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About a year and a half ago, my older siblings friend from the past contacted me in hopes of finding them. I didn't know her but in time we grew to become good friends. Well about 4 months into our new friendship I find that she is dating my brother.
My brothers history of dating girls has been very bad. My brother cheats, lies and all of the above when it comes to relationships. So I feel I should "warn" her because we've become friends. So I do and she disregards my warning. Well a few months later he cheats with a girl, claiming it happened before their relationship but we both caught him in the act on more than 1 occasion. So they break up, she runs to me saying I was right and she should have listened to me. A week later they get back together. A few months into the relationship my brother (who was an alcoholic) hits her in a drunken rage. He goes to jail she presses charges. All the while I am her support telling her she doesn't need him and that she can do much better. (She tries to drop the charges but fails) After he serves 10 days in jail she gets back together with him. A few months later she finds him cheating with the previous girl and a new girl on more than 1 occasion. Breaks up with him. So as you can see this is a continual cycle. Repeatidly I've told her to just leave him alone because he's a dog and won't change his ways due to his pride and subbornness.
Well...the BIG BLOW UP...one of the girls he cheated with was my cousins wife. I found that out and confronted her and told her that they better stop or I will tell my cousin. She told my brother and to make a long story short, my brother hates my guts. He blames me like I'm the one who made him cheat. To cover her ass, my cousins wife tells people in our family that my brother has made advances on her but she NEVER did anything which is a fat lie because I stumbled across their text message to each other. I called her out on it because placing the blame on my family doesn't set well with me. Anyway...in the end, I lost some respect for my family and my friend lost my brother.
BUT!
A week later (always a week later), my friend comes down to stay with me for a week. To get away from things back home. The 3rd morning I wake up for work and notice that all her stuff and gone and my front door is left unlock. So I call her up and ask what happened or whats wrong? She said my brother is coming down to be with her and refuses to stay in my apartment (like he was welcomed to in the first place). I am upset at this point because I stood by her when she needed comfort or peace of mind and I turned my back on my brother and family, not just for her but because my brother cheating with my cousins wife is horrible and needed to stop. Basically..I lost my family's respect, she got her heart broken and my brother got nothing. He's won, back on top of the world. So she tells me to support her decision on taking him back and hopes it doesn't ruin the friendship. As far as I'm concerned she chose a guy over her friend. It doesn't matter if the guy is my brother.
Facts about my brother, he isn't an alcoholic anymore, he's been clean for more than 100 days, but he is addicted to smoking weed and smokes more than a train. He's been going to anger management because he's required by the court but he has such a short temper...even when we were younger he'd raise his fist to me and my father would have to stop him. He's 36, living at home with my parents, no job, no car...no life.
Facts about my friend, she is a supervisor as an EMT and has her own home, own vehicle and has 3 kids from a previous marriage. She has her degrees in medicine and is continuing on to obtain her Masters as an EMT.
Obviously she's smart...but my question is...WHAT THE HECK DOES SHE SEE IN MY BROTHER??
I've asked her and she always tells me, he'll change, he has a good side. But after years of enduring the crap my brother put my parents and other siblings through, I don't see any good in him at all. She tells me I should support my brother, but after all this but how I can I be there for him after he's disrespected me, my boyfriend, my sister and my parents? He's done too much damage to our family and he still doesn't change like he promises.
Now...I know I've said..NOT MY PROBLEM...BUT...I just want to know...why do strong smart women (like I thought she was) continue to go back to these types of relationships? My brother has put her though so much by cheating on her, being abusive physically and emotionally. Why does she keep going back?
I have read that some women are afraid of being alone and will endure all the name calling and physical abuse to feel loved but this isn't like my friend. So I don't understand
I'm really just frustrated but I need some advice...do I stand by her and support her decision to remain in a relationship with my brother? Do I cut all ties with her and leave her be? Do I have a right to be angry afterall?
Whew!..lol....thanks!
