Please Help Me out

in Love and Relationships » Love and Romance • 2 years ago

Hello .. thank you for reading my letter......I really need your help.... I met a girl 3 months ago in the college... we were taking the same class and i really really liked her since the first time i saw her... I tried to aproach her and i talked to her... after 2 weeks i asked her out and she told me that she had just broken up with her boyfriend (almost 11 month relationship) and that she wasnt ready for starting dating again... i respected that and waited....
In the class everybody thought we had something...because we started to be together... to have lunch at the food court together... to go to the library together... we sat together too... when the teacher asked if we were dating... i waited her to respond...she said: No no, we are just only friends... and anoter student said...dont lie to us... you are dating... i said: No we are not.... but i wish we were... she looked at me and smile...but she flashed up...her face was red...
So time passed and i asked her out and in a romantic dinner that i took her i asked her to be my girlfriend... she answered that wasnt ready for a new relationship.. that she got out form a mean boyfriend who cheated on her, lied to her and hurt her..and she still had fillings for him..... One of her friends told me that she was really hurt.... then one day she called me and told me that she has changed her cell phone number because her exboyfriend was arrasing her... she gave it to me... (Since i met her... she has changed her number for the same reason 4 times) she said that she didint know who he could have figured out her new number.... maybe a friend in common gave it to him i said...
I payed attention to her body language... she was flirting to me.... looked for me, or asked where i was, when i ever arraived late for the class. I forgot to say that everytime we met or said bye..she kissed me on the cheek and i kissed her in the cheek.
She started to leave early and before the class was even finished... when i asked her why/ She said that her exboyfriend was trying to get her at the college and she didnt want to meet him...i offered myself to talk to him and ask him to stop bothering her... she said no thanks please i dont want something like that.. ok i said
Then time passed i asker her out again and while we were having a romantic dinner i asked her again to be my girlfriend she said no... that she only saw me as a friend.. that i was nice, funny adorable cute... but she didnt want to hurt me dating me...while she still had feelings for him.... when we were in the parking field, she just told me her ex was there and didnt want him to see us...because he would have come to bother us ..;so we left.
She knew i didnt know the city and she called me after 30 min to see if i was doing ok. i was drunk and she was worried that i was lost...
Everytime we went out... i tried to touch her.. to play with her hair and hold her hand... at the beginning she didnt said anything... but after a few min of me holding his hand..she pulled back her hand saying nothing.
I gave her flowers every time we had a romantic dinner.. she has accepted all my gifts, all of them..regardless she has had a boyfriend or not.
Then time passed and one day she told me that she got back with her ex and that she didnt want to lose me as a friend because i was an important person to her.. and she asked me to never leave her or stop being her friend because of this... i said... you know i like you.... i really do.. but your friendship is also important to me.... maybe someday you will be my girlfriend and with a solid friendship we would have a super relationship... she huged me and thank me.
i was destroyed, then after 2 weeks i found out that she broke again with him because he hurt her again and she changer her number again..
My birthday came and she invited me to have lunch with her and she gave me a lovely card.. she told me that i was the best and that i have always been in her heart and prayers. i huged her and kissed her on both cheeks.
Her birthday came and i wanted to make that day special. eventhough she had to work on monday and told me was almost impossible to see her that day.. because she was having lunch with her family... she accepted to see me one day before her birthday..we went to have lunch and i gave her 2 teddy mice. as birthday gift...she said: Its so nice of you... you gave me what i liked in a pink color gift bag and gave me a cd with the songs i like... yes i said..because i have always paid attention to you... i know you like disney teddy bears... pink is your favourite colour and this is the song you like the most... she was so happy she huged me and kissed me on the cheeks. she told me that she put the teddy bears in her bed and are spendidng the night with her...
I had to go to Houston to take a test...she called me to wish me good luck and asked me where i was staying... i said with a friend.. ok she said a she or he? a he i said ok she said.... i will pray for you and you will be in my mind...what time are you done? at 5pm i said..ok then she called at 5pm and asked me how was my test,.... that she had been thinking of me all day long and wanted to know how was it.. i said... i think i did well
then she called me the next day and i didnt reply because i was taking another test... then i called her last saturday and she was weird...she said that she drunk some wine and she told me that she got back with her ex again...
What i said.... he has hurt you many timess.... yes...but she asked me for another chance he said he has changed... and in life we have to forgive... she said...
please dont stop being my friend you are very important to me... I dont know i said...
you should be happy for me she said... iam happy.... iam not happy i said because you will be hurt again..but if that what you want and you are happpy i will be too.. just dont let that man to hurt you again...
Iam confused, please help me i have fell in love with her and i dont know if she has feelings for me or not.. she acted like she does...but with all these i am desesperated..and confused.
please tell me what to do and how i can get her to be my girlfriend i really love her... but i dont want me nor her to suffer.. i know in a couple of weeks days or maybe months he will dumped her again.
Yesterday i was at the bar and she came with him... she told me that she wanted to introduce him to me... because iam a very important person in her life...and asked me to not get lost..that he loves me.. and bla bla
I told her was painful to me that and and then she said ok... we should then stop being friends..... stop calling me or coming over...ok i said... i am sorry you decided that... i will get lost i will change my number and i swear to you you will never hear from me again or see me around... the earth will eat me...
then after 4 hours she called me i didnt pick it up...she insisted and i picked up and ask me for forgiveness because she dont want to lose my friendship because i have always been there for here in good times and bad times even when she needed to cry.... i was the only one for her... and asked me to be friends but not to get lost...
In the bar she introduced him to me and they started to dance and kiss just behind me.. i was dancing with another girl that i just met there... that was so painful to me... then they invited me to join them in a table... and i said i will go later... but i didnt go... they came and said we are leaving we just wanted to say bye... she huged me a kissed me on both cheeks and they left...
I am desesperated.. i dont know what to do... i am in love with her... i have been going out to bars 4 consecutive days... iam exhausted and i am depressed wish i could die... to avoid this all pain...
Everybody said she loves me or have feelings for me...but i dont understand her behaviour....
Please help me before i do something stupid.
thank you
Thank you very much

