My weird boyfriend? - Love & Sex Answers

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My weird boyfriend?

in Sex and Intimacy » Sex Tips and Advice • 3 years ago

Love this website!:)

Anyways, I've been dating this guy for approx 3 years. The first 6 months, we has LOTS of sex! After that, we just came to a halt. The sex suddenly dropped between us. I didn't really know why, I mean, we have lots of variety. We practically try something new everytime. So I went to investigate on what might have caused us to stop. I openly and honestly asked him. He openly and honestly answered me back. He enjoyed sex with animals more. I thought it was horrific but I lived with it. Honestly, I have no idea what might have caused this. Anyways, our relationship is good but we pretty much have no sex now (which is pretty irratating for me). I once told him that I feel as if he's cheating on me by doing this and he always tells me "I'm always gonna love you more" or "No one is ever gonna replace you". I feel as if I have no say in what he does. I'm also pretty worried that he could get a disease. He doesn't use protection. Lately, he's been into inatimate objects. I don't know why, or how he does it. I don't care if he watches animal porn or fantasizes about it. All I want is for him to have sex with me for a change! It seems like I'm too normal for him! I even cry, wishing I could do something. I dress up in animal costumes (horse, cow, sheep, ect...) but he says it isn't the same. I'm extremly frustrated! He's just not fullfillng any of my needs. It's been 2 and half years now since I've had sex. I'm really starting to itch. But I don't wanna dump him. He's my first boyfriend and I love him. Plus, I'm a shy person so I can't really pick up guys fast. So my question is, are there any really tequnices for him to come back to me? Is he sick and justs needs to go to the doctor? Is what he's doing considered "cheating"? Please advise!

Replies(19)

Re: My weird boyfriend?

3 years ago

He likes to have sex with animals more? :confused:

Well that's a little freaky, even by this forum's standards. :p

Look, it's really simple. If he's not fulfilling your needs, break it off as smoothly as you can and try to find someone else who will. :)

Re: My weird boyfriend?

3 years ago

Originally posted by: Exavion
He likes to have sex with animals more? :confused:

Well that's a little freaky, even by this forum's standards. :p

Look, it's really simple. If he's not fulfilling your needs, break it off as smoothly as you can and try to find someone else who will. :)

Well, actually a lot of people are interested in beastiality :D I really don't have a problem. It's his fetish and everybody deserves to fantasize.The problem is that beastiality is a subtitute for sex with me. I really don't want to dump him. He's got all the characteristics of the perfect boyfriend. I just want to fix his "problem" and I'm not sure how.

Re: My weird boyfriend?

3 years ago

Oh I was not saying it's specifically wrong but it sort of is odd to me. :p

If he's not having sex with you at all because of it, that definitely is an issue. Maybe try and see a counselor?

Re: My weird boyfriend?

3 years ago

Originally posted by: Exavion
Oh I was not saying it's specifically wrong but it sort of is odd to me. :p

If he's not having sex with you at all because of it, that definitely is an issue. Maybe try and see a counselor?

Yeah, like I said, we haven't had sex for two and a half years. He says that nothing is wrong with him, that he's just fulfilling his needs. It'd be selfish of me to try to take something that he loves away. He's always been so kind too me. It confuses me :confused: if he loves me then he'd have sex with me, right?

Weird BF.

3 years ago

Sometimes it is unfortunate that why people we want to love, choose not to love us back. I strongly believe that we all have a match in this word but need to wait until we can get a serious relationship with us and will last. When one attempt to a relationship fails, it simply meant to be. If you are affected with the pain because of the relationship, always remember you can recover it. This could be easily dealt with if only our emotions are not evolved when we start to feel strongly for someone but more often than not ,the heart rules strongly over our head.

Re: My weird boyfriend?

3 years ago

Originally posted by: stargazer123
Sometimes it is unfortunate that why people we want to love, choose not to love us back. I strongly believe that we all have a match in this word but need to wait until we can get a serious relationship with us and will last. When one attempt to a relationship fails, it simply meant to be. If you are affected with the pain because of the relationship, always remember you can recover it. This could be easily dealt with if only our emotions are not evolved when we start to feel strongly for someone but more often than not ,the heart rules strongly over our head.

H-He loves me! I just know it! He always tells me it and I believe it! I can't break up with him just for a stupid cause, I just can't. I'll do whatever I can in my power to be able to strengthen our sex life. I don't what attracts him but i'll figure it out, I will...

Re: My weird boyfriend?

3 years ago

Well, to me, breaking up because your partner will not have any sex at all with you is a valid reason. That's just my opinion though.

Honestly, it's a personal matter, nothing something we can just tell you. If you feel like it's not cause enough to break up with him, than don't, and try to be happy. :)

bottom line

3 years ago

He is getting his emotional and physical needs met.

You are not.

You deserve to have your physical and emotional needs met. You can take care of that one of two ways:

- keep him as a partner but get your needs met elsewhere to fill in the blanks. You can discuss this with him so it won't be a secret. Just as you support him and accept him for who he is, he should accept you as you are.

- break up with him and find a better situation for you. I guarantee there is a better match out there for you. This is just one experience that you will learn and grow from.

Be brave and listen to your heart. You are still green when it comes to relationships, take it from a seasoned pro like me, you will find an even better situation.

k. in cleveland

Love is easy... relationships aren't

3 years ago

Originally posted by: Renee in Columbus
H-He loves me! I just know it! He always tells me it and I believe it! I can't break up with him just for a stupid cause, I just can't. I'll do whatever I can in my power to be able to strengthen our sex life. I don't what attracts him but i'll figure it out, I will...

OK, I'm just jumping in here as I've had a weird week and haven't been on much. I'm sure he does love you, but he well may not be in love with you. I love my closest friend very much, like a sister, it does not mean I am in love with her or would wish to have an intimate relationship with her.
It sounds to me like you are afraid of being alone, so you've settled for a give and no-take relationship. This is not fair to either of you. Regardless of who, or what, he wants to have sex with if he's not giving you anything, that is not fair to you.

Now, as far as the animal sex goes, fantasy is one thing, but it can get to be a very sticky legal situation. Sex is acceptable, legally and to most, morally, if both partners are consenting adults. The ability for an animal to give consent is non-existant, therefore this can be considered a sex crime. That is something you have to consider... if he were to get caught, and prosecuted.. could you live with a convicted sex offender? Local and state laws differ on this, but it is usually not acceptable in most municipalities.

You have tried to give him what he desires, he will not give back. This is not acceptable in a loving relationship. It is not something you can "fix" although therapy may help, but chances are when someone has a fetish they enjoy to the point of excluding "normal, healthy sexual activity" it is not something that is changed.. although behavior modification specialist psychotherapists may be able to help.

Good luck to you, and please, don't let yourself be ignored sexually!

Re: My weird boyfriend?

3 years ago

I completely agree with The Beautiful Kind. If you aren't completely happy with the relationship than something is wrong and he isn't even acknowledging it.

Originally posted by: The Beautiful Kind
He is getting his emotional and physical needs met.

You are not.

You deserve to have your physical and emotional needs met. You can take care of that one of two ways:

I'd bring up the topic of you finding sex elsewhere but staying with him for the relationship.
Even if you don't want to actually do it, bring up the conversation and pretend you do. See what he says. If he's against you being sexually satisfied but all for his own satisfactions, than there is a massive unbalance there and he's showing a form of disrespect and unlove towards you.
You deserve both emotional and physical pleasure too.

Or you can try making a compromise. Make a deal that he will always be safe with his activities (condoms), and have him go shopping with you for a vibrator, dildo, whatever for you to use. This way you have sexual pleasure that he's (indirectly) providing, and you don't have to worry about him bringing home any diseases (which I'm sure there are).

If he says no to all of your ideas and compromises than, honestly, it isn't worth it. He isn't worth it.
Not because of the sex, but because of the contradiction of him getting what he wants and ignoring what you want. It's rude, disrespectful, and simply unfair. It shows that in some way he doesn't love you.
If that's the case than yes, you should leave him, and that is the bottom line.

Re: My weird boyfriend?

3 years ago

Wow sweetheart, i thought i had problems. I can tell you what i think and you can agree or not.Your guy is a sick individual.Animals are made to have sex with animals.Not with humans. It is definitly an abomination.I don't guess you have to worry about catching a diesese, because he won't touch you.However, imagine you having kids someday with the man.He probably won't change his animal sex addiction, and will ruin your and your children's lives.you have got to get out before he waists anymore of your life.animal raping doesn't have any perks, it is just disgusting. According to yahoo answers,There are 2,174,605,518 (Males aged 15-64) in the world.That means their are plenty of fish in the sea. i would reccomend trying match.com and don't bring up this sicko, hopefully soon to be ex-boyfriend to anyone on the site. Their is somebody for everybody.

Re: My weird boyfriend?

3 years ago

Alright, let's be brutally honest here because I think that might help:

Hon, you can NOT (and really have no right to) change him or his needs.
He's your boyfriend yes, but he is his own person. If a person hates doing the dishes do you assume when you start dating them you can "train" them to enjoy it? No. Doesn't work like that.

And yes he's emotionally kind to you, but you have needs that are not being met. It sounds to me like you're extremely conflicted because at first it was like "Oh I understand people have fantasies" and then it was like "Does he need to see a doctor? I want to fix this."

It's obvious he doesn't see it as an issue to be fixed, the issue is how YOU are going to handle this. I understand he's a great guy in a lot of ways, and being shy it is hard to put yourself out there. But no one is asking you to seduce a hundred guys or even one guy.

If your needs are not being met and he can't or won't satisfy them then realistically you have to weigh how important sex is to you.
Maybe he does love you but loving someone doesn't always equate a great sex life or any sex life.

I think you both need to have a serious talk about your needs, both of your needs. It isn't fair for you both to be stuck in this pattern, open communication is the key to success here.

Also remember no one here is judging him or you, no one here is (or should be) lessening your love for each other. We're all giving our opinions and trying to help you out. Obviously this is a really hard place to be, and the end result may not be what you wanted but it is something you'll seriously have to consider.

Re: My weird boyfriend?

3 years ago

wow...ur weird this is ur first time, so wen was da last time uve seen it work out on da first time?

Beagle

Re: My weird boyfriend?

3 years ago

Honey, you are in denial! Do you really think this is something you can live with for the rest of your life? You can't help someone against their will. (i.e. "Therapy doesn't work for people that need it; it works for people that want it." )

You need to remember that he is having sexual relationships with creatures that can't give consent. I don't have a problem with the objects, but there's much more going on here. I don't know what the rest of the story is, but I can guarantee that what you know about is just the tip of the iceberg.

I think everyone here, men and women, are telling you the exact same thing. This relationship is already dead, and you're just refusing to bury it.

Re: My weird boyfriend?

3 years ago

You really love him, but for me it wont work anymore, it's been 2 years and still he is not doing his homework on you, he's sick and I mean it, he thinks that animal sex is better than you and this is a very disturbing matter, so its better to dump him, you had all the reasons to dump him just be strong, someone out there is willing to give you his time and will surely satisfy all your sexual demands, not like that geesh :mad:

femaleorgasm

He's a criminal

3 years ago

And psychologically ill. Leave now.

Re: My weird boyfriend?

3 years ago

Originally posted by: K. in Cleveland

Now, as far as the animal sex goes, fantasy is one thing, but it can get to be a very sticky legal situation. Sex is acceptable, legally and to most, morally, if both partners are consenting adults. The ability for an animal to give consent is non-existent, therefore this can be considered a sex crime. That is something you have to consider... if he were to get caught, and prosecuted.. could you live with a convicted sex offender? Local and state laws differ on this, but it is usually not acceptable in most municipalities.

There are websites that will highly disagree with you on Animals cannot give consent and is Non-existent. Some states still allow it (Florida for one) and some don't, some don't care. If they Bite you, that means NO. If they wag their tails when they see you naked and get excited, that means YES. Depriving a living animal of the right to have sex is cruel punishment. Most animals enjoy sex just as much as humans.

Replying to the topic... If he is into animals and you still love him.... have you thought about asking him to involve you and the animals? Would you be willing to get involved with animals? Did you know before hand he was into animals?

Animal sex is Taboo, so is having sex other than the missionary possession to Alot of people. To each their own.

Re: My weird boyfriend?

3 years ago

Originally posted by: stuckindamiddle
Wow sweetheart, i thought i had problems. I can tell you what i think and you can agree or not.Your guy is a sick individual.Animals are made to have sex with animals.Not with humans. It is definitly an abomination.I don't guess you have to worry about catching a diesese, because he won't touch you.However, imagine you having kids someday with the man.He probably won't change his animal sex addiction, and will ruin your and your children's lives.you have got to get out before he waists anymore of your life.animal raping doesn't have any perks, it is just disgusting. According to yahoo answers,There are 2,174,605,518 (Males aged 15-64) in the world.That means their are plenty of fish in the sea. i would reccomend trying match.com and don't bring up this sicko, hopefully soon to be ex-boyfriend to anyone on the site. Their is somebody for everybody.

An abomination only in YOUR Eyes. There for it is NOT definite. Depends on cultural back grounds and personal beliefs. In My OPINION anything that you consider "outside the norm" is an abomination. This is just an OPINION.

Beagle

Re: My weird boyfriend?

3 years ago

I have some experience in dealing with sex offenders through the court system, and I am willing to bet money the girlfriend only knows about the tip of the iceberg.

Our bodies and minds are designed to help us survive and pass our genes onto the next generation. Even non-procreation activities such as dancing and kissing facilitate pair bonding, and that gives our offspring a better chance of survival. The same can be said of BDSM; play leads to bonding even if not directly to reproduction. I don't think this qualifies as normal in any sense of the word.

I really respect the opinions of the people on this forum, and I benefit from the ideas I get here frequently. However, this is an area in which I do have some clinical experience and training. Sometimes people want me to tell them what they want to hear, instead of what they need to hear. What she needs to hear is that this is an abnormal behavior and there is almost certainly psychiatric pathology going on beyond what she is aware of. I am really afraid that she is going to find out a lot more over the next few years. I hope she finds it out before there's a child involved.