No drive or passion for life?

in General and Off Topic Discussions » Off Topic Discussions • 1 years ago

Hey there. I would have posted this on another forum, but I've become familiarized here and I know that I'll get some serious replies. But it does tie into relationships, sex, etc. its pretty much just affecting my entire existence. So here's my spiel (sorry if the thought process seems broken, that tends to happen when I write).

My entire life I've suffered from a chronic lack of motivation, inspiration, drive...etc. etc. I've just never felt like anything mattered. I had to repeat a year of highschool because of this, so currently I'm finishing my grade 12 year. Its not that I don't enjoy the work I do, quite the contrary. I love my classes, Math, Physics, Psychology etc....its just like I said though, nothing feels like it matters. Since the time I started to really understand my situation I've blamed my father for my "condition". See, he never pushed us (my siblings and I) to succeed at anything, not to say that he hasn't been the most supportive figure in my life. For as long as I can remember he has suffered from chronic depression and supported us on a welfare income. The last couple years he has really changed his life around in this regard. He's got a job and whatnot now, so no more welfare, but he's still depressed as far as I can tell....and still depressing. Besides just being constantly angry because I feel that if "things had been different" then I wouldn't be in the situation I'm in now, I really just see my father as pathetic because of how he acts (I was going to go on about this but I was getting too off-topic). I know that how much my father has changed in the last few years would be considered inspiration for me to change my own life, but I hold too much animosity towards him and I see it as too much of a mask on his part. I know its unhealthy emotionally to blame someone else for your situation, and I try not to, I am trying to overcome this on my own ( a common theme in my recent past) but...it is difficult, to say the least.

But back to the topic at hand...

Despite my anger towards my father I can't see myself ever wanting to change my childhood. The trials I suffered in my early years shaped me to be and extremely mature and emotionally adept individual for my age. Through that I've become very meditative and introspective. I psychoanalyze myself constantly. I've been able to rationalize pretty much everything about myself except my lack of drive. I can not realize any rational cause for it. The only real theory I have about it is that the chronic laziness and general apathy that I learned from my father has become ingrained in my character to the extent that it has become near impossible for me to break the cycle. In recent years I've become a very spiritual person, which has probably been the most beneficial choice I've made in my entire life. That change is one of the only things I can positively credit with breaking myself out of chronic depression and self loathing (I still quite a bit of hate towards myself that I'm working through) and putting me on the path of self enlightenment.

So my question is simply this:

What can I do to find my drive/passion in life. (Personal inventories etc., yes. To-do lists etc., no)

If you've been through a similar circumstance and prevailed; How did you break the cycle? How did you find your passion? Anything else that might help?

*P.S. To be honest, I kind of feel that if I could just shed my current life then I could break through these issues. I feel trapped, confined in my small hometown. All my friends are moving on and I'm stuck in the past. I also feel that I have no chance to foster any new relationship since my last gf, because I'm stuck. Although I know this isn't really a big big deal (though it sort of is to me), I feel like a lesser person without a partner. Like I need to share my energy with someone and I can't be happy if I don't, type of thing. I can't really do anything about these specifics until the end of June-ish (When I'll be able to move out if I wish because I'll be finished HS) but I feel that these are some of the biggest factors of the negativity in my life currently.

Also, personal resources for activities etc. are rather low.

Thank you for reading, and for any replies.

Replies(7)

Beagle

Re: No drive or passion for life?

1 years ago

NazDun: Thank you for your very frank and self-revealing post. That must have taken a lot of courage. People make changes when the pain of not changing becomes greater than the pain of changing. It sounds like you're there. I sympathize with your lack of resources.

First of all, you are describing a classic case of a condition called Dysthymia, a subtype of depression. You are obviously going to need more than I can give you on an internet forum, but hopefully I can get you started.

First of all, I want you to go see your school guidance counselor. They are pledged to respecting your privacy and they can be very helpful in situations like this. I can also recommend an excellent self-help book that has been shown to help in cases of depression. It's been used with people who were on a waiting list for therapy, and it was found to help considerably. It's "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by David Burns, MD. It's based on the principles of Cognitive-Behavioral psychotherapy and is very scientifically based.

