Response title
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I am writing about an experience I had, not because I think I have any great insight, but in the hopes it might help someone else.
A little background is necessary. I grew up on a farm. My teen years weren’t very happy because I didn’t have very good social skills; through Junior and Senior High. I got bullied a lot because of my lack of social skills and lack of confidence. Toward the end, I became fanatical about lifting weights and studying martial arts, so I was able to end the bullying. I had developed a crush on a girl who was one year older than me. She had a boyfriend. The first time I saw her, they were sitting on the bleachers in the gym and he had his arm around her. I was impressed by how unhappy she looked. I admired her from afar, but they dated until they left school.
After she graduated, a friend needed to run by her house and she and I got to talking. We ended up giving her a ride for some reason, but I don’t even remember why. I finally worked up my courage to ask her out. To my shock, she accepted. We began dating, but it faded out after a while. I made every mistake a kid can make with a girl, mainly acting overly eager and basically throwing myself at her. In college, I began to “get over” myself and I began developing a little confidence. I found some of the predecesors to the books I’ve been recommending to young people, and I began having some success with girls. I slimmed down, began playing tennis and running, so I was more confident in my appearance. Success built on success and I learned to play it a little cooler, and not act so interested.
Over summer break, I was sitting at my job at a service station. I was a petroleum transfer engineer. (I transferred it from the pumps to the cars.) Nothing was happening. So it suddenly hit me to call her. I did so and asked her if she would like to get together. I think I was thinking of the line from the old England Dan song, I’d really love to see you tonight.” By this time, my confidence and skills had grown, and I played it a little cooler. We began dating regularly. She would try to give me the brush off, but I was persistent and worked through it. Finally, she developed an attraction to me. The happiest day of my life came when she put her arms around me from the back and said “You’ll never know how much I love you.” We even began to talk of marriage.
Now this girl has always been hard to read. Very unpredictable. We dated for a couple of years. We attended separate colleges, so we didn’t get to see each other very often. About the time I would think the relationship was going where I wanted it to, something would screw up and she would either not see me for a time. I finally got tired of it. She was very ambitious, and I didn’t share her ambitions of status and material success. Actually, the end came after a dream in which a young man walked up and told me “You and ____ are through.” I just stopped calling, and she was too proud to call me.
Even though I tried to be tough, I was heartbroken. I married still grieving my first love. I never even thought of cheating on her. She and I never got past first base. Interestingly, that didn’t matter to me, I was so in love with her. I married, still grieving ____, and that marriage didn’t last long. It was a rebound relationship. Over the years, there were girlfriends, including one I lived with for 11 years. That one ended and needed to. Over the years, I continued to think about ______. Last year, I even had a dream about her, where she was warm to me. I’ve had a fair amount of professional success, even spending several years in the executive world, and I’ve developed into something of a public speaker at times. My confidence grew considerably.
Now, my romantic life hasn’t been very good over the past few years. One serious girlfriend, but that ended because she was wanting an instant father for her kids.
I have looked for ___ casually over the few years I have been single again. That one didn’t even hurt.
I’ve casually looked for her over the past few years, just mainly out of curiosity. Mainly on FaceBook and through Intellus. The other day, on impulse, I typed her name into FaceBook and got a couple of matches. Her name has an unusual spelling, so that narrowed the field. One didn’t have a lot of details, so I sent a quick message asking if she was the person of her name who had lived on a particular drive. I immediately received a friend request and it was her. We began chatting. She happened to be coming down to visit her parents for the Fourth of July weekend, who still live in the original home town. She wanted to get together and we went cycling Friday Morning.
When I saw her, it was like that 20 years had never passed. Interestingly, I suddenly became as insecure as that 19-year-old who first asked her out. We talked like we had never been apart. We talked the entire 28 miles of our route. At the end, we talked for a few minutes. She told me that she had been a “crabby a__h____” when we were dating before. I decided to play it cool, and told her I had to leave to go to the office. Then we talked by phone several times that weekend, her initiating most of the calls.
I have always been dreadfully insecure around this one girl, now a woman. The truth is, over all the years, I’ve never felt this way about anyone else. Now, she’s a high-powered executive with an international corporation, and a competitive bodybuilder. She continues to email me, but it’s never about us, just about interests and things. I suspect she’s finding excuses to call me, like bicycle recommendations and things of that nature.
We dated for years, and never went past first base and cuddling. If I knew that was all there would ever be, I wouldn’t care. I’ve dated casually over the past couple of years. Truthfully, there’s no one I see around me that I am really willing to put the effort into pursuing. Interestingly, _____ hasn’t married. I had expected her to be the wife of the CEO if IBM by now.
Now, God as my witness, I do not have the faintest idea what I should do. She lives hundreds of miles away, so casual dating isn’t an option. I suspect she’s way out of my league in a lot of ways. But the thing is, I’m thinking of her constantly. Part of me says “play it cool; Don’t act too interested and scare her off.” Part of me is saying “It’s time to stop the games and just be honest.” At this point, I have absolutely no idea what I’ll do. I think part of the lingering feeling is that it is a reminder of how what I had with her has been lacking in my life, and how that may never happen again.
I’m a decisive man, and I generally know exactly what I want. I also tend to be a very rational thinker. When I talk to her, or even think about her, I am still that insecure 19-year-old. I literally get butterflies whenever I think of her. I’m not even afraid of getting hurt. It’s an insecurity that I can’t define and haven’t felt in over 20 years. This is one time when my emotions are stronger than my logic.
I thought seeing my first love would be great, and it was, and is. For a time, I had lost the memories of the time we shared. Now, I feel like I have those back. There's a happiness there, but a sadness also.
