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It has been days since I have been thinking about what to do...and I simplly dont know.
I met a guy online in a dating sight in March this year. We both live in Europe, but in different countries. He was talking to me a lot, emailed me ocasionally, we talked on the phone and he was very nice. Then he came to see me a month later. We made love then and it was nice. He came again, one month later and I am about to go to visit him this weekend...But I am very much confused!
After his first visit he started behaving differently to me. He does not call or contact me often, sometimes he forgets that we fixed time, does not answer my IM or text messages always. We already had 2 talks about it and a fight. I tried to understand how I feel about it and what I see. After each talk, he became a caring and loving person for few days, only to be back to old behaviour (not communicating much) after that. He naturally has excuses: he was depressed, then was taking care of his colegues who were fired, then lost his phone, then he hates computers and skype (he never hated them before we met for the first time!) and he checks the dating sight daily. We talk on phone for a about one hour once a week, and skype chat very rarely. When we talk we really have very deep and personal talks but talking once a week is simply not enough for me. I do not require daily communication, but I have need to talk and discuss things connected to my everyday, to seek for support when I am down and would like to be support for him when he is down, to have fun....I want to see if this guy can be a partner to me, and he is not really helping me much. Some of my freinds say that I exadurate, that he is caring about me just slow...Baegle said that it was mistake to have sex in the beggining, when we met, since many men do not respect women who they get easily,...and I dont know. My moods swing, and I start to feel really down when we do not talk for 3-5 days.
I bought a ticket to his country after his second visit and after he seemed to improve in communicating with me. NOw I am not sure if this was a good idea or not, because in the past 2 weeks he is back to same old not-communication. To me it seems as if he really dos not NEED communication wit me, and I read this as if he does nto care about me...I think that he does enjoy my company but that he is not serious about things between us. When we talked about it, he said we were freinds and that generaly, he is in relationship orientated guy but that he is still not sure whether he wants a relationship with me. I myself am seeking for arelationship, but I need to know him better to know if I really would like to be with him...but he is not really giving me much opportunity to get to know him, when he avoids talking and communicationg.
Beside this all, he is in a mid-life crisis I think. He devorced a year ago, he hates his job and wants to change it but does not dare to make any move - which brings lots of anxiety to him), due to the crisis ppl are fired daily at his work and he might be the next one, and I think that he is scared of being home alone since he is all the time out of the house with freinds...and he says that he drinks too much. He is thinking about seeing a psychilogist, which I think is a good idea...
All in all, I understadn his situation, I undertand that he wants to take time to decide whether he wants a relationship (which for him means that eather he or me have to move country) and that he is in life crisis, but deluted communication is terribly hard for me. Besides, I think that he is not showing enough interest, care and respect to me, as much I would like to. I tried to talk to him, but it did not bring much changes, so I am about to give uup.
Now I will travel to him next weekend, and I am so much confused about what to do? Should I talk to him again? Should I try to express myself for the thirds time? And if yes, how to talk to him? I will be in a country I have never been to and staying in his flat...and I am tensed thinking about talking to him. Like I am a person who likes talking when there is a problem in order to find a solution, but he seems to be avoiding any kind of talk which is a bit heavy or erious? I am thinking about asking him what are his exprectations form the thing between us - do you think it would be a good start? Or do oyu have any other tips? Or should I have just good time- enjoy hiking and going out , return home and finish the thing inside of me without discussing it with him? I could also stay in a hotel and be a turist ...I simplly do not know what to do? I am fed up with his behaviour...so like I am almost going there to break up whatever kind of "relationship" we are having...I sometimes think that I was really stupid to buy the plain ticket....maybe I should not go at all, but then the ticket was very expoensive and I cannot cancle it...
PLease give me your oppinion. I already posted a question related to this guy on here a month ago...but I would need more support now. I would like to know what I want before I travel to him on Friday evening.
PLease give me advice about how to talk to him!
I met a guy online in a dating sight in March this year. We both live in Europe, but in different countries. He was talking to me a lot, emailed me ocasionally, we talked on the phone and he was very nice. Then he came to see me a month later. We made love then and it was nice. He came again, one month later and I am about to go to visit him this weekend...But I am very much confused!
After his first visit he started behaving differently to me. He does not call or contact me often, sometimes he forgets that we fixed time, does not answer my IM or text messages always. We already had 2 talks about it and a fight. I tried to understand how I feel about it and what I see. After each talk, he became a caring and loving person for few days, only to be back to old behaviour (not communicating much) after that. He naturally has excuses: he was depressed, then was taking care of his colegues who were fired, then lost his phone, then he hates computers and skype (he never hated them before we met for the first time!) and he checks the dating sight daily. We talk on phone for a about one hour once a week, and skype chat very rarely. When we talk we really have very deep and personal talks but talking once a week is simply not enough for me. I do not require daily communication, but I have need to talk and discuss things connected to my everyday, to seek for support when I am down and would like to be support for him when he is down, to have fun....I want to see if this guy can be a partner to me, and he is not really helping me much. Some of my freinds say that I exadurate, that he is caring about me just slow...Baegle said that it was mistake to have sex in the beggining, when we met, since many men do not respect women who they get easily,...and I dont know. My moods swing, and I start to feel really down when we do not talk for 3-5 days.
I bought a ticket to his country after his second visit and after he seemed to improve in communicating with me. NOw I am not sure if this was a good idea or not, because in the past 2 weeks he is back to same old not-communication. To me it seems as if he really dos not NEED communication wit me, and I read this as if he does nto care about me...I think that he does enjoy my company but that he is not serious about things between us. When we talked about it, he said we were freinds and that generaly, he is in relationship orientated guy but that he is still not sure whether he wants a relationship with me. I myself am seeking for arelationship, but I need to know him better to know if I really would like to be with him...but he is not really giving me much opportunity to get to know him, when he avoids talking and communicationg.
Beside this all, he is in a mid-life crisis I think. He devorced a year ago, he hates his job and wants to change it but does not dare to make any move - which brings lots of anxiety to him), due to the crisis ppl are fired daily at his work and he might be the next one, and I think that he is scared of being home alone since he is all the time out of the house with freinds...and he says that he drinks too much. He is thinking about seeing a psychilogist, which I think is a good idea...
All in all, I understadn his situation, I undertand that he wants to take time to decide whether he wants a relationship (which for him means that eather he or me have to move country) and that he is in life crisis, but deluted communication is terribly hard for me. Besides, I think that he is not showing enough interest, care and respect to me, as much I would like to. I tried to talk to him, but it did not bring much changes, so I am about to give uup.
Now I will travel to him next weekend, and I am so much confused about what to do? Should I talk to him again? Should I try to express myself for the thirds time? And if yes, how to talk to him? I will be in a country I have never been to and staying in his flat...and I am tensed thinking about talking to him. Like I am a person who likes talking when there is a problem in order to find a solution, but he seems to be avoiding any kind of talk which is a bit heavy or erious? I am thinking about asking him what are his exprectations form the thing between us - do you think it would be a good start? Or do oyu have any other tips? Or should I have just good time- enjoy hiking and going out , return home and finish the thing inside of me without discussing it with him? I could also stay in a hotel and be a turist ...I simplly do not know what to do? I am fed up with his behaviour...so like I am almost going there to break up whatever kind of "relationship" we are having...I sometimes think that I was really stupid to buy the plain ticket....maybe I should not go at all, but then the ticket was very expoensive and I cannot cancle it...
PLease give me your oppinion. I already posted a question related to this guy on here a month ago...but I would need more support now. I would like to know what I want before I travel to him on Friday evening.
PLease give me advice about how to talk to him!
