Ask Dan & Jennifer

It sounds like he is just making excuses.

He is in fact part of the problem, becasue he should be helping you figure out what it takes you to orgasm.

I would suggest looking around on this website and forums on orgasm information and try to figure out what makes you tick. He is just as responsible as you for your sex life. If hes not willing to put out when you want and vise versa (at least at reasonable times) then he might not be the one for you. He should also go with you to this sex therapist. Again it is his sex life as well that needs fixed.

I cant believe how many people are so lucky and just throw this away. Makes me feel so unlucky.:(

I can't fully understand your post so I'll answer it how I'm perceiving it.

Maybe try some foreplay and a vibrator? Has he been hitting the clitoris or is he trying to make you cum through penetration alone?

I'm going to do something I rarely do and go against the grain here. Instead of telling you how to learn to pleasure yourself, I think you need to get rid of the problem at the source. Any guy who would tell a girl something like this is a pure creep and he's not worth trying to please. You even offered to go to a therapist and he's not concerned enough to go with you. If you solve this problem, he'll find something else to be unhappy about. Time to solve the real problem and tell him to have a nice life. Let him be some other girl's problem.

Anyone who says what he said to you is not mature enough for a sexual relationship. I'm sure you can find another and a more caring one. So, just have patience for now.

Originally posted by: mschanchan
Dear friends

I was so upset and don't know how to solve out and happened a long .My man and i had been together already 8 months .We do love to hug ,kissing and sleep in the bed .like a normal couple during the thing .but we don't have sex . Even blow job ,and he keep telling me many excuse i'm tired ,i'm not in a mood and he don't like me i asked him for sex .it's will be turn him down immediately ,another the Big reason is... he said ''You cannot turn me on ~!' coz you cannot get a orgasm by yourself ..that's why i don't to be fuck you ..~!it's no meaning to be action and he want me to learn how to get orgasm by myself ...I'm no idea how to do and i tired before and not successful to satisfied him ..actaully i was suggested to see the sex therapists ,but he not willing to see with me together ....He was think about he don't have a problem and turn all the problem on me ...I feel very difficult . So do you have anyone can give me suggestion ? thanks you for help .

Try to focus on the good points or those points that you got the both of you together - this is only ment to serve your mental health - to avoid depression ect (and I guess you'd have gone off ages ago if those good points weren't around)

Try or even demand counselling - though he has to be willing 100% otherwise it wont work and since you can only control yourself best to pose the question to him directly - say something like "we need to sort this problem out otherwise im gone" in reality that is the situation though be careful - that is a direct approach and he just might go into a defensive mode.

Problem is due to him - either his personality or something much deeper - hence the need for counselling to id the problem and fix it - if its due to his personality then you need to go your own way - unless you can live with it or get his written and sighed word that he'll work to resolve his issues with regular help, guidance and support from you and the counsellor.

It's not you, it's him.
Allow yourself to meet someone who will treat you right. Then you'll see that it wasn't about you.

I agree with the other posts. Maybe the chemistry just isn't there for you two, and you can't make someone want you. There are all kinds of men out there who have very different tastes, and you will probably find someone who has the same as yours.

I think you should also find out what makes you tick. One thing I am slowly learning, is that I (and maybe you as well) invest too much into the man, and not enough into me. Maybe you need some time alone to figure stuff out about yourself, on every level. What are your hobbies? What are your passions (I'm not talking sex) really what can't you live without? What do you like to do in your spare time? Start from there to find someone who is compatible on these levels first.

As far as bringing yourself to orgasm, I personally find I need release - I don't know, it puts a spring in my step. There are all kinds of sites - what stimulates you? Have you ever tried masterbating? It's a good way to find out what you like, find out what makes you feel great... Although, physiologially speaking, all men and all women have the same parts, but you may find one area more sensitive than others... it's good for you to discover this, then when you're with a man, you can let him know what you like. As you explore each other, he may show you things you like that you never knew before.

If you can't bring yourself to orgasm, it is possible that you have a medical problem, either emotional or psycholocial or physical. If you can't get it going, perhaps you should see your doctor.

What I am wondering, is if you can't turn him on, he must be getting his satisfaction elsewhere. You may decide to explore that with him, or just let it all go.

Anyway, these are just a few of my thoughts... just another soul trying to figure all this out too.

That fact that henwould say that to you makes him a creep and he does not really care about you. He should be more supportive, you need to really talk about it with him or find someone who is more understanding.