A little background is necessary. I grew up on a farm. My teen years weren’t very happy because I didn’t have very good social skills; through Junior and Senior High. I got bullied a lot because of my lack of social skills and lack of confidence. Toward the end, I became fanatical about lifting weights and studying martial arts, so I was able to end the bullying. I had developed a crush on a girl who was one year older than me. She had a boyfriend. The first time I saw her, they were sitting on the bleachers in the gym and he had his arm around her. I was impressed by how unhappy she looked. I admired her from afar, but they dated until they left school.
After she graduated, a friend needed to run by her house and she and I got to talking. We ended up giving her a ride for some reason, but I don’t even remember why. I finally worked up my courage to ask her out. To my shock, she accepted. We began dating, but it faded out after a while. I made every mistake a kid can make with a girl, mainly acting overly eager and basically throwing myself at her. In college, I began to “get over” myself and I began developing a little confidence. I found some of the predecesors to the books I’ve been recommending to young people, and I began having some success with girls. I slimmed down, began playing tennis and running, so I was more confident in my appearance. Success built on success and I learned to play it a little cooler, and not act so interested.
Over summer break, I was sitting at my job at a service station. I was a petroleum transfer engineer. (I transferred it from the pumps to the cars.) Nothing was happening. So it suddenly hit me to call her. I did so and asked her if she would like to get together. I think I was thinking of the line from the old England Dan song, I’d really love to see you tonight.” By this time, my confidence and skills had grown, and I played it a little cooler. We began dating regularly. She would try to give me the brush off, but I was persistent and worked through it. Finally, she developed an attraction to me. The happiest day of my life came when she put her arms around me from the back and said “You’ll never know how much I love you.” We even began to talk of marriage.
Now this girl has always been hard to read. Very unpredictable. We dated for a couple of years. We attended separate colleges, so we didn’t get to see each other very often. About the time I would think the relationship was going where I wanted it to, something would screw up and she would either not see me for a time. I finally got tired of it. She was very ambitious, and I didn’t share her ambitions of status and material success. Actually, the end came after a dream in which a young man walked up and told me “You and ____ are through.” I just stopped calling, and she was too proud to call me.
Even though I tried to be tough, I was heartbroken. I married still grieving my first love. I never even thought of cheating on her. She and I never got past first base. Interestingly, that didn’t matter to me, I was so in love with her. I married, still grieving ____, and that marriage didn’t last long. It was a rebound relationship. Over the years, there were girlfriends, including one I lived with for 11 years. That one ended and needed to. Over the years, I continued to think about ______. Last year, I even had a dream about her, where she was warm to me. I’ve had a fair amount of professional success, even spending several years in the executive world, and I’ve developed into something of a public speaker at times. My confidence grew considerably.
Now, my romantic life hasn’t been very good over the past few years. One serious girlfriend, but that ended because she was wanting an instant father for her kids.
I have looked for ___ casually over the few years I have been single again. That one didn’t even hurt.
I’ve casually looked for her over the past few years, just mainly out of curiosity. Mainly on FaceBook and through Intellus. The other day, on impulse, I typed her name into FaceBook and got a couple of matches. Her name has an unusual spelling, so that narrowed the field. One didn’t have a lot of details, so I sent a quick message asking if she was the person of her name who had lived on a particular drive. I immediately received a friend request and it was her. We began chatting. She happened to be coming down to visit her parents for the Fourth of July weekend, who still live in the original home town. She wanted to get together and we went cycling Friday Morning.
When I saw her, it was like that 20 years had never passed. Interestingly, I suddenly became as insecure as that 19-year-old who first asked her out. We talked like we had never been apart. We talked the entire 28 miles of our route. At the end, we talked for a few minutes. She told me that she had been a “crabby a__h____” when we were dating before. I decided to play it cool, and told her I had to leave to go to the office. Then we talked by phone several times that weekend, her initiating most of the calls.
I have always been dreadfully insecure around this one girl, now a woman. The truth is, over all the years, I’ve never felt this way about anyone else. Now, she’s a high-powered executive with an international corporation, and a competitive bodybuilder. She continues to email me, but it’s never about us, just about interests and things. I suspect she’s finding excuses to call me, like bicycle recommendations and things of that nature.
We dated for years, and never went past first base and cuddling. If I knew that was all there would ever be, I wouldn’t care. I’ve dated casually over the past couple of years. Truthfully, there’s no one I see around me that I am really willing to put the effort into pursuing. Interestingly, _____ hasn’t married. I had expected her to be the wife of the CEO if IBM by now.
Now, God as my witness, I do not have the faintest idea what I should do. She lives hundreds of miles away, so casual dating isn’t an option. I suspect she’s way out of my league in a lot of ways. But the thing is, I’m thinking of her constantly. Part of me says “play it cool; Don’t act too interested and scare her off.” Part of me is saying “It’s time to stop the games and just be honest.” At this point, I have absolutely no idea what I’ll do. I think part of the lingering feeling is that it is a reminder of how what I had with her has been lacking in my life, and how that may never happen again.
I’m a decisive man, and I generally know exactly what I want. I also tend to be a very rational thinker. When I talk to her, or even think about her, I am still that insecure 19-year-old. I literally get butterflies whenever I think of her. I’m not even afraid of getting hurt. It’s an insecurity that I can’t define and haven’t felt in over 20 years. This is one time when my emotions are stronger than my logic.
I thought seeing my first love would be great, and it was, and is. For a time, I had lost the memories of the time we shared. Now, I feel like I have those back. There's a happiness there, but a sadness also.
