Ask Dan & Jennifer

I have known my friend & her family for 15 years. We became best friends & she was always the person I'd turn to with any problem I had. I was close with her family & often attended family functions. It became a joke that her brother & I should be together because I was "such a good girl" & he needed a good girl in his life, instead of the girls he had dated. Her brother ended up getting married, but has said that he wishes he never had. The entire family, including my friend, has always disliked the girl because of the things she has done and the way she acts. This past summer, my friend wanted to plan an out of town trip for the two of us. As her brother lived where we were going, & also worked at a hotel at the time, she decided that we would stay at his place for a night, stay at the hotel for a few nights, then figure out what to do after that. Her brother & his wife picked us up at the airport. He had always been nice to me in the past, but his wife was always a b*tch to me and she never truly had a reason to be before. I tried to be nice & talk to her but the girl was not very social & went straight to bed when we got to the house. The rest of us stayed up talking for hours, figuring out what we were going to do the next day. The next day came & my friend's brother called & told us to come to the hotel, the room was ready for us & we could get ready there for our day. His wife dropped us off at the hotel but said she didn't want to come in when I asked her to stay for a bit. She ended up going home, packed everything she owned, & left. She called my friend & told her that she was leaving, moving to a different state. We both tried to get her to stay-told her to just stay at the hotel with us for a few days & let things calm down. My friend's brother ended up telling his wife that if she leaves the state then it would be over; this was something they had gone through before & he was through with having a marriage that would be back and forth like that.The girl left. My friend's cousin drove down to spend a few days with us while we were on vacation. We decided to go out-my friend, her brother, their cousin, & me. Her brother & I began to spend a lot of time together. We talked about all sorts of things. He ended up telling me that he had liked me for so long, always wanted to be with me, & always asked his sister about me. At that point, I really didn't know what to do. I had been out of my last relationship for about a year, but his had just ended! We continued to spend time together & he told me he wanted to move back to my home state (which is where he is from too) & be with me. I began having feelings for him, things started to happen really fast, & this scared me. Nothing sexual had happened while I was on vacation, so I know that the feelings we shared were real. I talked to my friend about the situation. She said that it was weird, but that she was okay with it. She said to let him move back & see what happens. She then decided to leave with their cousin, who was driving home, so she could spend time with her boyfriend sooner than when he planned on driving to see her. So she left me alone with her brother with this new situation that was happening. Still, nothing sexual happened! We spent a few days together talking & decided what we were going to do. He gave his work a 2 week notice because he planned on finishing out his job & coming home. The plan was for him to live at his sister's house for a while. I flew home on a Wednesday. That afternoon, while he was at work, his ex drove back to their house and stole some of his belongings...a laptop, camera, their dog! Two days later, he told his landlord he was moving, packed up what he could, & flew home. His sister was still on vacation, spending time with her boyfriend. Her power was out so he was going to stay at my house until the power got turned back on. We set a spare bedroom up for him at his sister's house, but when she came back home, she started arguing about him staying there & it became a disaster. He ended up moving in with me. Again, when my friend came home, I asked her if it bothered her that her brother & me were together. She said no. But as the days continued, her & I spoke less and things got strange/uncomfortable. Her brother and I were getting along great and things became very serious. We talked about buying a house together, getting married, starting a family. The problem, he was already married! He began to file for a divorce. His wife, who ended up moving to the same state, filed for divorce too. It was great that the divorce process had started. Now the big problem. The girl is pregnant! It turns out that she was pregnant at the time she left, but didn't know it at the time. Her story changes day by day. It really doesn't matter though...she is pregnant and it happened before they split up. So she's been trying to get him back. He says that he still doesn't want to be with her. It took him a long time, but he accepts the fact that she is pregnant & wants to be there for his child, but doesn't want to be with her. I tried to stay neutral with the situation.I didn't want my opinion to have an effect on him so I kept it to myself. No female wants to fall in love with a married man who has a child on the way. But I was already in love & this was my situation. He made it clear to me that if I wanted to be with him then I would have to be involved-that I would have to accept him having a child with another woman, deal with it, & be there for him. I wanted to be with him & I wanted to be there for him, but I told him that she would be the one that would not accept it. As time went on, he learned that she wasn't accepting it. She told him that if we were together, or lived together, that he would never see his kid. He told me that he wanted to move out to avoid a custody battle with her, but he still wanted to be with me. If we are together, then she needs to understand that & deal with it, I told him. He insisted that she understood the fact that we were together, but still would not let him see the kid if we were living together. He said that his plan was to move out, go through the custody issue, be able to see his child in the meantime, & continue our plans once the custody issue was resolved.He moved out a week & a half ago, while I was at work. He told me in a text message, but also told me that he hopes I still want to be with him. We talked on the phone & he told me that he still wanted to be together. My mind was going crazy & my heart was hurting. I didn't know what to do & I didn't know what to think. I told him I wanted to let that night be as it was & talk about things the next day. I didn't want to make any decisions that night & I didn't want to say something that I might have later regretted. We talked a couple of times through text & on the phone that night, but nothing major was said. I went up to my work that night, my second job, to pick up my check. I talked to a few co-workers & had a drink. My boyfriend called & I told him what I was doing. I'm 27, I'm old enough to drink & I know how to handle myself! He ended up getting mad, said that if I cared then I would have been calling him all night & would have gone to his work to try to talk to him. He told me that night that he didn't want to be with me any more. The next day I tried to call him about my extra car keys, house key, garage opener. He ignored my call. He text me that the keys were at my house & he didn't have the garage opener & told me not to text him again. So I hadn't. Yesterday he sent me a text telling me he found my garage opener. He said he was at his sister's. I replied & said that I would just pick it up from her, even though I didn't want to go to her house. He ended up calling me & wanted me to meet up with him on his way to work. I did. I got the garage opener, gave him a letter I had written, & gave him some mail of his. He told me that he doesn't want me out of his life forever-he doesn't want to not talk to me ever again-he wants to be "friends." Friends? Our relationship was very serious. We were making big plans for the future & then he wants to be friends. I told him no, it's too painful. I left. He read my letter, which didn't say much-just that I know I didn't open up enough to him because of the situation & that I didn't understand how things got so bad. He called me. He basically said that things just weren't working out with us, I did need to open up more, & that I should open up to him now & talk to him about things. At the time, I didn't want to talk about it on the phone. It would have been an intense conversation & one that would last long. He was on his way to work & there wasn't enough time to talk anyways. We hung up & I haven't talked to him again. My mind is still confused & my heart is still hurt. Do I call him & tell him how I feel about him, about us? Do I pour my heart out to him in hopes that things will work out for us? Or do I just keep it all in because of fear that it wont? I know that I love him. I have had serious relationships before, but feel so different with him than I have ever felt. He has told me the same thing. I don't know what to do. His divorce is not yet final. He still says that he doesn't want to be with his ex. His ex has not yet had the baby. I don't know if I should wait until that happens & then decide what I should do, or do something now before it's too late. I'm so confused! Please help!!!!