Ask Dan & Jennifer

First off, Dan&Jen have some great advice on the subject:

Curious Couple? How to Ease Into Swinging

Well setting the rules is easy or difficult depending on how well you two communicate. If you have reservation I really think you should sit down and talk about it in depth in a non-confrontational and open manor. How long have you known this GF? Is she an experienced swinger?
You seem "ok" with a bit of soft swing but are not ready for full swinging. Nothing wrong with that. There are all sorts of weird issues starting out. You need to come to terms with all sorts of things from insecurities to jealousy. That takes time and a lot of open dialog.
When you set your rules keep in mind that they are flexible. Just because you are not ready for something now doesn't mean you won't be in the future.
But if you go into something like swinging with some reservations or jealousy, it will more then likely cause problems in your relationship. It's just something you do for fun BUT could cause a lot of issues. Always keep that in mind, its just for fun, its not something you build a relationship on. You need a solid, stable, loving, open, trusting relationship BEFORE you swing.

The MOST important thing is COMMUNICATION. If you are uncomfortable with something you better speak up. If you have trouble expressing yourself or talking about concerns or issues, swinging is definitly going to cause some strife for you.

Also, and you may not want to hear this, swinging isn't for everyone. There is a ton of social stigmas attached to it that you may not be ready for or be able to deal with. Your average vanilla reacts to the subject of swinging like one would if you dropped a poisonous snake in their lap.

As far as her "convenient" comment, no idea...ask her. (That you are asking here is cause for concern)

It takes 2 to tango, as they say....If you are not ready abt it, you hv to talk it out wif your GF.

Simple! 1st you must communicate with your girl getting all concerns, reservations, and desires out in the open. 2nd come up with rules you both agree upon, and 3rd communicate those rules to the other couple.
I enjoy watching my girl with other guys - If you don't - don't agree to it!

Emit: I'm not a member of the swing lifestyle, but I have watched it through other people's experiences. Perhaps that gives me something of a more objective view, because I'm not emotionally attached to the subject. People that I know who are successful in the swinging lifestyle are very sure of what they want. The horror stories that I see generally result from people rushing into it and not being clear on their boundaries.

I agree with Tankman's point of view. It sounds like you're not comfortable with going further than the girls playing. I think that's fine. The analogy I would draw here is the time I spent learning whitewater canoeing. There's nothing wrong with saying "I'm ready for this situation, but not that situation." I know three couples whose marriage ended over negative swinging experiences, and I think they basically didn't do what Tankman is suggesting. Just because you're not ready for something now doesn't mean you won't be in the future. If something just doesn't feel right to you, there's probably a reason that it doesn't feel right. I would advise you to trust your intuition and stay out of situations you're not comfortable with.

FYI, I'm a recovering traditionalist, and I only recently had my first sexual experience outside a committed relationship, acting largely on advice I got on this forum. I wouldn't have been ready for that five years ago, but I was at the time I it actually happened. I had someone who was experienced with recreational sexual activity and she was really clear on the boundaries and expectations. Therefore, no one got hurt and seeing each other in other situations isn't weird. A few years ago, I simply wouldn't have been ready for that experience and trying it would probably have ended in disaster. I was recently invited to "swing" with a coworker and another couple, but I decided I wasn't ready for that. Only you know what you're comfortable with.

That said, sometimes we have to move outside our comfort zone to grow. Sometimes it's hard to tell if it's our intuition holding us back, or our upbringing, or other people's opinions, or what. It could be a great insight into yourself to try to understand what about your girlfriend "playing" with other guys makes you uncomfortable. Are you afraid of being compared, afraid of losing her to him, or is it just not your thing. There's nothing wrong with "It's just not for me." When I try new whitewater experiences, it's always scary the first time. That's part of the thrill. Sometimes I have to say, "I'm just not ready."

I hope this helps. If you people who are more experienced think I'm crazy, please let me know. Please let us know how things progress for you.