You may need to be on an antidepressant. Depression has a strong genetic link, and has been shown to be related to deficiencies of neurotransmitters. Specifically, the neurotransmitter norepinephrine has been implicated in cases of amotivational depression, depression in which the primary symptom is lack of motivation. Obviously this is something you will have to take up with a health-care professional. I want you to WikiPedia "dysthymia" and educate yourself about the condition. If you have any further questions, hit me back and I'll try to help. You will need more than online consultation, however.

love_danj..

naz

1 years ago

Hey man good onya!,
You say that you lack motivation?....I disagree. How many people do you know of invest no energy in their spiritual world?...How many people have you seen that can take responsibility for themselves like you do?...I like to say; " If your going to be greatful, be greatful you care".....Its soooo the easy road nowadays not to.
You see this in yourself because your someone who has cared enough, and put forth the energy to find it..you are not lazy nor are you indiffrent, in fact your the opposite...you are on a path of enlightenment... a seeker of knowledge and understanding of life and self and self within life. You know better than to look for an easy answer. Your doing the work and...

Personally I salute you.

What is the job of the student?
stay your case friend!...it is serving you well I feel.

Very Respectfully,
Love

love_danj..

comment #2

1 years ago

Dear Naz,
How did I get out?
I went deeper in.
I have so much shit going on in my life right now I cant help but laugh my ass off....its soo much better that way.

Longing for a partner is completely natural and it wont go away...we need that companionship and fellowship...someone to understand us, someone we can share and grow with....man I feelya...dont look for it, wait for it, indefinitely if need be, sometimes we are miles away from finding one another...like forces attract?...till then have a blast waiting.

It takes courage to meet yourself on the battlefield mate, thats why they call it the path of the warrior.

V/R...Love

nazdun

Re: No drive or passion for life?

1 years ago

Thanks Beagle, that puts a face to my demons, but from the diagnoses criteria it would seem I have more atypical depression. But now I can focus on treatment, though I refuse to take medication for things like this. While yes, sometimes it is a physical brain issue, I think that most cases are simply a state of mind issue. Either way, this has given me some insight, I guess I missed the class on depression in my Psych class :P *Oh yes, and I have talked to my counselor, and I went to see a physician (can't remember if they referred me to anyone) all they told me is what I already knew, though the physician did tell me about st. john's root and what properties it has (the only information from them that I already didn't have)*

And Love, I got slightly teary-eyed when I read your reply, so thank you, that made me a bit happier.

Beagle

Re: No drive or passion for life?

1 years ago

Just so we're on the same page, atypical depression is generally worse in the evening than in the morning and involves an increased appetite, especially for carbohydrates. If that is the case, there have been studies showing benefits to supplementing the diet with chromium picolinate, 600 mcg daily. Other forms fo chromium supplements have not had the same benefit. Studies regarding St. John's Wort (hypericum perforatum) in atypical depression have had mixed results, but there's nothing to lose by trying it. There have also been some promising studies with light therapy. If the depression seems to be worse in the winter, it could be Seasonal Affective Disorder, which often manifests with atypical features. Chromium Picolinate has been found to be beneficial in these cases. That's another area where there's nothing to lose by trying it. If you're interested in pursuing this, here's a link to a reputable manufacturer of light-therapy products. http://www.consumer.philips.com/c/light-therapy/11625/cat/us/ (I'm not affiliated financially with them in any way.)

nazdun

Re: No drive or passion for life?

1 years ago

Well, I'm definitely a LOT more active during the night. And yes, it does get worse and better with the seasons, but it is more or less ever present. But yeah, its definitely frustrating that when I'm most depressed is during the same period as the school year. If it is SAD then where I'm living is definitely NOT helping haha, I live in an apartment building and the portion that I'm in is enclosed by tall trees (Its more like and outdoor hallway to the back of the building) and I get very little natural light. I'll definitely look into that chromium supplement though, thanks.

grotesque..

Re: No drive or passion for life?

1 years ago

Im pretty sure I suffer from some kind of depression yet never done anything about it. I really should and this post has got me thinking a little.

Getting peoples opinions on your situation is fine but seriously its a forum, careful with what you read. My advise (and something I think Ill do) is see a doctor. Don't like what they say, get a second opinion from another.

Careful with pills and the likes. Diet and exercise are a good start if you can be bothered to do it. I started the gym and only lasted 6 months. Started riding my bike which lasted a week. At least my diet is very good and I do think it helps a lot. Otherwise I would be much worse (I think the fatter you are the worse depression can be, but Im not 100% sure).

Good luck mate. :cool: