Ask Dan & Jennifer

Originally posted by: fawkse
i am comfortable in my sexuality.
i am a little on the bdsm side. i've been this way for years...
my question is how can i bring this up to my fiance for exploring reasons with out him having a complex issue?
we all ready have certain things we do that are bdsm... choking, sufforcation, and the dom sub roles...
i want to try a more defined sexual expirience with props, clothing, and charchters.
we both are very open with eachother. we bot have great sex with eachother.
i don't think he knows exactly how dark my sexual appetite is though. i don't want to scare him or make him think he is not satifing me. on the contrary, i want to add a little more taste to the all ready great sex we have.
any suggestions out there as to bringing it up and making him feel adequate no matter his choice?

We started with playful spankings.He soon found out that wasn't enough for me.Within a short time we incorporated my friend as my mistress and she gave me my first real spanking,our first foursome,anal trainning,being collared.Within days he took control keeping me naked,spanking me[paddle],etc. Then we talked about my limits[which I have very little],I gave up complete control and not just sexually.He and her have given me experiences that were a complete surprise to me.Although I always wished to have sex with my mistress I found out I enjoy many fetishes beside being bi-sexual and submissive [oh I forgot oral and swallowing].I am a true at heart voyuer[love to watch my master and mistress having sex,or sex with others],love bondage,love to serve in anyway or service....This was always discussed between us and before we entered into another level.I finally convinced him it is not my choice anymore,though we do have a safe word.Seems to me talking always work,he is not a mind reader.You might be surprised!:eek:

Sub is Right, Start slow, and talk with your BF about everything before, during and After.

Do you and your BF watch porn together, if so, try bringing in some Porn that is more BDSM-trick, and tell him how hot you think that is.

Now do you want to be the Dom or the Sub? In Either case, you will have to make sure your BF is comfortable with his role, and that you both have a Safe word, and Safe Gesture pre-arranged. (the gesture is incase of gags).

Good luck, and have fun

Wolfie

more or less, i am the sub. i enjoy the role, and it's ultimate control of being able to stop at any time.
i have a part of myself that is masochist, and i can not control the sadistic side when i tap into it. so, i try to refrain from being the dom.
the last time i slipped, i got too carried away in biting... i like inflicting pain, and my partner is not into that.
don't worry though, the dom in me is under control unless i drink somewhat heavily... so there is no cause of alarm here.
what would be a good starting point to have my parnter inflict a little extra ouch?
i like to be bit and slapped. i would love to be tied up, teased, and denied...
hmm...
i think i'll just have to be honest aboutit! lol
thanks guys!

p.s.
i did reveal my desire to my fiance. i sent him an email, but he hasn't responded back. it's been 3 days now.
i know he read it, becuase he mentioned he did.
i am a little cautious right now, becuase he has distanced himslef from me. he did a little more hard core edicit in our last play time, but he has at the same time secluded from me.
am i right in thinking that he is just easing into what he his willing to do?
i really hate shaking off the idea that he thinks i am a freak! lol

Originally posted by: fawkse
more or less, i am the sub. i enjoy the role, and it's ultimate control of being able to stop at any time.
i have a part of myself that is masochist, and i can not control the sadistic side when i tap into it. so, i try to refrain from being the dom.
the last time i slipped, i got too carried away in biting... i like inflicting pain, and my partner is not into that.
don't worry though, the dom in me is under control unless i drink somewhat heavily... so there is no cause of alarm here.
what would be a good starting point to have my parnter inflict a little extra ouch?
i like to be bit and slapped. i would love to be tied up, teased, and denied...
hmm...
i think i'll just have to be honest aboutit! lol
thanks guys!

p.s.
i did reveal my desire to my fiance. i sent him an email, but he hasn't responded back. it's been 3 days now.
i know he read it, becuase he mentioned he did.
i am a little cautious right now, becuase he has distanced himslef from me. he did a little more hard core edicit in our last play time, but he has at the same time secluded from me.
am i right in thinking that he is just easing into what he his willing to do?
i really hate shaking off the idea that he thinks i am a freak! lol

Although I love to be spanked,i don't like the idea of being slapped.if you like to be slapped let him do it on your fanny[less hardcore].if you like to be bit try close pins on your nipples or nipple clamps.i also love to be tied and denied orgasms.discuss a safe word and use it before you are about to climax.when he sees how much you enjoy it he will catch on.i was always use to having my orgasms first and when I was first denied[i was taught ],it was extremely exciting[i know where your coming from].but as a sub his/she is in control,but i'm figuring your new and a very low level as to mine so go slowly.as i was told he needs to learn also.at first we are all beginners.have him tie you up and ask him to shower leaving you there for awhile when he returns act naughty and beg for a red fanny.

Turn it into a game. Each time you try something, suggest something creative that will take it up a notch.

Fill out my fetish checklist together! It can be found on Dan and Jennifer's site here under the BDSM channel. That's a great way to share your desires, as well as your limits.

thanks... i've got a start off point of taking turns watching each others porn of choice...
i think the visual will help the imagination. this way we both can talk about that i like this is not so good...
this'll work for us.
lol
anyone else got someting similar going on, i suggest to try to be open and accepting. that's the only way you both will move forward...

Originally posted by: Sub In Tenn
Although I love to be spanked,i don't like the idea of being slapped.if you like to be slapped let him do it on your fanny[less hardcore].if you like to be bit try close pins on your nipples or nipple clamps.i also love to be tied and denied orgasms.

Right on with what Sub is saying... slapping (especially in the heat of the moment it can be harder than you would do it otherwise) can cause damage, as the face is a sensitive area, as are teeth, gums, etc..

I think the key point is to try and keep this as much "mental" as possible, it's about control not inflicting pain. Or when it IS about pain, there are "safer" areas of the body such as the bottom - but genitalia / privates are also very sensitive and not the best candidates for inflicting pain.

Definitely check out The Beautiful Kind's awesome must-read articles in our Bondage, Fetishes, and Fantasies Channel - they're a must read when going into this area of play. Particularly these ones...

• The Beautiful Kind’s Ultimate BDSM, Fetish, & Kink Checklist
  
• What Everyone Ought to Know About BDSM
  
• Ooh, It Hurts So Good: Sadism & Masochism - The Pleasure of Pain…
  

Dan