Replies(3)

Beagle

Re: Please Help Me out

2 years ago

Viko: You are lost in the dreaded friend zone. You're her rock, her male shoulder to cry on, the one she goes to when she needs a male opinion, the one who boosts her self esteem, but you're not the one she wants to be romantic with. This is one of those relationships that every guy seems to find himself in at least once. Mine was in college and it was just like you were describing.

As for the flirting, girls to that all the time just to boost their own self-esteem. That's part of it. When we flirt, we want more. They do it just to show themselves they can. Don't read too much into that.

The girl I was talking about, I tried every way to get somewhere just like you're doing. Time went by, and we quit talking, and she happened to be a waitress at a place I took my date. At the end, she came up and shook my hand and pressed a slip of paper into my hand. Me being "Mr. Clueless" at the time, I opened it right in front of my date. Of course, you know it was her phone number.

We call this the "I don't want him but I can't stand to see him with anyone else" relationship.

Now here is where you have to man up. If you accept being relegated to the "friend zone," that's where she'll leave you. You, right now, need to move on. If she calls, tell her you have to go because you have plans. Let her know that you're not at her beck and call. That will make you more interesting and exciting.
One piece of advice I got when I was a teen was that a girl can't respect you if she feels she has you wrapped around her finger. You need to be a little contrary and difficult, just like you're doing right now. If she starts treating you like somebody, then you can reciprocate. Right now, you need to be aloof and send the message that you're not her servant boy.

I've done this several times, and it generally works. Throwing yourself at a girl never works.

Best wishes. If it's any comfort, we've all been through this. Just man up and she can't relegate you to the friend zone if you refuse to allow it.

trouper99

So what do you suggest?

2 years ago

So what do you mean? i really dont want to be in the friend zone... she got back with her boyfriend... she broke up with him in january and told me he was abusive, wanted to contol her and called her and text messaged her 20 times a day and drinks and gets crazy and is jelous... he has really treated her bad... i dont know why she got back to him? i have seen them together and kissing and really hurts me.... he didint allow her to dance with me yesterday when she wanted to dance with me.at the pub...he grabed her arm and pulled her back and started to kiss her... in porpose
i really love her... and want to be with her... i dont know if i should stay being "her male shoulder" she can cry on... or dissapear for a couple of days or weeks...get lost so she can miss me... without calling her seeing her or text messaging her.... i dont know what to do.
but what i do know is that i want so badly be with her because the things i feel when iam around her...and nobody has made me feel like her for a long time...
Please please help me and tell me what to do

Beagle

Re: Please Help Me out

2 years ago

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's what I'm going to say. In your life, you're going to encounter a million things you can have. You're going to find there's a million more that you can't have. That's life.

I have female friends that I have share activities and interests with; they're my female opinion and I'm their shoulder to cry on. I look at their cars when they have a problem and they give me advice on women. We have no intention of a romantic relationship with each other. That's being friends. Since you have expressed a romantic interest in her, the reality of the situation is that she is asking you to play second fiddle to this guy.

If you accept disrespect, you will receive disrespect. The only honorable and self-respecting thing to do is square your shoulders, turn on your heel and walk away. She'll either decide she wants you or she won't. I've done that then had them call me almost desperate. You have to stop sending her the message that you're willing to be treated as second class. Either way, you'll be out of the friend zone.