Should I tell him I'm not a virgin anymore?

in Singles and Dating » Dating Tips and Advice • 3 years ago

Hi Dan & Jennifer

I'm a girl and I'm kinda dating this guy. We're not boyfriend and girlfriend yet. We're looking if this evolves into something longlasting. So we've known each other for about 4 months (met through online dating) first we were kinda friends about 2 months and talked only on messenger. Then we saw each other and have seen about 5 times. (By the way we live in different cities about an hour away from each other.) He stayed over for one night but we haven't had sex. We were both virgins when we started seeing each other.

But then I wasn't sure he was that into me cause he's always busy and I asked him about it and the answer wasn't well... very informative. So I kinda told him I would see what else is out there cause I don't know what he wants but said it's different if he does know, and he didn't answer anything. And I had a one night stand cause I was so confused about him and I was drunk. I really thought he didn't want to be with me. I don't regret it as a first time. But I do in the sence that we're back "together".

I let him know that I wanted to be with him and that I was drunk and it was stupid what I had said.

He also said that we shouldn't continue cause he has no time and then he took it back the next day. This was after I had had the one night stand.

So my question to you is: Should I tell him I'm not a virgin anymore since he propably still is and he thinks I am?

Replies(1)

danandjen..

Re: Should I tell him I'm not a virgin anymore?

3 years ago

Hi Anniina,

I'm not seeing the point of you telling him any such thing. It's not like you have to walk around with a fact sheet around your neck, listing basic metrics like shoe size and number of times you've had sex.

Where it gets a little dicey is if you two were "together" at the time, but you weren't. You were still trying to figure out if you want to be together or not.

If you want to have a relationship with him, then sitting down to tell him you had sex with another guy is not the way to do it, just because naturally we all tend to be somewhat jealous. Now, honesty is always the best policy, but I'm just not sure it's really relevant here, certainly not at this stage in your not-quite-a-relationship. It was right after you asked him where your relationship was, and you ended up telling him you're going to see other people.

On that topic... if you're wondering if someone likes you, watch what they do, not what they say. People always try to put labels on your relationship, asking if he likes you, what he wants to do later on, etc. Guys and girls both do this, and it makes people feel boxed in. The human mating ritual is far too complex for those types of categorizations. It just "sort of happens".

You want to be together? Get together, do something together, have fun, and as you have fun and laugh together and spend time together, your relationship will blossom. Again, no labels. At one point you'll both think it's sill if you weren't "exclusive" so you'll go exclusive and agree to not date other people.

And so on. Make sure to use protection (a condom) when you have sex (yeah, we say that a lot), especially since you had sex with someone else (hopefully with protection).