Response title
This is preview!
Okay, I'll try to keep this brief, this is my first time here, but I'll keep a thread to one issue at a time.
My g/f of over 2 years is the first real relationship I've ever had, she's the same person I lost my virginity with and obviously the only one I've ever had sex with. I am 23 and she is 26 and I love her very much and we have a 10 month old son. Before we met I used porn a lot to get myself off, it used to be as often as 4 or 5 times a day.
Now, we have sex on average I'd say 3 or 4 times a week, which is fine for me. I am very happy with my sex life with her. I enjoy having sex with her and look forward to it. I don't want to try and encourage her to have sex more often because I want it to be something special. She has been very understanding of my quirks and fetishes, and while we've not done everything I'd like to, she remains at least open to the idea of possibly trying them in the future. At first during our relationship she didn't seem to mind me looking at porn or having a "porn collection" but over time it's gotten to upset her more and more.
It once was so bad that she kept writing long letters venting her frustrations about my porn, she would get angry, at one point I almost deleted my entire porn collection (It's all computer porn) until she stopped me, because she felt bad.
I realize that me watching porn is hurting her. I don't feel I am addicted as now I only get off to porn about once every 2 or 3 days. I have a large collection, but it's more so because it's become a hobby, like collecting baseball cards, I enjoy collecting porn, yet she believes I collect that much because I need that much to get off.
I have been open with all my activities, I try not to go behind her back but the more she gets upset about it, the more I try and hide my activities from her, I don't want to though. I have tried explaining to her many times why I do it and that I do not do it because she isn't enough for me.
Her arguments each time are "If I was really enough for you and satisfied you in every possible way then you wouldn't need porn". I realize she is self conscious, and despite my best attempts at making her feel loved and wanted, she keeps comparing herself to the women I look at "in porn". I'm getting so frustrated trying to explain to her why I do it, and I can never seem to find a way to explain it. We never fight, or have big arguments, I am always calm and caring when I speak to her, but despite her agreeing with what I say, she bottles her feelings in until the next time I find what I call "an angry letter" with her venting her frustrations.
One technique I've seen and even heard recommended here is to compare "Romance novels" or such, but she doesn't seem to indulge in any type of fantasizing. She is really open to new sexual ideas, but has admitted as much that she doesn't really have sexual fantasies, and I have no common ground to draw a parallel for her because I'm the only person in the relationship indulging in a fantasy.
I realize how self conscious she is about her body, I won't sugar coat it, she is a little bigger, but that is my preference actually, I love her body, and I never look away in disgust or wish she had a different figure, I love her curves, and her soft skin, and when I have sex with her I never think of anyone else, it's always me and her, and nobody else. I always love having sex with her, and I don't expect her to please me every single time I get horny, which is quite often. I am fully capable of taking care of my own urges, but it seems that doing so just hurts her.
As for doing it in front of her, I admit I have a little shyness. I do not masturbate by any conventional method, so I feel kind of self-conscious because I know I would look silly doing it in front of someone else. She knows of how I do it, but it's hard for me to really get into it with someone watching me, so I have done my best to do it when she's asleep or in a different room. I don't attempt to hide the fact that I do it, I just don't do it in front of her. Plus just looking at porn in general seems to upset her, even if she doesn't say anything I can tell when she gets upset.
How can I help her realize that I don't look at porn because I don't want her, or help her understand that I don't masturbate to porn for the same reasons that I enjoy having sex with her?
Sorry for it being so long, but I suck at summarizing.
My g/f of over 2 years is the first real relationship I've ever had, she's the same person I lost my virginity with and obviously the only one I've ever had sex with. I am 23 and she is 26 and I love her very much and we have a 10 month old son. Before we met I used porn a lot to get myself off, it used to be as often as 4 or 5 times a day.
Now, we have sex on average I'd say 3 or 4 times a week, which is fine for me. I am very happy with my sex life with her. I enjoy having sex with her and look forward to it. I don't want to try and encourage her to have sex more often because I want it to be something special. She has been very understanding of my quirks and fetishes, and while we've not done everything I'd like to, she remains at least open to the idea of possibly trying them in the future. At first during our relationship she didn't seem to mind me looking at porn or having a "porn collection" but over time it's gotten to upset her more and more.
It once was so bad that she kept writing long letters venting her frustrations about my porn, she would get angry, at one point I almost deleted my entire porn collection (It's all computer porn) until she stopped me, because she felt bad.
I realize that me watching porn is hurting her. I don't feel I am addicted as now I only get off to porn about once every 2 or 3 days. I have a large collection, but it's more so because it's become a hobby, like collecting baseball cards, I enjoy collecting porn, yet she believes I collect that much because I need that much to get off.
I have been open with all my activities, I try not to go behind her back but the more she gets upset about it, the more I try and hide my activities from her, I don't want to though. I have tried explaining to her many times why I do it and that I do not do it because she isn't enough for me.
Her arguments each time are "If I was really enough for you and satisfied you in every possible way then you wouldn't need porn". I realize she is self conscious, and despite my best attempts at making her feel loved and wanted, she keeps comparing herself to the women I look at "in porn". I'm getting so frustrated trying to explain to her why I do it, and I can never seem to find a way to explain it. We never fight, or have big arguments, I am always calm and caring when I speak to her, but despite her agreeing with what I say, she bottles her feelings in until the next time I find what I call "an angry letter" with her venting her frustrations.
One technique I've seen and even heard recommended here is to compare "Romance novels" or such, but she doesn't seem to indulge in any type of fantasizing. She is really open to new sexual ideas, but has admitted as much that she doesn't really have sexual fantasies, and I have no common ground to draw a parallel for her because I'm the only person in the relationship indulging in a fantasy.
I realize how self conscious she is about her body, I won't sugar coat it, she is a little bigger, but that is my preference actually, I love her body, and I never look away in disgust or wish she had a different figure, I love her curves, and her soft skin, and when I have sex with her I never think of anyone else, it's always me and her, and nobody else. I always love having sex with her, and I don't expect her to please me every single time I get horny, which is quite often. I am fully capable of taking care of my own urges, but it seems that doing so just hurts her.
As for doing it in front of her, I admit I have a little shyness. I do not masturbate by any conventional method, so I feel kind of self-conscious because I know I would look silly doing it in front of someone else. She knows of how I do it, but it's hard for me to really get into it with someone watching me, so I have done my best to do it when she's asleep or in a different room. I don't attempt to hide the fact that I do it, I just don't do it in front of her. Plus just looking at porn in general seems to upset her, even if she doesn't say anything I can tell when she gets upset.
How can I help her realize that I don't look at porn because I don't want her, or help her understand that I don't masturbate to porn for the same reasons that I enjoy having sex with her?
Sorry for it being so long, but I suck at summarizing.
