Ask Dan & Jennifer

That is a really great question. In writing this, know that I am presently recognized as an expert in assessment and treatment of youth with sexual behavior problems, therefore I am somewhat up to date on the current research in this area. Japan removed legal restrictions on pornography for minors, and the sex offense rate actually dropped. However, in my private practice I have worked with youth, usually pre-teen, who committed sexual offenses as a result of exposure to pornography. Therefore, the evidence is somewhat mixed., and therefore inconclusive, at this point.

One issue that i think is key is the idea of consent. Like taking an over-the-counter medication or consuming alcoholic beverages, consumption of pornography carries certain risks. The present state of knowledge is that we may now know all the risks. As an adult, I am expected to know those risks and make an informed decision for myself. I think the reason it is illegal for minors is the same reason that minors can't legally enter into contractual relationships.

Right now, the scientific evidence on this is very slim. Some researchers argue that pornography increases sexual energy and the increased sexual energy increases the risk of a person committing a sexual offense. Other researchers argue that it gives people a means of reducing their sexual energy and thereby reduces the chances they will act out sexually.

Scientifically, I don't think we have enough evidence to give a clear recommendation. About all the research has clearly demonstrated is that sex offenders like pornography. That does not prove that the pornography causes sex offenses. "Correlation does not prove causality." (Sophomore logic class). Sex offenders may simply have higher sex drives that contribute to both offenses and increased consumption of pornography. Until we have more evidence, I think it is wise that the decision to use pornography should remain an adult choice. If future evidence suggests that the risks associated with it are minimal for teens, then we as a society should re-examine the issue, the way we did in allowing minors to seek mental health services. The same way a minor can get pre-natal care or treatment for an STD is many states without parental consent. A year ago, I would have been adamant against allowing teens to purchase pornography, until the news of the Japanese study I mentioned earlier. My opinion is that we should leave the issue the way it is but open for discussion as further evidence comes in.

People become sexually aware at a younger age than 18, usually starting around 13, yet we do not seem to educate these teenagers about how to explore their sexuality. This lack of sexual education can lead to pornography addiction, distorted perspectives of sex from pornography, objectification of women, and trouble with intimacy. Although there is no requirement for adults to learn how to properly use pornography as well, I would not want my brother or friend legal access to pornography at 16 unless they are properly informed. I have seen too many men - as well as women and relationships between people - negatively effected by exposure to pornography.

KettleKorn: What a great post. I think some people have trouble distinguishing fantasy from reality. Pornography is by definition someone's fantasy. I have had my female friends complain that their man expects them to actually enjoy being treated like an object, like the women in the videos.

i couldn't agree more, i mean it's very important to get started on the right track when a teenager first starts to explore his sexuality (i.e what/which fantasies, fetishes, and gender he/she prefers) and more importantly to learn sexual intimacy.

from personal experience:
porn is a really bad example without proper education/information, and to start off exploring your sexuality with it is just not a good idea. you'd develop so many bad habits and expectations that you'll find yourself trying to fix them in order to have a healthy relationship.

also if you continue to keep a porn resource, someone else like your son, could stumble upon it and the cycle continues.

Just like guns, teach them young and there will be more respect for them. Porn only has an allure to teenagers because it is taboo and they are interested which is normal. I would be more concerned about a teenager that was not interested.

We need serious education, not only about sex but about sensuality, love, respect and the realities of the life on Earth. If a teen understands it and is taught to respect it then the problems will be reduced.

In the Lifestyle we are always talking about communication being important. What is not discussed enough is that communication is important in all relationships. Poly, swinging, gay, straight, monogamy, between friends, between parents and children etc. Every relationship that one has is based on communication.

If we open our hearts and minds then we will have better relationships in all directions of our life. A wise man once said "love is all we need." That is not true. We don't need love. Love will come and go, hopefully it comes more often than it goes. I will take respect at every turn though.

A teen looking at porn is actually asking a question that needs to be addressed. He is obviously not comfortable asking his parents. This is a great opportunity to develop a stronger relationship. All problems and conflict offer an opportunity. We just need to be strong and stable enough to take advantage of the opportunity.

When one raises a child or a teenager we hope that he/she will one day become a decent and respectful citizen who will treat others as they should be treated. They learn how from their parents (the primary socializers). You have a hard but rewarding task ahead of you. Talk to your kid about it. He will be shy and try to avoid it. Create an environment that he can talk to you. He just might.

BTW, you have another psych guy running around on this forum consider this free advice but not a session.

R

Rembrandt: You raise very legitimate points. I have absolutely no problem with teens seeing nudity and getting accurate information about sexuality. I think the problem comes in when people have trouble distinguishing reality from fantasy. I know a lot of women that tell me their man expects them to respond like the girls in the videos.

