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QUESTION : Hi Dan and Jennifer, I met a guy in march 2008 at a place where i was gone to represent a non profit organization and so was another guy (there were over a couple hundred people there representing different branches of this organization). We all (everyone there) became good friends and had a great time(we lived there for 5 days and we all became like a family). I met him there and we became friends. Now we chat online. many many months ago he told me (online) that he loves me. I don't know if it's okay to trust him. plz help.
PS: I'm turning 18 this month incase u need to know.
DETAILS:
He is one year older than me. At that place when we became friends, I can say that he was quite, nice, polite, very friendly and respectful to not just me but everyone. Actually everyone else was very nice too.
Many guys ask me out and I always say no. I am not into dating, sex, love, marriages and all those things. infact i had decided that i'm not even gonna get married cuz it would be a big waste of my time. Because I always notice that in marriages, usually in every culture/religion/etc, always girls (even if husbands are nice, and very helpful of their wives) end up being mostly reponsible for taking care of the family and doing house chores, even if they go to work too. and seriously, i absolutely hate house chores, and no matter how gud my life is after marriage, i'd feel like a slave if house chores is my responsibiliy even if my husband always helps with it. y should i do all that for anyone. and i think i'd rather go out and make a positive difference in the world, help others in need, fight against things like sexism, racism, and any other kind of inequallity, rather than get married and have my own family and live my own happy life while there are people out there who could need all the help they can get.
But this guy said that we will divide every house chores 50-50% . he said he is okay with me going out and trying to fight against what i want to and said he would support me. I am not allowed to marry anyone who is not of my religion and he said it doesnt really matter to him and so he will change his religion for me and always follow the rules (just to be clear, i am religious, but after he changes his religion, i'm not gonna criticize him for not doing things that he is supposed to or doing things he is not supposed to. i am an open minded person and i also think its b/w God and him whether or not he follows the rules.). i have a strict religion and when i showed him many rules, he said he likes it. he also said that my religion is great accept if u r a woman than it sucks. LOL! that is a different topic and i dont think it sucks for women at all, but i am so impressed that he just said that to me and was so honest about it. he said he would quit drinking for me. i think he has already, but im not too sure. this is b/c once he told me that he did, but a few days later he told me that he still drinks, but now he told me he's not into alcoholic drinks anymore.i feel comfortable talking to him and even though we dont see each other, i think he's a close friend of mine. we have talked about sex (what we think about it), porn, STD's/other diseases in our families, money, politics, children, family, sports, hobbies, habbits, interests etc. BTW i dont like kids and he also said that he is alright with it.
This guy always respects my opinions and ideas, i think he's very honest about everything, he never ever ever pressured me to do or say anything that i didnt want to. i said give me time to think, like 7 - 10 years and he said, sure. I am just so shocked and can't believe that he's even a real person.i love that he doesnt have a dirty mind (watching porn and stuff, making sexual jokes, etc), he's not so crazy about sex, he's never had a gf or had sex. he said he has dated his "just friends" and kissed them on the cheek only. he told me he goes over to his friends' house who r girls to watch movies and he does cuddle with them. a friend (who is an online friend. we became friends on a facebook group chat that another school friend of mine created. and i met her through that another school friend.)whose been maried for many years and have many kids made me realize that if a guy is willing to do so much for someone he loves, its not fair that he still doesnt get to be with the girl he likes. When i asked this guy, would u ever cheat on ur wife, he honestly told me that it really depends on who his wife is but he would not cheat on me. he said he would not go for another woman unless i die and tell him to move on. this answer really shocked me. but i dont know y.
if any guy likes me or asks me out, i without even thinking about it say NO. but this guy when he said he likes me, i never thought of him that way but i never freaked out like with all other guys. i have also chatted with some guys online who r total wierdos and are prettymuch perverts.. possibly lyers. With this guy, i did not react in any negative way when he told me he likes me, and that is wat tells me that this guy is really different and not a lying jerk (i hope). WHAT IMPRESSES ME MOST ABOUT HIM IS THAT HE NEVER TRIED TO IMPRESS ME :D . i told him i love him. but i'm scared to fall in love cuz it's still mostly online. btw, i dont read romantic novels and stuff and dont fill my mind with imaginations that would raise my expectations about a person's personality that might not even be true. if i fantasize, i'd probably let myself know that what i'm thinking is not necessarily true and very different than real life.
i have had friends in school who just wanted to be my friends to take advantage of me. use me to hide their qualities that they found negative. use me to get gud marks. use me for time pass till they would find their friends... etc. and use me till they needed me then just ditch me. what if this guy turns out to be like him. i told him that meeting him for few days and stuff then chatting online is like meeting him online. its hard for me to trust. he said he understands.
PLEASE TELL ME IF THIS GUY FEELS TRUST WORTHY TO YOU GUYS. I THOUGHT A LOT AND I HAVE BEEN REALLY SCARED TO FALL IN LOVE NOT KNOWING HOW IT WILL END. I FINALLY DECIDED TO SAY YES TO HIM. NOW I LOVE HIM A LOT BUT I FEAR BETRAYAL. AM I DOING THE RIGHT THING?
