Ask Dan & Jennifer

Originally posted by: Michael in Pennsylvania
I have tried online dating in the past and never had any luck. Last month I signed up for a 3 month membership to give it one more chance, before I give up. I sent out about 30 messages to different ladies and only received one response. How can I get women to respond to my profile that are my type? I don't take good pictures (at least I don't think so.) and my writing ability with initial e-mails and profile body copy are pretty bad. I need some help. Any tips would be appreciated. Thanks!

Michael in Pennsylvania

Hey there,

I am having very similar problems. It really surprises me women wouldn't reply to messages, even though you may have very similar interests (according to your profiles). Have you tried sending followup emails to some of the people you have sent messages to?

You know, I'm not sure why dating online would sound intriguing if you're seriously looking. I mean, think about it. It's awkward enough going up to a girl in your class/job/etc. and trying to talk to her. Imagine the awkwardness of meeting somebody on a dating website. True that you both know each other's looking for a date, but still...

For instance, I had a problem with my financial aid for school last year, and I called my fin aid department for help. The girl on the other line helped me, and I got really aggrivated but kept my cool because I'm not one to lose his temper. Anyway, the girl found me on myspace, told me she thought I was really nice even though I went through hell to get my scholarship money, and so then we started "online" talking, sending message after message over myspace and the like. It was kinda weird, but I didn't really think too much about it. Well, one day she said she wanted to hang out, study, and such... I must say, meeting her was the most awkward moment in my entire life. And I think she felt the same way.

The ending is what I made it, a friendship that is left on myspace and no closer. I like it that way...

So, online dating... not for everybody.

You must write to much many girls in order to be sucessful in online dating

//EDit: it's like a lottery. the more tickets you take, the bigger chance to vin

I'll tell you guys, it's because women get bombarded with messages. And usually with sites that are specifically for dating, they'll send out general messages/flirts to people they think are matches.

My first day on AFF, I got about 34 messages and I didn't have a photo. So, I mean if you don't have a serious anxiety problem, it's best if you stay personal when meeting ladies. At least she can see your face and hear your voice. I think guys have a better chance at a crowed bar than on a dating site.

Good luck.

Hay guys, some answers here make me upset a bit! It si easy for you to tell go and meet real people,it is easy when you are in school, uni or at certain jobs. But I myself am in a possition where I simply am expopsed to a very limited number of people, hardly any newone, and I belong to the age group where there are few singles. I live in a new town and have few friends. I do many things in my liofe, but do not enjoy lets say going to a bar or night clubs. I like more calm places and more calm things to do. So what should I do? stay home and knite socks? I would really like to have understanding that some people have not much other choice to meet other singles but date online. Besides there is nothing wrong in meeting a person online.
And when it comes to your question, my dear freind, I am actually in a somewhat simmilar position. I actually have no problems writing, expressing myeslf, and do not consider myself ugly, or anything (I am far from being a Barbie doll, but I am ok) , and still most of the times very few normal men contact me. So here is what I did, I applied to several dating sights. It was surprising to discover that different dating sited have completely different types of people. So far the best sight for me was connectingsingles.com, and it is even for free! It is much easier to use, and somehow people there seem to be more social, open to communicate. The letters which I woudl rather feel like answering are the letters when I notice that the guy read my profile very carefully, that he adresses me personally (not writing the same letter and then copy-pasting it to 30 different perosns). Even if he asks the most stupid question, but if there is honesty and quriosity about me in it, then it always moves me and makes me courious about the guy. I found that it is the best if in my corespondence I balance talking about myself and asking questions about the person I want to know. This shows that I am curisous about the other and also willing to open myself. If I receive this kind of letters I am more likely to answer. So i think that there is not really a recepy how to write that particular letter on the dating sight. just be open, positive and interested. Be who you really are, and keep trying. And for a photo...hm..well maybe ask a freind of yurs to make a good one of you, or go to a professional photographer. I always look atthe pictures first and it tells me a lot about the person _ the choice of pictures, what is on them, what is he wearing (I do not like guys with sunglasses on dating sight, or when they put a pic of a bunch of freinds, or their super new car...but that is me), what is in his background. It is the choice of teh pics which a person puts of himself that makes understand much about him.
OK this much from me.Keep trying and maybe see the videos of Dan and Jennifer. they also relate some of your issues.
Good luck. :-)
Barbara

I started from online chatting to online dating over a decade now, totally agree with you online dating, sometimes you need more than luck. You can actually be in control of matchmaking yourself. Registration process can be long sometimes (even though they can be rather easy and brainless at times), it really takes up a lot of your brain juices by the time you reach the most important bit - selecting your picture, decide on your nickname and headlines. Avoid all the frustration:

1. Know your inner needs - Are you driven by FUN, SECURITY or SIGNIFICANCE? Why? This will save you hell lots of sending all PMs and get less than promising response.
2. Once you know your driver, categorize the dating sites based on the requirement, e.g. setting a store cart in a market place, you gotta know the spec and requirements of the store, before you start building yours, take 10 mins or so aside, on a white piece of paper to decide on the key requirements: i.e your nickname, photo (what's the message that you are trying to convey), headline and 3 things that you can differentiate yourself.
* A lot people always start from their desire match, I say you start from your potential competitor(s) before you start editing your profile as a head-start, in that way they always give you jolly good idea of the benchmark. :cool:
3. Find the compatible one, you can actually tell by their nicknames and pictures (use the 9 section method) they choose. Of course, they'll know you as much too. :)

Hope these help! We play to win! :)

by David DeAngelo. It's a how to DVD program. This guy is the best in a world when it comes to dating.

Originally posted by: Michael in Pennsylvania
I have tried online dating in the past and never had any luck. Last month I signed up for a 3 month membership to give it one more chance, before I give up. I sent out about 30 messages to different ladies and only received one response. How can I get women to respond to my profile that are my type? I don't take good pictures (at least I don't think so.) and my writing ability with initial e-mails and profile body copy are pretty bad. I need some help. Any tips would be appreciated. Thanks!

Michael in Pennsylvania

Your online dating relationship won't work out if you do not get good pictures because good photos is among the several ways to draw attention from interesting singles that could be your potential mate and then ask your friend who are gifted with writing abilities to help you write your personal profile.

Michael,

I don't know if you're still around but I wanted to try to give you some help here. If not maybe somebody else can benefit.

When I frist started online dating I got really similar results to what you're describing, so I totally understand. Thankfully now I get much better results.

What types of things are you writing in your emails? I've found certain messages like "hey, how are you" or a quick email mentioning she's so attractive almost always get deleted.

On the other hand are the way too long emails telling her your life story, the name of your first dog, and your social security number :) Those definitely won't work either.

Usually a good 2-4 sentence email that keeps it light and playful is best. Be direct and confident, tell her why her profile caught your eye, and ask at least one question so she has something to respond to.

Are these the types of emails your sending? Let me know and maybe I can provide some more specific help.

I liked your tips Michael. thank you.