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Hello there I’m 24 years old. Living in Norway, but of French origin.
I see that the answers given are well formulated and pretty much explains how and why. But I think that to be able to give me a good complete answer I really got to explain the whole picture, this might get long so I beg you to have patience with me.
The background information before I met my last ex-girlfriend:
I've been through two really bad breakups in the last 5 years before meeting my last girlfriend. In those two relationships I was dumped without a real better reason than that they wanted to get single and they did not love me anymore. That as everything in life leaves scars or/and gives you experience about what works and what doesn’t. Supposedly they told me that it was not really anything wrong with me, but just that the love had withered away. Each of those relationships lasted only 7 months. When the first one ended 5 years ago I was 19 years old and just finished my job in the Norwegian army, I was confused and devastated and got my first real meeting with love and breakup. So young and stupid I left Norway where I had been living since I was 6 years old, and went back to France and joined the French foreign legion(which is extremely hard to get accepted into) for the usual contract of 5 years service in search of a simpler and more meaningful life. Boy was I in for a surprise. I went on a couple of missions to Afghanistan and the Ivory coast, where I saw and did a lot of horrible things in the name of justice and all those other lies our world leaders give us. Anyway well back after a mission I deserted, after 1 and a half year of service and went back to Norway. There I met my second ex-girlfriend that as you know also ended the relationship after 7 months. After this I got much more careful not to let myself fall in love or get bedazzled by any woman. And I carried a lot of bitterness and grudge with me as much from the time in the foreign legion as from not understanding what it was that made those two ex-girlfriends stop loving me. As time went by I relaxed much more and really began enjoying life again. And then I rather of thinking what could be wrong with me, focused on what good traits and abilities I thought could be attractive and sought after by another person. So I began to excel in cooking, training and being a good listener and possible person to come to for advice in all kinds of matters that I felt secure on being able to give advice in. As I am a very social person who has always worked either in the military or in private security and in the bar/nightclub business, I just filled my spare time to meet and hang out with friends without an agenda to meet “the right one” around the corner. And after almost 1 year as single after my second breakup, I met my real true big love in life.
So finally to the actual case:
My ex-girlfriend as of almost two weeks now, She is 26 and in my eyes still an amazing woman, she is as me very independent and has no problem to thrive in her own company and likes to have the freedom to be able to do whatever you want whenever you want. She is very social as well and is not afraid to say her opinion. She is easy to talk to and normally very understanding always with a smile lurking if she says or does something wrong. Takes her work as nurse with totally or partly handicapped patients very seriously and cares a lot for them. Has enormous amount of energy, humor and life joy. But as with everyone you must learn to love their positive traits as well as the negative ones, and she has unfortunately been spoiled a lot by her parents so she is used to get it her way. She can be very self-centered and egoistic at times and stubborn if she doesn’t get it her way. Practically needs to feel that she pretty much controls/dominates her surroundings.
So we met accidently at a party that I held and we got to know each other, and found a lot of fun in each other and common ground about views and opinions, so for the whole next month after the party she came to my place almost every evening and night after work with her sister (who is a lot of fun as well). And we just hanged out as friends and watched movies, talked about anything between heaven and earth, and I cooked lots of different exotic and exciting food for them that they had never tried and had them occasionally meet friends of mine that came to visit. They slept over at my place occasionally as well (without any sex or anything), so after that first month as friends I began to feel safe and comfortable with her and began to feel that I was falling in love with her. I told her about my feelings and got in a way mixed signals because she had also had similar bad experiences as me with relationships, but little time after she found out that she was falling in love with me as well. We decided to be together in a relationship and take it slow, and everything worked out perfect between us. I had my apartment that I rented and she had hers that she owned not far from me. We had weekly 1 or 2 dinner parties with friends from both me and her at my place, so there was a good balance of not only being alone with each other. We resolved matters in difference of opinion without much trouble, and we enjoyed each other’s relaxed company and respected the little private time that we spent away from each other. After three months she asked and preferred that we stayed more at her place cause she is very “home sweet home”, so we did and we were practically with each other 24/7 since both of us loved to stay home and it worked out fine. By this time since we met 3 months ago, I was in my 5th month of sick leave from work because I had been given the diagnosis Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which is common when you’ve experienced and been to war. So I was very much staying at her apartment that period, without it being a real problem in any way for her. In the 4th month of the relationship we went on a vacation together with some common friends of us, and when we came back we found out she was pregnant. We talked about what we felt about it and found out that everything felt right and we really wanted this child and talked about plans for our future together, so we began looking for a bigger apartment and I got the okay from my doctor and