Ask Dan & Jennifer

Girls with boyfriends just like an Electric Wires , Don't ever appraoch them , Because she propbley won't leave her boyfriend and if she did that for you that's a really bad sign and she could do the same with you , but if she breaks-up with him , that's deferent , you can ask her out and be her boyfriend;) !

Absolutely, keep your distance from the relationship. Trying to break up a relationship is likely to backfire and could have all sorts of unpleasant results.

But if you like her and think she may be unhappy, be there and stay close. Be her friend, let her get to know and like you. When she's ready, she'll look around and wonder - "who else could / would I like to be with?" and you want her to think of you.

Oh, where a lot of guys go wrong here is by pretending they don't actually like her in a sexual / romantic sense. First, that is just being dishonest. Also, you immediately disqualify yourself from the game when she IS ready for someone new.

Remember, it's ok and natural to like a woman without breaking up her relationship - and you can be her friend and still like her. Don't pretend that you're gay when you're with her - sorry, that's a little direct but gets the point across. :)

So the overt attempt at breaking them up could backfire - this also has to do with basic human psychology: nothing brings 2 people together like adversity or a challenge from another.

But being her friend puts you in the position to be the "next one up to bat" if / when her current relationship fails.

Good luck!!
Dan

Hi Hex,

First, I think you need to ask yourself something. Does she "deserve" you more than her current boyfriend? Try to put aside any selfish wants or needs and be honest. If the boyfriend is truly a better man than you, then you have a big moral issue on your hands if you try to break them up.

On the other hand, if this guy is a complete scumbag, then there is a way to get her but it's not easy and is actually contrary to what you think you should do.

You don't want to become enemies with the guy or show any hostility towards him, especially in front of the girl. As Dan says above, nothing brings two people together better than adversity. If you talk trash about him, then she will likely defend her boyfriend and distance herself further from you.

You'd want to take the opposite approach and actually be-friend the boyfriend. Don't become his best-friend but simply be friendly and cool with him. Also, put HIM up on a pedestal. For example, when you are having a conversation with the girl, you want to talk about how great, cool, awesome her boyfriend is. Start teasing her and ask if they will get married and have little babies some day. Make him sound like he is too good to be true.

This approach of putting the boyfriend on a pedestal will cause her to start questioning the qualities of him. She'll start finding faults in him and thinking that he is not the one. Of course, this only works if the guy is a low value male, particularly one who is a major a-hole.

Also, if you do try to get her, the plan could still backfire. She could break-up with the boyfriend, but then go find someone else of much higher value than the boyfriend or yourself. So, you better make sure that you're a "great guy" before you go messing around with people's relationships.

Again, I stress, if the boyfriend is a good guy, you should have some integrity and let them be.

I have the exact same problem,but I have a cheating girlfriend on top of me liking someone elses girlfriend.thats why im stuckindamiddle.Me and the girl I like are completly compatable, and agree on everything.the universe somehow put her in my hands. My plan is to wait a bit longer, as it has only been two weeks,and continue slowly hinting at my like for her.Ex: I told her she probably shouldn't be the trainer at my football games,(Iam the coach) because the kids would stay hurt and be distracted, but so would I. It seems like me and her stay in contact most of the day, and end up eating lunch 3-5 days a week. She is also comfortable enough to come to my apartment and just chill with me.Her boyfriend is a mechanic at a dealership that is two hours away.she says last weekend that him and his buddies went out clubbing all weekend and she couldn't go back to her home town to see him.So i think my odds are looking up.I am also waiting to catch my girlfriend cheating so i can split, but if my dreamgirl here turns to me, i will drop the cheater quick.the strange thing is, that I don't ever mention my girlfriend to the dream girl. I know their is a fine line between being considered a datable friend, and being seen as a brother figure.That would be the danger zone. maybe I can recieve some input that can help both of us Hex.

