Swinging is all he thinks about now

in Sex and Intimacy » Swingers and Threesomes • 3 years ago

My fiance and I are interested in starting to swing. We have talked about it for awhile now but haven't found any real sites to meet people yet. The thing is for some reason in the last week or so, that is all he thinks or talks about-finding someone. He spends most of his free time, which I admit isn't much, trying to find someone near us. I say just chill and it will happen when it happens. Also, I have tried to approach him about talking about ground rules and he doesn't seem to think there should be any. I disagree with that 100%. How do I make him see he is pushing me away from the idea??

Replies(2)

k. in cle..

Re: Swinging is all he thinks about now

3 years ago

OK, swinging can be a wonderful experience for couples. It can be difficult to start, and finding someone in your area may be difficult. Don't let that discourage you... Now, from his point of view he is really excited. I totally get this, when my boyfriend and I started into the lifestyle it was all I could think about too. The idea made me really excited and anxious. But, it wasn't to the point of excluding sexual contact with my guy. I am not sure from your question if this is what is happening or not. Is he still interested in having sex with you, or just someone else? If he is still interested in you then I think he's just hormone loaded and ready for this new experience. If he's not interested in a sexual relationship with you, then you really need to sit down and talk with each other.
Now, about the ground rules. This is important. There's a lot of things that come up. For instance, in my case, we decided that unless it was someone we knew well and had agreed on it before hand, we weren't going to do different room playing because he was uncomfortable with the idea. I was fine with separate room play, but he wasn't, so I had to honor his request. Now, that's not to say that we haven't done it, but we talked about it before the play began. If your man can't understand that there are some rules you want to go by, even if just to start off, then you shouldn't go there. Violating someone's limits sets up a whole can of worms you don't want opened. He may be having fun, and doing something you're not comfortable with. This, in turn, negates the possibility of you having fun. That's just not good.
Sit down and talk with him. Tell him you're still interested in opening up the relationship, but in order to do so there's some things you feel you need to discuss and agree upon, in order to step into the lifestyle. It may open him up a little when you tell him how you love him and so very enjoy your sexuality, and can't wait to explore new depths of esctasy with swinging.

I hope this helps...:)

danandjen..

Get those ground rules down before you do anything...

3 years ago

Hi Belle,

K. is right on about the ground rules. They are absolutely crucial. You two are venturing into uncharted waters for your relationship. Bringing in another person or couple into your sex life will really test the strength of your relationship, as well as your own confidence in yourselves and your partner. If you have any jealousy issues, be very cautions, and try to work through those first. You don't want to be having sex with another couple when you figure out that your man "has no right touching that woman!".

So, yes, the ground rules will change after your first experience, and probably after each of the first few experiences. But this is NOT the time to be asking for forgiveness instead of permission. Make the rules, and stick to them. The day after is a perfect time to readdress any of the rules that no longer apply.

Check out these videos we did recently about how to venture into swinging slowly and cautiously so it's actually a fun adventure for you two and nobody gets hurt...

Also check out our Swingers & Threesomes Channel for a lot of other helpful articles, videos, tips, and advice you'll want to be familiar with right about now...

As for his enthusiasm, your guy is understandably excited... after all, from what we've generally seen, many couples end up venturing into swinging with other couples as a result of the quintessential male fantasy of a threesome with his woman and another girl. But their girl is generally less threatened by a couple, where you tend to know who's going home with whom when playtime is over. Who knows how long he's wanted to try something like this, and now that he knows he's about to get it, he wants to see it happen... NOW!

Just be sure and be selective of what people / couples you get together with, don't let him rush a meeting with someone you wouldn't normally want anything to do with. Your first few times will be a great learning experience of what you want and what you don't want, but you should still be smart about it - always be informed.