shrink to begin working again. Her family loved and adored me, and her parents were excited to become grandparents. Her parents loaned her the money and 1 month later we bought a bigger apartment for us and room for the baby to come. In the 2 weeks before moving in together in our new home things had suddenly become a little more edgier and stressful, and we had a few short heated discussions that mostly I backed down from. I took it for from her part as stress, uncertainty about the future, maybe a little fear about feeling that she lost much of her freedom, what it would be like to have a baby, the hormones that goes totally wild, etc. I did my best to make her feel comfortable and reassure her and made efforts not to argue too much any decisions, but made her really be sure that she wanted this to work, to live together and to have the baby. And as she assured me that was what she wished I gave up my old apartment, and we moved in together with our stuff in the new apartment the 26th February after being together for almost 6 months. She got sick leave from her work because of continuous vomiting and generally feeling exhausted from the pregnancy. She suddenly began to shun most of my attempts of showing my affection and body contact, and apologized and said it was because of the pregnancy. This made me feel very uncertain and unloved, but I read a lot and discussed with close friends and family what’s normal for pregnant women and how the hormones affect them, so I just did my best to fulfill any needs she had and respect that this was normal and would pass after a month or so. After living there together for 10 days with occasional silly bickering from her part and beginning to complain that we were too much with each other, she went to sleep at her parents place for 2 days. Then she called me and asked me if I could stay in my old apartment (which I still had until the end of March) for a few days so that she could have some time for herself in our apartment, I said it was okay and did so really beginning to feel frustrated and helpless. The following day she called me and said that she needed space and felt that everything may had gone too fast between us and that she felt really weird emotionally and she thought that she didn’t really know if she loved me anymore, and that she thought it would be best if I moved out at least until she found out about her feelings and said she hoped it was the hormones that made her feel like that and this could take some time, but for now she thought it was best to break up. I went from happy for the baby to come and consoling myself with our plans for the future, to total confusion and desperation trying at the same time to keep calm and be positive. We have spoken once after that when I called her and then she sincerely apologized for the situation she has put me in, but was not too positive to how things may work out between us later. Well know it’s been soon 2 weeks apart, I’m just working on putting the pieces of my life together, finding a new apartment and be motivated in my new job as technical consultant . Everything seems pretty unreal right now, but I still love her with my heart and my soul and keep thinking about the baby, but ask myself the question as I ask you now as a neutral third party:
Should I hope, work and try to get back together with her or just try to forget her even when were having a baby together????????????
And for whomever it may concern, I’m irrevocably thankful for the time you have spent to digest all this information and is anxious to know your view and advice on my situation.
I see that the answers given are well formulated and pretty much explains how and why. But I think that to be able to give me a good complete answer I really got to explain the whole picture, this might get long so I beg you to have patience with me.
The background information before I met my last ex-girlfriend:
I've been through two really bad breakups in the last 5 years before meeting my last girlfriend. In those two relationships I was dumped without a real better reason than that they wanted to get single and they did not love me anymore. That as everything in life leaves scars or/and gives you experience about what works and what doesn’t. Supposedly they told me that it was not really anything wrong with me, but just that the love had withered away. Each of those relationships lasted only 7 months. When the first one ended 5 years ago I was 19 years old and just finished my job in the Norwegian army, I was confused and devastated and got my first real meeting with love and breakup. So young and stupid I left Norway where I had been living since I was 6 years old, and went back to France and joined the French foreign legion(which is extremely hard to get accepted into) for the usual contract of 5 years service in search of a simpler and more meaningful life. Boy was I in for a surprise. I went on a couple of missions to Afghanistan and the Ivory coast, where I saw and did a lot of horrible things in the name of justice and all those other lies our world leaders give us. Anyway well back after a mission I deserted, after 1 and a half year of service and went back to Norway. There I met my second ex-girlfriend that as you know also ended the relationship after 7 months. After this I got much more careful not to let myself fall in love or get bedazzled by any woman. And I carried a lot of bitterness and grudge with me as much from the time in the foreign legion as from not understanding what it was that made those two ex-girlfriends stop loving me. As time went by I relaxed much more and really began enjoying life again. And then I rather of thinking what could be wrong with me, focused on what good traits and abilities I thought could be attractive and sought after by another person. So I began to excel in cooking, training and being a good listener and possible person to come to for advice in all kinds of matters that I felt secure on being able to give advice in. As I am a very social person who has always worked either in the military or in private security and in the bar/nightclub business, I just filled my spare time to meet and hang out with friends without an agenda to meet “the right one” around the corner. And after almost 1 year as single after my second breakup, I met my real true big love in life.