First of all i would like to thank all of you for your advice. It was never my intention to try to break-up their relationship. it wouldn't be fair to her. should i not be spending time with her one on one? My thinking is that her boyfriend satisfies some of her needs and then she comes to me to satisfy the needs that her boyfriend can't or won't. and with the two of us she has everything she needs so she won't see the need to break-up with her boyfriend. after reading all the replies i have a few more questions. How do i let her know that i don't want to be just friends without making it seem that all i want is to hook-up? and should i tell her that i like her and let her know that i would love to go out with her if her current relationship doesn't work out. and completely leave out my opinion of her boyfriend.

Originally posted by: Hex_99
How do i let her know that i don't want to be just friends without making it seem that all i want is to hook-up? and should i tell her that i like her and let her know that i would love to go out with her if her current relationship doesn't work out. and completely leave out my opinion of her boyfriend.

This one is easy. You don't let her know directly. Simply stop hanging around with her less, don't have as many conversations, stop acting like her friend. I'm not saying that you should be mean to her, but you should pay less attention to her than you are now.

If she asks why you aren't paying as much attention to her anymore, say that you are busy in the dating scene right now and your focus at this time in your life is to have a girlfriend. It's a subtle way of telling HER that you want to be more than friends should the occasion arise. If you do this enough, than she'll get the point.

Also, it wouldn't hurt if you actually DID start dating other women. For a couple of reasons: it creates some jealousy on her part, it creates social proof on your part and it doesn't hurt to have someone on the back burner.

Finally, my last bit of advice. If I were you, I wouldn't be so caught up in this one girl. You're borderline obsessive here and it's not healthy. There are literally millions of other girls that are just as good as this one and it seems like a waste of time and effort to be scheming over this one girl. The best thing to do in my opinion is to simply forget about her and start pursuing other equally attractive and personable women.

Ok, I don't know if you're still looking for opinions but as a girl who has been in this situation this is what I've learned:

Firstly, try to avoid "White Knight Syndrome" as my friends and I have dubbed it, where you are her shoulder to cry on and always there when she needs to vent. That's not helpful, she might see you as "Just a good friend" material.

And be cautious about opening yourself up to be "rebound guy". It's one thing to let her know you're interested but if the moment they break it off you sweep her up chances are (harsh as it sounds) she's looking to rebound. That is NOT always the case, but be aware of that risk.

I'd say be her friend (sounds like you're already doing that) and let her know that you value her and care for her. A little light flirting is alright but nothing too heavy, remember, as great as it may be if she decides to fling caution to the winds and jump you, she could do the same routine with the next guy and leave you out in the dust and that's never fun.

Mainly just support her, don't bad mouth her current guy or try to play yourself up like superman, clearly she likes you as a friend, so work on establishing trust, boundries and a strong friendship so that IF you get the chance you'll have a firm foundation to start with.

In the Yanomamo tribe in Venezuela, men compete for women by hitting each other in the head with a stick. Sometimes, women incite competitions. The last man standing gets laid.

But you don't have to use a stick. You can use something even better: LEADERSHIP.
Leadership/status is the most attractive (super) trait to women. It has many components. Here's some to start you off:

Body language: Stand tall (but have relaxed shoulders) , take up space and don't break eye contact until the other person does. Don't fidget or let your eyes dart around.

Voice: Speak with a loud resonating voice and just a little bit slower than normal. Use more pauses. Hum all the time to develop resonance. Avoid the high-pitched, fast , whiney, approval-seeking "nice-guy" voice.

Words: Your sentence structure is short and simple. You use simple words because you're more interested in getting your message in the other person's head quickly rather than trying to sound intelligent. The ironic thing is that explaining things simply makes you sound intelligent. But, don't be so “logical” and “technically correct” when talking to women because this bores them. Instead be “cocky and funny”. See below for details.

Personality:

Resilience: You don't experience many negative emotions. It takes a lot for you to feel stress. You have a rapid rebound time. You don't complain or criticize. Even if you feel stress, you APPEAR cool, calm and collected.

Extraversion: You are relaxed and feel a lot of positive emotions. You are optimistic. You walk towards other people and start conversations. You have high self-esteem (you like yourself). You make other people feel good about themselves.

