psyhcilogical sex issue

in Sex and Intimacy » Sex Tips and Advice • 2 years ago

I am a 23 year old female. my issue is that i have a boyfreind ive been with for 2 years. he has always requested oral sex, i want to do this for him but every time im ready to i get a major mental block stress out and feel like im going to have a panic attack.... reason is i was molested by boys from the time i was 6 to 11 (forced to perform oral sex)when i figured out it was okay to fight back and that i was strong enough to physicaly fight back it stopped. i was still a virgin until i was 21 from fear of men, my best freind at work (guy) drugged and raped me right after my 21st birthday i couldnt do anything i was there could see everything but couldnt fight back he forced oral sex among other things.
and i keep trying to pshyc myself to perform for my BF , he isnt making me do this i want to but then i freak out again and cant... i feel like im not doing something he wants and deserves,partly because he has been patient and never forced me.( after we were together a year i told him i had been raped "not details" he along with no one else on this earth exept for the boys and now the readers know i was molested as a little girl.
now that you have history the question is should i tell him thats why i cant, or just make myself? i dont want it to sound like an excuse....

Replies(4)

married_i..

Re: psyhcilogical sex issue

2 years ago

Have you ever sought medical couneling. You may be suffering from post tramatic stress disorder. Even telling your boyfriend may not help you. I hope you pressed charges. Rape and sexual abuse can be very difficult on the victim, but I hope you can find the strength to follow through with charges. If your boyfirend cares about you he will stand with you. I would seek the help a professional prior to telling you boyfriend, They may give you Ideas on how to approach the situation with your boyfriend. Good Luck.

slittylic..

Re: psyhcilogical sex issue

2 years ago

I'm sorry that you had to go through that.
Have you ever had therapy?
I wouldn't do anything you don't feel comfortable doing. It's your choice to do whatever you want. You had no choice back then but you do now.
The only way out is through...work through it one day at a time with a therapist.

Beagle

Re: psyhcilogical sex issue

2 years ago

I agree. We won't be able to give you what you need on an internet forum. You need to find a therapist who specializes in treating trauma. What is happening is that the thought of oral sex is triggering old memories and the reactions that went with them. I agree with the earlier post about the possibility of posttraumatic stress disorder. Let me give you a link to an organization that trains trauma therapists. I actually did my training through this organization, and they are excellent. They have a list of qualified therapists.

EMDR Institute, Inc.

I don't have any financial connection with the institute, except that I received training through them.

femaleorg..

Do emotional freedom techniques

2 years ago

"EFT" is acupunture without the needles. It involves tapping pressure points and verbalising your psychological issues. This rebalances your energy system and the issue goes away. Watch this video:

Say these phrases, while tapping your pressure points:

Even though, I have a panic attack before I try doing oral sex on boyfriend ,I deeply and completely accept myself.

Even though, I feel traumatised about being molested as a child ,I deeply and completely accept myself.

Even though, I'm afraid of men because I think they're going to rape me,I deeply and completely accept myself.

Even though, I feel traumatised because my best friend at work drugged and raped me,I deeply and completely accept myself.

Think of your own phrases. Use specific incidents eg I feel X because Joe did Y to me.