:eek:
About a year and a half ago, my older siblings friend from the past contacted me in hopes of finding them. I didn't know her but in time we grew to become good friends. Well about 4 months into our new friendship I find that she is dating my brother.
My brothers history of dating girls has been very bad. My brother cheats, lies and all of the above when it comes to relationships. So I feel I should "warn" her because we've become friends. So I do and she disregards my warning. Well a few months later he cheats with a girl, claiming it happened before their relationship but we both caught him in the act on more than 1 occasion. So they break up, she runs to me saying I was right and she should have listened to me. A week later they get back together. A few months into the relationship my brother (who was an alcoholic) hits her in a drunken rage. He goes to jail she presses charges. All the while I am her support telling her she doesn't need him and that she can do much better. (She tries to drop the charges but fails) After he serves 10 days in jail she gets back together with him. A few months later she finds him cheating with the previous girl and a new girl on more than 1 occasion. Breaks up with him. So as you can see this is a continual cycle. Repeatidly I've told her to just leave him alone because he's a dog and won't change his ways due to his pride and subbornness.
Well...the BIG BLOW UP...one of the girls he cheated with was my cousins wife. I found that out and confronted her and told her that they better stop or I will tell my cousin. She told my brother and to make a long story short, my brother hates my guts. He blames me like I'm the one who made him cheat. To cover her ass, my cousins wife tells people in our family that my brother has made advances on her but she NEVER did anything which is a fat lie because I stumbled across their text message to each other. I called her out on it because placing the blame on my family doesn't set well with me. Anyway...in the end, I lost some respect for my family and my friend lost my brother.
BUT!
A week later (always a week later), my friend comes down to stay with me for a week. To get away from things back home. The 3rd morning I wake up for work and notice that all her stuff and gone and my front door is left unlock. So I call her up and ask what happened or whats wrong? She said my brother is coming down to be with her and refuses to stay in my apartment (like he was welcomed to in the first place). I am upset at this point because I stood by her when she needed comfort or peace of mind and I turned my back on my brother and family, not just for her but because my brother cheating with my cousins wife is horrible and needed to stop. Basically..I lost my family's respect, she got her heart broken and my brother got nothing. He's won, back on top of the world. So she tells me to support her decision on taking him back and hopes it doesn't ruin the friendship. As far as I'm concerned she chose a guy over her friend. It doesn't matter if the guy is my brother.
Facts about my brother, he isn't an alcoholic anymore, he's been clean for more than 100 days, but he is addicted to smoking weed and smokes more than a train. He's been going to anger management because he's required by the court but he has such a short temper...even when we were younger he'd raise his fist to me and my father would have to stop him. He's 36, living at home with my parents, no job, no car...no life.
Facts about my friend, she is a supervisor as an EMT and has her own home, own vehicle and has 3 kids from a previous marriage. She has her degrees in medicine and is continuing on to obtain her Masters as an EMT.
Obviously she's smart...but my question is...WHAT THE HECK DOES SHE SEE IN MY BROTHER??
I've asked her and she always tells me, he'll change, he has a good side. But after years of enduring the crap my brother put my parents and other siblings through, I don't see any good in him at all. She tells me I should support my brother, but after all this but how I can I be there for him after he's disrespected me, my boyfriend, my sister and my parents? He's done too much damage to our family and he still doesn't change like he promises.
Now...I know I've said..NOT MY PROBLEM...BUT...I just want to know...why do strong smart women (like I thought she was) continue to go back to these types of relationships? My brother has put her though so much by cheating on her, being abusive physically and emotionally. Why does she keep going back?
I have read that some women are afraid of being alone and will endure all the name calling and physical abuse to feel loved but this isn't like my friend. So I don't understand
I'm really just frustrated but I need some advice...do I stand by her and support her decision to remain in a relationship with my brother? Do I cut all ties with her and leave her be? Do I have a right to be angry afterall?
Whew!..lol....thanks!
:eek:
