Shotgun wedding-help! She's pregnant! How can we get our parents to back off from pushing marriage?

in Love and Relationships » Relationship Advice • 3 years ago

I recently got my girlfriend pregnant. i thought we were using all the precautions but, after she recieved the results of her pregnancy test, she confessed to me: she didn't take the pill, and she broke my condom.
I knew i should've been angry, but i wasn't. i couldn't be angry at her.
I'm not saying i don't want to be a father, or that i don't want to have a baby with her, but i don't think we're ready.
Now our parents found out and, although we are both adults etc and don't have to listen to them, we can't easily ignore our own parents. they want us to get married.

I'm not going to break up with my girlfriend, i love her too much and I don't want her baby to be fatherless.
We're both strongly opposed to abortion, and she isn't willing (and come to think of it, neither am I) to put the baby up for adoption.

It's not that we don't want to be married, but considering we've only been dating for a few months...

Any advice is more than welcome: is there any way to stop our parents?

Replies(14)

jloveland

Re: Shotgun wedding-help! She's pregnant! How can we get our parents to back off from pushing marriage?

3 years ago

No one can make you get married. Ive been with my man for 3 years now. I got pregnant in the first 2 weeks of knowing him. We never got married and we are doing well. Just give the excuse I give when people ask why you aren't married...we are waiting so that our child can be at our wedding and remember it. I plan on proposing to my man this feb on his bday but only because i want to and i think its time....no one, not even parents can make you do something that is LEGALLY binding. You can propose and say you want to be married in the future...if you want to get them off your back but I personally wouldnt marry just because you got her pregnant. Just get her a ring to not only make her happy but to make the families happy and just let your girl make the decision as to when she wants to marry then you tell her when you want to and then make the compromise from there...lots you can do, just take it slow.

rob_danje..

Re: Shotgun wedding-help! She's pregnant! How can we get our parents to back off from pushing marriage?

3 years ago

I know they can't force me, but they're my parents. I don't want to disappoint them.

I've got the ring, but it's only delaying my parents: they want to be at the marriage, and saying that we want the child to remember it just makes them angry.

I talked to my girlfriend. We're having the baby, we both agree, but neither of us want to be married before, at least, June next year.
Our parents won't wait that long!

eddy_danj..

Re: Shotgun wedding-help! She's pregnant! How can we get our parents to back off from pushing marriage?

3 years ago

Hey Rob,
If you ask me you should consider about your girlfriend first. Do you love her to spend your rest of your life with? And there is an another thing: She wants the baby... and i think she might be wanting to marry you. You really should talk about these with her and ask her if she wants a marriage. You said it yourself you don't want the baby to be fatherless and even if you regret it, It is YOUR baby. I think you have some responsiblities towards these if you care her much...

jloveland

Re: Shotgun wedding-help! She's pregnant! How can we get our parents to back off from pushing marriage?

3 years ago

I think you need to grow out of being such a mamas boy then and just live your lives...NO parent likes every choice a child makes but thats life. You have one life to live..do you want your parents ruining that because of what they think and want you to do?

I have disappointed my parents SOOOOO many times but you know what...they get over it, accept it, and move on. I know Im being harsh but tough love hurts and I think this is what you need to hear.

rob_danje..

Re: Shotgun wedding-help! She's pregnant! How can we get our parents to back off from pushing marriage?

3 years ago

I see what you mean, thanks.
And it's not just my parents i listen to-read my biography, everything i do is for someone else. I'm not saying this just to be egotistical-it's true. I've had psychologists opinions; I feel guilt strongly. I hate to disapppoint anyone.
And to eddy; I do want to have the baby now. We both do-but neither of us are ready to be married.
I do love her enough to spend my life with her, and she feels the same, but there's more than that to marriage.

danandjen..

Is marriage truly right for YOU and your girlfriend?

3 years ago

Girlfriend is pregnant! How can I get my parents to back off from pushing marriage?

rob_danje..

Re: Shotgun wedding-help! She's pregnant! How can we get our parents to back off from pushing marriage?

3 years ago

Thanks.
It isn't the right thing for us (yet) but this event's seemed to have drawn us closer together-we both had to talk to our parents together. Thanks.

femaleorg..

Ask them what their underlying interests are

3 years ago

Ask them WHY they want you to get married. Call that "X".

Then think of another way to achieve X without getting married.

If that doesn't work, you will have to issue an ultimatum or put up with the nagging.

Beagle

Listen to Dan

3 years ago

Listen to Dan. I was exactly where you are. We had the baby; although we never married. We're working together to raise our son, who's a teenager now.

Adding a marriage license isn't going to solve other problems that exist.

When the baby is born, you need to do an Affidavit of Paternity. That way, you will be his legal father and there's not issue of "illegitimacy."

If this relationship has potential; it'll be good a year from now. I know the pressure is on to marry; it was for me. You aren't improving the situation by adding a marriage license. If your differences aren't reconcilable, you're not adding any benefit by having to hire lawyers to go through a divorce. I realized I couldn't fix one mistake by making another. The fact that you posted this tells me that you dont' think marriage is a good idea. Listen to Dan!

sexisgood..

I agree about waiting

3 years ago

In fact I would advice everyone not to get married anymore. The lawyers will lose billions. I married a slut and she sole money from me and she wouldn't allow me to claim a dependent. If it weren't for marrying this slut I wouldn't have made the bad decisions I made. Because this whore had two children of her own. I ahd to provide a place for them to sleep. Then her ex-husband came looking for a fight and he got his ass kicked. His daughter lied for him in court. This was because I married a coke whore. Marriuage is the answer if you marry a decent girl into a decent family. This is what marriage is for. But marrying a coke whore is a slap in the face to the insitution of marriage.

rob_danje..

The rest of the story

3 years ago

Issue one: breaking condom etc
She wanted a child, I wanted to wait a while. She took the initiative (not for the first time) and.... I don't blame her-I can be a bit too play-it-safe-never-change-status-quo. No, after i really thought about the situation. I'm ecstatic. I'm going to be a father.
Issue two: parents
We stood up to them and, after quite a few threats on their side, none of which could really affect us (I never noticed it before, but the only power they had over me was my emotions) they gave in.
Issue three: marriage
Not yet. A year or so, maybe. There's no rush.

Oh, and while i was researching a reason to stop my parents telling me to get married, i stumbled along this:
'Marriage is bad. It's a leading cause of divorce'
Just thought I'd share.

danandjen..

Congrats Rob

3 years ago

Rob, congrats to you on your little one that will be joining you soon - and for standing up for what you feel is right. Awesome.

Cute quote, love it.

-- Dan

rob_danje..

Re: Shotgun wedding-help! She's pregnant! How can we get our parents to back off from pushing marriage?

2 years ago

Been a bit busy lately (naturally) and just thought I'd announce, as of three months ago, I have a daughter.
I'm happy about it (who wouldn't be?) and our parents are happy about being grandparents (despite feeling old) enough to stop bothering us. Suffice to say, it worked out pretty well.

Just thought I'd share a funny story, that happened a while ago; after she told me she was pregnant, we planned a joke on our parents. They'd just built an arbor, so we decided to take some photos. First of all, I started, saying: "everybody say cheese"
Then my girlfriend took a photo, with the phrase: "I'm going to have a baby"
We've still got the photo of their expressions! :D

danandjen..

Nice!

2 years ago

Love it!!! -- Dan

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