Ask Dan & Jennifer

Well, I assume you are the one who wants to get over their jealousy issues. This can be tricky.. it really differs for each person based on their past experiences, and the past of their mate. If one knows their mate cheated in the past (with an ex or on them) it will be harder for them to accept that he/she will not cheat again. Open relationships can go either way. It can lead you into a great relationship where cheating isn't even a thought, or it can lead you to a major infidelity race. It all depends on how you go into it.
If your guy has never cheated, or seemed like he wanted to, then you're doing well to start. To swing successfully you both need to understand that each other are the only ones you want to go home with at night. Really in my opinion, there is only one way to get over jealousy.. and that's to just get over it! Does that make sense? Basically, just relax and don't let it be an issue. I believe when we create a negative energy in a situation it draws negativity to itself... i.e. if you act like he's going to cheat on you all the time, he just may go out and do it. (The mentality of "If I am going to do the time I might as well do the crime")

I caution you, if you are not both 100% that opening your relationship is acceptable, do not do it. You need to be able to talk about all issues with each other honestly and without fear of retribution of one of you says something the other does not like. You have to be secure in knowing that neither of you will push one another's boundaries without permission.

If you are willing to make it work, it can work beautifully.

Good luck

First off, Jealousy and swinging don't really mix. I would start off by pinpointing your jealous points. Like, what actions arouse this jealousy. And pinpoint why that particular thing makes you jealous.

I have been working on similar issues, but part of it is self esteem and the other is trust of your mate. I feel more confident when I know I am the main "squeeze". I have my own issues to work on with Swinging, but i'm starting to at least get some mental direction of how I need to deal with things.

I was chatting with my friend, who also swings. She had jealousy issues with her husband. Part of her issues are stemming from wanting children. Which I could totally see! The idea of our guys impregnating another woman would be awful and I know both she and I would be very distraught. So that is part of that jealousy. I am just borrowing her example.

Just like me, you need to talk to your guy in detail about what you guys want to do, try and where to set boundries. and work into the situtation slowly. Find your comfort zones. And make sure YOU are enjoying what you are doing, and make sure HE enjoys as well, but within BOTH of your limits.

I hope that helps.

Just recognized that jealousy in this case is an emotion of fear and control - actually the fear of losing control of yourself, or of your partner, of losing someone or something that you hold dear. Fear that you're not good enough, etc...

All jealousy is caused by an over-active and misused imagination. Your mind creates and dwells on all these worst case scenarios of what your partner is thinking or doing. And for some reason, as miserable as it makes us feel, we just can't stop... it can be almost compulsive - it can feel impossible to keep the jealous thoughts from your mind.

The irony is that these things that we fear the most cause us to act in ways that can actually make them come true. All of our thoughts and actions are centered around our fears and insecurities.

Remember, what you focus on grows...

Overcoming jealousy requires patience, open communication, and a good understanding of the triggers - where the jealousy comes from. It's almost always something in the past. Childhood experiences, indiscretions of a previous partner, maybe your current partner is just really comfortable with the opposite sex..

So how are you ever supposed to get over these intense feelings of jealousy that seem to take over your life at times?

First, love and accept yourself for who you are right now, today - no one can take that away from you. (Most jealousy is based in insecurity and self doubt) Do anything you can in this moment, today, to feel better about yourself.

Then really be honest with yourself - write down everything that triggers your jealousy. Look at each thing on your list - is it really important? If it's a person, ask yourself what makes you jealous of that person? Is it something that you do or don't like about yourself? Is it the way your partner seems to enjoy his or her company? Does that make you feel like your partner loves you less? Really dig down to the heart of the matter, but make sure that you're being objective - don't let those over reactive emotions cloud your list. :-)

And then talk to your partner about the things you've identified that you feel are truly important to you. Come up with some ways to identify when your jealousy is being triggered. Then, when it happens, you can take a breath, really feel the emotion, and try to accept that feeling for what it is - a chemical release in your brain. And then you can choose whether or not you want to react to the situation - from a place of neutral energy - not the over charged feeling of jealousy...

If there are some really big triggers, then maybe the two of you together can work to avoid those scenarios until you're a little more comfortable.

But don't get carried away and expect your partner to walk on egg shells to avoid your feelings of jealousy. They are your feelings - own them. I know it's tempting to try to control your partner and say "Why do you do that when you know it triggers my jealousy?" - but when you do that, you're actually giving away your power and putting your happiness in the hands of another.

Your partner can help you, but it is in the hands of the person feeling jealous to heal themselves. No one can do it for you.

if you have any jealosy issues this is not the place to work them out,that would be like saying i am afraid of spiders so lets move to south america.you swing because you both want to,and you both want to equally.it takes tone of communication and planning and both partners have to agree that this is about choice so if you or your partner arent comfortable with a prospective bed mate (s)then its a no go,period.its natural to feel a tinge of concern of for example your husbands playmate is a drop dead georgeous perfect bodied woman .but if your husband is truly your partner in all things he would be open to discussing the issue.but the raw emotion of jealosy is a hard demon to tame,in fact it may be impossible.if you dont believe your mate is your best friend,if you dont look at their sexuality as something uniquely theirs and happily allow them to enjoy that pleasure without any feelings of jealosy then this is NOT something you should even test.if you are not 100 percent on board for this then do not attempt it,any marriage contract sho be equally acceptible to both parties or it will never work