So finally to the actual case:
My ex-girlfriend as of almost two weeks now, She is 26 and in my eyes still an amazing woman, she is as me very independent and has no problem to thrive in her own company and likes to have the freedom to be able to do whatever you want whenever you want. She is very social as well and is not afraid to say her opinion. She is easy to talk to and normally very understanding always with a smile lurking if she says or does something wrong. Takes her work as nurse with totally or partly handicapped patients very seriously and cares a lot for them. Has enormous amount of energy, humor and life joy. But as with everyone you must learn to love their positive traits as well as the negative ones, and she has unfortunately been spoiled a lot by her parents so she is used to get it her way. She can be very self-centered and egoistic at times and stubborn if she doesn’t get it her way. Practically needs to feel that she pretty much controls/dominates her surroundings.
So we met accidently at a party that I held and we got to know each other, and found a lot of fun in each other and common ground about views and opinions, so for the whole next month after the party she came to my place almost every evening and night after work with her sister (who is a lot of fun as well). And we just hanged out as friends and watched movies, talked about anything between heaven and earth, and I cooked lots of different exotic and exciting food for them that they had never tried and had them occasionally meet friends of mine that came to visit. They slept over at my place occasionally as well (without any sex or anything), so after that first month as friends I began to feel safe and comfortable with her and began to feel that I was falling in love with her. I told her about my feelings and got in a way mixed signals because she had also had similar bad experiences as me with relationships, but little time after she found out that she was falling in love with me as well. We decided to be together in a relationship and take it slow, and everything worked out perfect between us. I had my apartment that I rented and she had hers that she owned not far from me. We had weekly 1 or 2 dinner parties with friends from both me and her at my place, so there was a good balance of not only being alone with each other. We resolved matters in difference of opinion without much trouble, and we enjoyed each other’s relaxed company and respected the little private time that we spent away from each other. After three months she asked and preferred that we stayed more at her place cause she is very “home sweet home”, so we did and we were practically with each other 24/7 since both of us loved to stay home and it worked out fine. By this time since we met 3 months ago, I was in my 5th month of sick leave from work because I had been given the diagnosis Post Traumatic Stress Disorder which is common when you’ve experienced and been to war. So I was very much staying at her apartment that period, without it being a real problem in any way for her. In the 4th month of the relationship we went on a vacation together with some common friends of us, and when we came back we found out she was pregnant. We talked about what we felt about it and found out that everything felt right and we really wanted this child and talked about plans for our future together, so we began looking for a bigger apartment and I got the okay from my doctor and shrink to begin working again. Her family loved and adored me, and her parents were excited to become grandparents. Her parents loaned her the money and 1 month later we bought a bigger apartment for us and room for the baby to come. In the 2 weeks before moving in together in our new home things had suddenly become a little more edgier and stressful, and we had a few short heated discussions that mostly I backed down from. I took it for from her part as stress, uncertainty about the future, maybe a little fear about feeling that she lost much of her freedom, what it would be like to have a baby, the hormones that goes totally wild, etc. I did my best to make her feel comfortable and reassure her and made efforts not to argue too much any decisions, but made her really be sure that she wanted this to work, to live together and to have the baby. And as she assured me that was what she wished I gave up my old apartment, and we moved in together with our stuff in the new apartment the 26th February after being together for almost 6 months. She got sick leave from her work because of continuous vomiting and generally feeling exhausted from the pregnancy. She suddenly began to shun most of my attempts of showing my affection and body contact, and apologized and said it was because of the pregnancy. This made me feel very uncertain and unloved, but I read a lot and discussed with close friends and family what’s normal for pregnant women and how the hormones affect them, so I just did my best to fulfill any needs she had and respect that this was normal and would pass after a month or so. After living there together for 10 days with occasional silly bickering from her part and beginning to complain that we were too much with each other, she went to sleep at her parents place for 2 days. Then she called me and asked me if I could stay in my old apartment (which I still had until the end of March) for a few days so that she could have some time for herself in our apartment, I said it was okay and did so really beginning to feel frustrated and helpless. The following day she called me and said that she needed space and felt that everything may had gone too fast between us and that she felt really weird emotionally and she thought that she didn’t really know if she loved me anymore, and that she thought it would be best if I moved out at least until she found out about her feelings and said she hoped it was the hormones that made her feel like that and this could take some time, but for now she thought it was best to break up. I went from happy for the baby to come and consoling myself with our plans for the future, to total confusion and desperation trying at the same time to keep calm and be positive. We have spoken once after that when I called her and then she sincerely apologized for the situation she has put me in, but was not too positive to how things may work out between us later. Well know it’s been soon 2 weeks apart, I’m just working on putting the pieces of my life together, finding a new apartment and be motivated in my new job as technical consultant . Everything seems pretty unreal right now, but I still love her with my heart and my soul and keep thinking about the baby, but ask myself the question as I ask you now as a neutral third party:
Should I hope, work and try to get back together with her or just try to forget her even when were having a baby together????????????
And for whomever it may concern, I’m irrevocably thankful for the time you have spent to digest all this information and is anxious to know your view and advice on my situation.