It's a complex subject, and probably deserves more attention. We obviously, as a society, are sending kids mixed messages, mainly through the media, about sexuality. "Be a virgin" and "there's something wrong with you unless you're doing it."

This is going to be a debated topic over the next few years. We could find that some types of what is now called pornography could be beneficial. Until we know that for sure, I think the decision to use it or not is best left with adults. I'm open to changing my mind on that if we study it systematically and find out what's helpful and what's hurtful.

I couldn't agree more Beagle. The problem is that kids and teenagers are going to get into it whether we like it or not. So since it will happen it is our part as responsible adults to have serious discussions with teens to guide them through what could be a very confusing time. Who knows, this may actually be a step to creating a more balanced and healthy society. It will certainly lead to raising a more balanced and healthy adult.

R

I would say almost every teen aged boy 13+ has previously viewed a porno. Nowadays most boys discover their sexual feelings very very early. Hell I started going crazy for girls in preschool when I was 4 years old! and i'm 23 now so that was awhile ago. I guess i might have been a rarity though. Anyway, people are fooling themselves if they think teens don't wanna view porn.

Beagle:
However, in my private practice I have worked with youth, usually pre-teen, who committed sexual offenses as a result of exposure to pornography. Therefore, the evidence is somewhat mixed., and therefore inconclusive, at this point.

Actions stem from motives, not influences. Despite what he may have been "urged" by, his actions were only his own. He acted upon them. To quote a stupid but knowledgeful term "Know Excuses". He doesn't need nor probably deserve any sypathetic gestures.

Beagle:
Right now, the scientific evidence on this is very slim. Some researchers argue that pornography increases sexual energy and the increased sexual energy increases the risk of a person committing a sexual offense. Other researchers argue that it gives people a means of reducing their sexual energy and thereby reduces the chances they will act out sexually.

Notice how that "experiment" doesn't get any solid results? There aren't any. That means there are variables that make pinpointing a common denominator in this equation are impossible because the limit does not exist. Limits are set per consciousness. Each person sets their own variables. Those variables spawn circumstances, and those are subjectable to change per person. Each has their own "reason(s)" for what they do and do not do. Reguardless of REASON, they need to be held accountable as per the circumstancial EVIDENCE.

Or as you already put it:

"Correlation does not prove causality."

Whew. Moving on...

KellteKorn:
People become sexually aware at a younger age than 18, usually starting around 13, yet we do not seem to educate these teenagers about how to explore their sexuality.

Education is fine, but who determines what should be taught and only an individual decides what they learn. That is where the internet comes in. They search what they specifically are looking to learn about, and find it. Instant A to their Q. As far as how they explore their own sexuality is entirely up to them. Influence can be given, but motives and action are their own.

Beagle:
I have had my female friends complain that their man expects them to actually enjoy being treated like an object, like the women in the videos.

Expecting is the great illusion of our time. Nothing we expect do we seldom get. It is wrong to expect anything, but bartering and negotiating for what we want, everybody gets a fair deal. They should make their men do something they want in exchange, or they can get lost, and reflect on their actions that made them lose out on wonderful people that could, and probably did, improve their quality of life.

Rembrandt:
Just like guns, teach them young and there will be more respect for them. Porn only has an allure to teenagers because it is taboo and they are interested which is normal. I would be more concerned about a teenager that was not interested.

I have no respect for guns. Guns are barbaric and entirely another topic, but just knowing about something does not constitute or deserve respect. It is learned, and not a given. Teaching (giving) is only good to those that want to listen (recieve). If it's not interresting and compelling, forget it. How do you compell? You LISTEN in return. Don't ramble your views - just allow communication pathways to be open, as you've also stated. People won't learn unless they want to learn something. Then they go in search of answers. I just hope a majority find absolutely truthful and consistant answers. Overall, that was a fine post.

Rembrandt:
The problem is that kids and teenagers are going to get into it whether we like it or not. So since it will happen it is our part as responsible adults to have serious discussions with teens to guide them through what could be a very confusing time. Who knows, this may actually be a step to creating a more balanced and healthy society. It will certainly lead to raising a more balanced and healthy adult.

Nobody will know how much I love that post. Perfect.

cjsav12_4_85:
...Hell I started going crazy for girls in preschool when I was 4 years old!...

I had a girlfriend for a week or two at age 4 when I was camping. Then a crush at school at 5, and another at 6. Love is truely timeless. It can happen anytime. Differences exist between a fascination/fixation with people and relationships with deeper meaning than the shallow urges that reside in everyone. Those urges only have meaning if we want them to.