:( :confused: :(
PS: I'm turning 18 this month incase u need to know.
DETAILS:
He is one year older than me. At that place when we became friends, I can say that he was quite, nice, polite, very friendly and respectful to not just me but everyone. Actually everyone else was very nice too.
Many guys ask me out and I always say no. I am not into dating, sex, love, marriages and all those things. infact i had decided that i'm not even gonna get married cuz it would be a big waste of my time. Because I always notice that in marriages, usually in every culture/religion/etc, always girls (even if husbands are nice, and very helpful of their wives) end up being mostly reponsible for taking care of the family and doing house chores, even if they go to work too. and seriously, i absolutely hate house chores, and no matter how gud my life is after marriage, i'd feel like a slave if house chores is my responsibiliy even if my husband always helps with it. y should i do all that for anyone. and i think i'd rather go out and make a positive difference in the world, help others in need, fight against things like sexism, racism, and any other kind of inequallity, rather than get married and have my own family and live my own happy life while there are people out there who could need all the help they can get.
But this guy said that we will divide every house chores 50-50% . he said he is okay with me going out and trying to fight against what i want to and said he would support me. I am not allowed to marry anyone who is not of my religion and he said it doesnt really matter to him and so he will change his religion for me and always follow the rules (just to be clear, i am religious, but after he changes his religion, i'm not gonna criticize him for not doing things that he is supposed to or doing things he is not supposed to. i am an open minded person and i also think its b/w God and him whether or not he follows the rules.). i have a strict religion and when i showed him many rules, he said he likes it. he also said that my religion is great accept if u r a woman than it sucks. LOL! that is a different topic and i dont think it sucks for women at all, but i am so impressed that he just said that to me and was so honest about it. he said he would quit drinking for me. i think he has already, but im not too sure. this is b/c once he told me that he did, but a few days later he told me that he still drinks, but now he told me he's not into alcoholic drinks anymore.i feel comfortable talking to him and even though we dont see each other, i think he's a close friend of mine. we have talked about sex (what we think about it), porn, STD's/other diseases in our families, money, politics, children, family, sports, hobbies, habbits, interests etc. BTW i dont like kids and he also said that he is alright with it.
This guy always respects my opinions and ideas, i think he's very honest about everything, he never ever ever pressured me to do or say anything that i didnt want to. i said give me time to think, like 7 - 10 years and he said, sure. I am just so shocked and can't believe that he's even a real person.i love that he doesnt have a dirty mind (watching porn and stuff, making sexual jokes, etc), he's not so crazy about sex, he's never had a gf or had sex. he said he has dated his "just friends" and kissed them on the cheek only. he told me he goes over to his friends' house who r girls to watch movies and he does cuddle with them. a friend (who is an online friend. we became friends on a facebook group chat that another school friend of mine created. and i met her through that another school friend.)whose been maried for many years and have many kids made me realize that if a guy is willing to do so much for someone he loves, its not fair that he still doesnt get to be with the girl he likes. When i asked this guy, would u ever cheat on ur wife, he honestly told me that it really depends on who his wife is but he would not cheat on me. he said he would not go for another woman unless i die and tell him to move on. this answer really shocked me. but i dont know y.
if any guy likes me or asks me out, i without even thinking about it say NO. but this guy when he said he likes me, i never thought of him that way but i never freaked out like with all other guys. i have also chatted with some guys online who r total wierdos and are prettymuch perverts.. possibly lyers. With this guy, i did not react in any negative way when he told me he likes me, and that is wat tells me that this guy is really different and not a lying jerk (i hope). WHAT IMPRESSES ME MOST ABOUT HIM IS THAT HE NEVER TRIED TO IMPRESS ME :D . i told him i love him. but i'm scared to fall in love cuz it's still mostly online. btw, i dont read romantic novels and stuff and dont fill my mind with imaginations that would raise my expectations about a person's personality that might not even be true. if i fantasize, i'd probably let myself know that what i'm thinking is not necessarily true and very different than real life.
i have had friends in school who just wanted to be my friends to take advantage of me. use me to hide their qualities that they found negative. use me to get gud marks. use me for time pass till they would find their friends... etc. and use me till they needed me then just ditch me. what if this guy turns out to be like him. i told him that meeting him for few days and stuff then chatting online is like meeting him online. its hard for me to trust. he said he understands.
PLEASE TELL ME IF THIS GUY FEELS TRUST WORTHY TO YOU GUYS. I THOUGHT A LOT AND I HAVE BEEN REALLY SCARED TO FALL IN LOVE NOT KNOWING HOW IT WILL END. I FINALLY DECIDED TO SAY YES TO HIM. NOW I LOVE HIM A LOT BUT I FEAR BETRAYAL. AM I DOING THE RIGHT THING?
:( :confused: :(
