Ask Dan & Jennifer

I'm not seeing a problem here. This married couple swings and his wife knows that you had sex with him. Even knowing that, they are inviting you to their home. A swinging couple won't care about having sex with other people, in fact, that's obviously what swinging is all about. So I don't see why you should be worried. If you don't want to be in a threesome, just let them know that's not something you're interested in.

I agree with YourEternalRest: I don't think there's a problem here. Sure, it'll be uncomfortable for a few minutes. That's true in any situation like this. If you get invited to do something you're not interested in, just be prepared to say "No."

I was looking for more advice on how to handle this. Does no one understand how difficult this is for someone not involved in an open relationship lifestyle? I mean I have never done this and I am over 50. It's really dismissive and a pat answer to just tell me there's "no problem". Sure, from their point of view there's no problem, but from mine there is or I wouldn't have written!!

ok well it's really up to you if you are ready for such a experience.

Their alright with it, its you who have to look deep with in your self and decide if you can live with it. They will probably, hopefully have some ground rules if not ask them about it if your going to go through with it.

I think you should meet them and see how things go. You could just tell them your not conferable with it, tell them you need time, or discuss it with them.

Its going to be down to mostly your decision. That's if you can live with it.

I understand why you are nervous. My husband and I are still in the process of opening up our relationship to others. While he is willing to do what your boyfriend wants to do, i am much more comfortable in a more one-on-one, "behind the scenes" encounter. Sure all involved may know about it, but we're not all sitting around having coffee and donuts over the conversation.
My advice to you is to tell him how you feel! Let him know that you are not yet comfortable about meeting his wife with that topic of conversation already on the table. Maybe the three of you could just start by doing some very non-sex things as a group - like going to a movie, out to dinner, a dance club, etc. and just see how it goes. You may find that you and she become friends and that would make you feel more comfortable about knowing her.
As far as a possible threesome goes.... slow down and again, tell him how you feel. He can talk to his wife and maybe that will help your first meeing go more smoothly.

I hate to go against what everyone else was saying but I do see a problem. It’s all too easy for people who are in the “Lifestyle” to think that others have or should have the same views on sex – marriage – and relationships that they do. Not everyone is in the lifestyle and not everyone wants to be in it either!

Ronnie, you have every right to approach this “Meeting” with caution. I would like to tell you that swingers and people in open relationships are always on the “Up and Up” but in truth they can be just as sneaky and underhanded as their vanilla counterparts. More than likely he is thinking about a 3some with you and his wife. They’re in an open relationship and I assume that you are having sex with him, so his next logical step would be to have you join in.

There’s nothing wrong with joining them, assuming that is something that you want, but from your post, at least at this point it’s not, and there is nothing wrong with that. I am also concerned about the “he doesn't want her to get jealous” comment. While I understand what he might be saying here, you two go back a long time and this may bother some other women, however it doesn’t sound like he has been completely upfront about something or there would be little reason for his wife to be jealous.

In my opinion which is really hard to offer without a lot of follow-up information, I would pass on the meeting. It doesn’t sound like this is something that you are ready for. You are not obligated to meet his wife or join in their lifestyle and if the situation makes you uncomfortable you probably shouldn’t do it.

If you decide that you want to meet her I would say to him before you go that you have no intentions of joining him and his wife in a 3some and that you expect no advances to be made in that direction. That will at least remove that part of the issue at least for the initial meeting. You can of course, should the moment overtake you, change your made and join them, if that’s what you want.. But at least you laid out the rules beforehand so that you don’t get pushed into something you are not ready for. Some lifestyle people can be pretty pushy at times.
Hope it all works out!