Explorer: You continually learn new things. Your life is filled with many interests and hobbies (this makes you interesting and mysterious). You like to visualize your goals. You love art and music.

Focused: You move towards your goals (rather than moving away from problems), You focus on one thing at a time until you've finished. You don't multi-task (because this causes stress, is unproductive and lowers your IQ more than smoking pot), You focus your attention for 2 hours at a time then you take a break for 20 minutes where you are completely unplugged. You continually improve yourself and your products. You eliminate distractions like cell phones, email, TV etc when you focus on your projects. When you focus, you are completely relaxed and in the zone.

Challenger: You don't let other people dominate you. You punish all bad behavior (build an arsenal of constructive criticism, witty insults, legal skills and martial arts skills). You say NO calmly (ie NOT arrogantly) to people or things that don't meet your high standards. You can become a vicious mad dog if someone crosses the line. Stop apologising for being you. Unless you break the law or act like a jerk, you've got nothing to be sorry for. Give yourself permission because no one ever will. Say to yourself “I give myself permission to do that thing and I deserve to have it.” You are OK with the reality that no one really cares about you, well at least not the way you care about yourself. You are OK with the reality that most people are focused on their own problems and they don't want to hear you complain. Most people couldn't care less if you were successful or not so stop seeking their approval. You are cocky AND funny. You say and do things that are part cocky AND part funny. Don't do too much cocky because you'll come off as an arrogant jerk. Don't use too much funny because you'll come off as goofy. “C & F” could also be described as ball-busting or playfully teasing. This is a counter-intutitve way of communicating with women that makes them extremely attracted to you. You can tell you're doing it right when she's laughing, pretending to be mad with you and playfully hitting you. Always end the interaction with women a little to soon and on a positive note.This will make them what you even more and they'll be thinking about you all the time.

Also learn self-defense (especially elbow strikes) because the boyfriend may not like being outcompeted. Beautiful young women are extremely risky. Don't be the nice guy who waits for years waiting for the right moment. Decide what you want, make the necessary changes to yourself and then go for it.

Originally posted by: Dan And Jennifer

But being her friend puts you in the position to be the "next one up to bat" if / when her current relationship fails.
Good luck!!
Dan

How much time do you invest in such a situation? It's very difficult to gauge where it might lead.

Originally posted by: Dan And Jennifer


Oh, where a lot of guys go wrong here is by pretending they don't actually like her in a sexual / romantic sense. First, that is just being dishonest. Also, you immediately disqualify yourself from the game when she IS ready for someone new.

Remember, it's ok and natural to like a woman without breaking up her relationship - and you can be her friend and still like her. Don't pretend that you're gay when you're with her - sorry, that's a little direct but gets the point across. :)

I'm going to steal that. That is good advice.

Just a hunch, but I am guessing that a few people here have been studying from people like Ross Jeffries and Mystery.

That's ok and it's actually good, but you also have to be careful with it as well. I've been trying to address a similar problem because I know that a lot of the time girls will get into relationships in which they are not really happy in and I also know that girls tend to be attracted to guys that like themselve's and that exude confidence. It's that whole Alpha Male thing.

I've also learned that it is best to never show too much interest because if you do you will be seen as needy. I've also learned that it is also a good idea to disqualify yourself at first and to basically make her chase you because people tend to want what they can't have.

It's a good tactic and it works, but in order for it to work it has to be excuted just right.

If you want to use a boyfriend destroyer tactic then you are going to have to make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons and not the wrong ones. If the girl is happy in the relationship that she is already in then don't bother with her and just move on to someone else. If she is not happy in the relationship, then I believe the it is ok to use the tactic.

Sometimes people get into relationships for all the wrong reasons and then when they do they can't figure out how to end the relationship and as a result one person ends up getting what they want while the other doesn't and I believe that is one of the principle reasons as to why couples end up getting divorced and as to why the divorce rate is so sky high now days.

I understand most of this stuff, that however is not my main problem that I have. I have a problem of a different nature that can only be shared in a thread of it's own.