Simply troubled...

in Singles and Dating » Dating Tips and Advice • 3 years ago

So, here's the rub. I'm 18, male... a virgin, even to dating. Yeah, it's not very fun. I understand the theory involved in meeting a girl, but I can't seem to apply it to the real world. I see the logical flaw, but I can't seem to be able to do anything about it.

It is, perhaps, the byproduct - subconsciously, of living in a French city. I'm not quite in my element. I also have no where to truly meet a girl at. If a see someone attractive while I'm walking about, I can never seem to muster up the courage to walk over to her. I don't know why. I consider myself fairly confident but... eh.

MySpace.com - Electrifying Paul - 18 - Male - Montreal, CA - www.myspace.com/savvyteen

That is my myspace. I have a few pictures up. I look cute, I know. I wish I looked hot though. I know I know, it's all about confidence. Or is it? Meh, I've never really been approached by a girl before, I know it's much rarer for em to do so but it should of happened at least once. I get the feeling girls for the most part are not very attracted to cute guys. Too much of a baby face. Sort of a self-defeating attitude, ugh. :o

I've tried the online thing, with little luck. I rarely ever meet a girl that seems to be interested in me back, and they never seem to want to meet me in person. I keep thinking there has to be some critical flaw that I am making... but I just don't know.

Eh, sorry for my rambling. :p

Replies(6)

lisaq_dan..

Re: Simply troubled...

3 years ago

First of all, love the myspace profile. Very impressive!

And yes, it really is about confidence. Girls can sense it...or the lack of it. Feeling like you're out of your element in your city more than likely transcends into other areas of your life including dating.

Here's the thing...waiting for them to approach you may very well mean you'll be waiting a very long time. A lot of girls aren't comfortable doing so and some are simply just too shy to do it.

You're going to need to build your confidence and find your element. Just as you are working on your body, you need to work just as hard on your self esteem and inner confidence. Use positive self-talk, positive affirmations and get out there!

If you're too uncomfortable asking a girl out in person, start by asking over the phone. Whatever, however. The point is you have to ask! They may just surprise you and say yes!

exavion

Re: Simply troubled...

3 years ago

See the funny thing is, I have no problem talking to a girl I know. Nor asking them out, then... it's just, approaching a random girl I don't know. For some reason that really makes me nervous. ;)

Oh and thanks, I'd love my myspace too. :)

modernsav..

Re: Simply troubled...

3 years ago

Exavion,

I think you're over thinking this. First of all, being a virgin at 18 is no big deal. You'd be surprised how many older guys (aged 18 - 30) are out there....trust me, it's more you than you think.

As you said above, there isn't really anything wrong with you and you have nothing to worry about in the looks department (not that it matters). You basically have a case of approach anxiety, which is completely normal and common amongst most men. Unfortunately, the cure is also the cause of the symptom, you simply need to start approaching more women.

Take baby steps at first and build up. One of the best things you can do is start talking to more random people, regardless of whether or not you are trying to pick them up. Practice making small talk with EVERYONE. This will get you more comfortable talking to strangers and should help make things much easier when you want to approach a really cute woman.

exavion

Re: Simply troubled...

3 years ago

Thanks, savage.

It is to be noted that I don't really have any greater level of fear when trying to approach a really cute girl. I don't think any girl is "out of my league", so to speak. Overall I just have a fear of approaching people, I guess a lot of it stems from the French environment.

The only thing I can really do is start to try and approach them anyway, but it's not easy. :p

danandjen..

Get more comfortable around women by spending more time around people

3 years ago

Hmmm.... to get more comfortable around people - and in groups of people - you might try spending more time around people, i.e. small groups of people.

Oh, another idea is something called ToastMasters - it's a very loose organization of people who get together once every few weeks in most major cities - free - to help one another get good at public speaking. Speaking in front of a few (or more) people really helps you build that confidence and comfort in front of groups of people.

Also, Meetup is a great way to find groups of people in your area that you might be interested in joining or at least checking out. There are interest groups on every conceivable topic, and they're always looking for new members.

It's about getting out and comfortable around people, men and women... the more you do it, the more proficient and comfortable you are at it.

Just like riding a bike or shooting a 9mm Glock. Smooth. LOL