I know this girl for 5 years and 3 months and we been hang around in-group of 4 (two boys, 2 girls) quite regular for the past 3 years before that it a group of 10 – 15. The 4 of us normally go to the movies, dinner once every 2-3 weeks.
More than a year ago, one of our good friend wedding. so the big group decided for make a 2d animation for the good friend and show the anime on the wedding night. It end up a disaster on that night. Everyone abandon the project and I feel like no one care. Even miss P who I work closely on the animate, abandons me for FOOD. I was so mad, every grumble and I was mean to everyone. When I try to fix the problem and I saw her just wondering around me. At that moment I thinking if she said something aren’t helps, I gonna scream at her and make her look really bad. Finally at 10pm she start talking and I was speak less. I still remember her quote; she said, “is this important than your good friend wedding? you been working for 4 hrs and you have miss out half of the wedding. If it keep going like this you will miss out everything, everyone are looking for you” her words touch me deeply as no one expect my family said such a thing. Not even my buddy. I was stubborn I ask her for another 15 mins, disregarding the result. I come in and joy you guys.
After that day I think I change my impression toward her and I donno she notices it or remembering what she does . A lot of things happening between the 4 of us and once there a 5th girl involving but that out the side now (I think, sure be). I also notice our body syncanise sometime (I think), she reaction (verbal) toward me is still the same I think. I been asking for her point of views because I trust her judgment.
Now let me tell you about the present. On Friday night the 4 of us went to the movie. I sat next to her this time and I notice her foot keep pointing toward my foot quite often and this is not the first time after my friend wedding. But this night is very different from the previous night. This time she lean her shoulder on my left shoulder and pause for 1 or 2 mins. It was dark in the cinema but I feel like she place half of her back on me. She does it twice and I got brain freeze from it. My heart bits 200 bpm and my body completely paralysis. I only notice my foot and her foot moving until she give me a break.
The next day, Saturday morning, we went on a day trip, 4 of us plus 3 more. I pickup the two girls to my place. In the car she mension the other guy calls her and want to pickup. Anyway the 4 of us are in the same car. The other guy driving. We stop by a rocky place and once she rest her hand on my shoulder. I turn my head around wondering who touch me. I saw her and she take it off and keep walking (ATM, I gone HUH?????). In the car she talks a lot and non stop. Not to me but to the driver. At night we when to dinner, she for some reason she very very extremely grumble. I afraid she was sick because I notice she sneeze more than usual and she blow her noise in the car couple of time.
I been talking to much, let stay with the facts
1. me and her don’t talk alot in public. But we do exchange sms
2. we don’t chat on the internet, probably because of my attitude problem and my language bearer.
3. the driver like her for and have been trying for the past 4 years.
4. She knows the driver like her
5. The driver and she getting along very well on the Internet.
6. Sometime people think she and the driver dating.
7. The driver is a better and smooth talker. Good liar I know him too well.
8. Other girls in the big group think she like the driver too.
9. No one in the group knows I like her. Perhaps the 2nd girl (not sure)
10. The other girls said she grumble on the dinner because she was jealous because some other girl feed the driver.
11. The other members in the group wait for her and the driver announcement.
12. I want to know why she so grumble.
Now here my problem, I don’t know should I or shouldn’t express myself to her. I don’t know is that she uses me to make the driver jealous not move forward to her. I want to know the season she grumble, the guys said it probably the food. I feel insecure and I feel better if I don’t do anything then not doing something. I know I play a dangerous game here. I aware of both consequences, I might lost a male friend in exchange of my entire happiness (selfish), my friend might be hurt. If I don’t do anything I miss out what I believe is important. SIGH. Not to mension family issue too. WHAT SHOULD I DO???????? I been thinking about her all week. BIG SIGH
Sincerely
Ion