you want him to reciprocate with the oral. Sometimes this is so much easier for the shy type because it is not so confrontational and "in your face" as talking about it in person. You can sit there with him while he reads the note, or you can read it to him (might be a better idea in case he'd just skim over the note if you gave it to him) Again, the important thing is not to be attacking or defensive, but just be honest. "I messages" are much easier to accept for someone than "you messages". In other words, don't use sentences like "You make me upset because you won't give me oral" instead something like "I get upset when I don't get oral sex reciprocated because:....." This is a well known mediation technique so things are expressed how one feels rather than attacking the other person.
I hope all works out for you... keep us posted.

Thank you very much, this sounds like a good advice, I hope I will have the guts to follow through! I feel so shy!