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Help please! Before I start, let me first say that I really do love my husband and I am totally committed to staying married to him. I am not asking if I should leave him, so please don't bother suggesting it. That being said, here is my dilemma:
I've been married for 10 years to a wonderful guy. He is usually very sweet and loving, and has many traits women would love to have in their husband. Sex has always been an issue for us, though. I have a very low sex-drive--don't know if its b/c I take birth control (we don't have kids) or if that's just how I am... He knows about it, and tries to be considerate by not pressuring me too much. I try to have sex even when I'm not in the mood b/c I know its important to him. For the first 5 years or so, we had sex about once a week, or sometimes even every other week. More recently, if we were together every other week we would be doing good. Its somewhere between there and once a month. For the record, the problem is not physical for me. I enjoy having sex once I get over my mental block of not feeling attracted to him, and can almost always have an orgasm. The problem is that I feel no physical attraction to him at all anymore, or hardly even romantic feelings. It makes me sad when I watch couples on tv kissing passionately or being physical, because I wonder if I'll ever feel those feelings again or if I'll be faking them for the rest of my life to not hurt his feelings.
For the last 2 years or so, my sex-drive has really plummeted--to like zero! He hasn't gained weight or let himself go (any more than he used to), so I'm not sure exactly where this is coming from. Our marriage is not perfect. There are things I would like him to change that he won't or can't. But I also know that he is a really great husband in so many ways, and I should be counting my blessings. I just don't know if I should lay it out on the line for him tell him that I have absolutely no interest in sex with him, or if it would do more harm than good. Could it spur him to make some changes to help me feel more intimate towards him, or will it just crush him? And no, I don't want to look outside of my marriage for sex or inspiration, just fyi. I'd appreciate any good advice, especially from a man's perspective.
I've been married for 10 years to a wonderful guy. He is usually very sweet and loving, and has many traits women would love to have in their husband. Sex has always been an issue for us, though. I have a very low sex-drive--don't know if its b/c I take birth control (we don't have kids) or if that's just how I am... He knows about it, and tries to be considerate by not pressuring me too much. I try to have sex even when I'm not in the mood b/c I know its important to him. For the first 5 years or so, we had sex about once a week, or sometimes even every other week. More recently, if we were together every other week we would be doing good. Its somewhere between there and once a month. For the record, the problem is not physical for me. I enjoy having sex once I get over my mental block of not feeling attracted to him, and can almost always have an orgasm. The problem is that I feel no physical attraction to him at all anymore, or hardly even romantic feelings. It makes me sad when I watch couples on tv kissing passionately or being physical, because I wonder if I'll ever feel those feelings again or if I'll be faking them for the rest of my life to not hurt his feelings.
For the last 2 years or so, my sex-drive has really plummeted--to like zero! He hasn't gained weight or let himself go (any more than he used to), so I'm not sure exactly where this is coming from. Our marriage is not perfect. There are things I would like him to change that he won't or can't. But I also know that he is a really great husband in so many ways, and I should be counting my blessings. I just don't know if I should lay it out on the line for him tell him that I have absolutely no interest in sex with him, or if it would do more harm than good. Could it spur him to make some changes to help me feel more intimate towards him, or will it just crush him? And no, I don't want to look outside of my marriage for sex or inspiration, just fyi. I'd appreciate any good advice, especially from a man's perspective.
