I'm sorry for what you both are having to go through. I can certainly understand your feelings. My best advice is to educate yourself on risks and prevention. I'm sending a link to the Wiki article on this. It's actually very accurate, and should help you make an informed decision.
Any sexual activity will carry some risk of transmission. Obviously that risk is greater with "skin to skin." Even between outbreaks, she can still shed the virus. Antiviral drugs can reduce the risk, but not eliminate it. Using barriers (condoms) reduces, but doesn't eliminate the risk. Washing with soap and water after sexual contact reduces, but doesn't eliminate, the risk.
I'm presuming she's receiving antiviral treatments. I'm also presuming you've been tested. If not, you need to be. The transmission may have already occurred, so protection may not be an issue. (Sorry about that, but I wanted to make sure you had thought about it.)
My only advice is to educate yourself and determine what degree of risk you can accept. Research is under way to eliminate viruses such as this from the body, so it will probably be cured during our lifetimes. Until then, all we can do is control and prevention. Until then, nobody but you and she can determine what activities are acceptable, given the degree of risk.
Please keep educating yourself and stay in communication with her. She's undoubtedly feeling very bad about herself, and probably guilty. She needs you to be her rock right now.
Herpes simplex - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
