Ask Dan & Jennifer

Dictionary Definition of abstinence n. The act or practice of refraining from indulging an appetite or desire, especially for alcoholic drink or sexual intercourse.

From a technical standpoint, true abstinence would involve refraining from masturbation (mutual or otherwise) or any other activity (such as daydreaming or fantasizing about sex) that indulged one's desire for sex.

It's like considering virginity as relating only to the hymen. Is a woman a virgin if she's never had vaginal sex but has had anal sex once? How about 40 times? How about multiple oral and anal and masturbation partners but not vaginally? It's be hard to consider her a "virgin."

I'm not a proponent of abstinence. But engaging in mutual masturbation is clearly not abstinence.

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman." Bill Clinton

I actually just watched this and I commented on the video as well. It didn't necessarily answer the question but here's what I put:

"The word abstinence never really applied to me. Through my entire teenage years, I wasn't attracted to anybody. I actually thought that I could have been asexual during that time and maybe I was. I'm in my 20s now and I'm starting to change. However, I'm not going to stop anything I enjoy for any reason. As long as I'm not doing anything to break the law or hurt anybody, there's no reason why I should refrain myself from doing anything."

I think the concept of abstinence is flawed. Like Dan and Jenn mention on the video, the definition is going to be different from person to person. Then you throw in moral beliefs, religious believes, cultural aspects, what we learn from parents, what we learn from school, what we see, hear, feel, and experience in society and anything else you can think of and the whole idea of what's considered sex and what's considered abstinence just become this big ball of confusion.

My take on this is to just use common sense and whatever kind of morals/ethics you live by. If you've got a conscience and you got that voice in your head telling you that it's wrong, chances are it is.

what does abstinence mean to me?
to me abstinence means that you dont have any kind of sex until your married
giving yourself an orgasm is different you arent doing anything with another person
so giving yourself an orgasm is totally fine

this ts what abstinence means to me

I think i mean self-control and to think about the outcome of every choice we make.:p

To me abstinence is the act of abstaining from sex because of religious reasons or pressure. Let me explain:

I have almost never heard of someone voluntarily abstaining from having sex for merely personal reasons. I have heard of people saying they're abstinent, but were really just going through a dry spell and I have heard other say they are abstinent after going through a personal trauma- but these usually change fast and are not truly considered abstinence to me, just taking a break (since they had previously had sex and then chose not to as an excuse or they needed time)

So to me the only true example of abstinence comes from religious pressure. Churches attempt to control their youth by arranging when they can sex on their terms (i.e. you can have sex when you have had a ceremony in one of our establishments). By saying that sex is a sin and that it should only be used to procreate or after marriage is just another social control the church puts on it's patrons, but in the end there is really no foundation to any of the bad things they say about sex.

Sure, I guess you could say that's what abstinence means, to you, but I guess you just have to figure that out for yourself. From a language point of view, abstinence, the act of abstaining, simply means you keep from doing something, so you can fill that in however you like. If I'd be abstaining in my relationship, I suppose that'd rule out anything remotely sexual, simply because we combine everything, it's not like we plan it in advance.
One time, when I just intended to make her relax a little, we ended up having sex in her basement, so abstaining to us would probably have to be completely laying off anything sexual.

I hope that's sort of the answer you were looking for?
Good luck with whatever you wanted to know for.

For me personally it would mean not having sexual intercourse...but for others the defintion varies...officially to abstain is to not do something...so in terms of sexual abstinence it is a very broad definition there being a very broad variety of sexual behaviour.

To Me abstinence is about only ever sharing your Soul with one person in your life. I sincerely believe that when you have sex with someone you are sharing not only your bodies but also a part of your soul. So what abstinence means to me is that through the act of abstaining from sex you keep yourself whole for one person who you hopefully will always have in your life.

In response to some earlier comments that some made about christian institutions controlling of people into abstinence, I think that you are right, so called "Christian" Institutions do use manipulation to encourage abstinence. While this manipulation is wrong it doesn't make abstinence wrong. It is a good thing to either choose to spend your entire life with the first person you have sex with or to keep sex until you find someone you want to spend your entire life with.

This also doesn't mean that people who have more than one partner are bad, sinful, or any other negative label. We are simply humans with desire but it is important to recognize Sex as an intensely emotional act and that we do share a piece of ourselves part of this act.

Disclaimer:
I have shared my view in response to the questioner. Not to change anyones belief. If you take time to examine your beliefs and why you have them then my post will have served its intention.

To abstain from sex until marriage. Whether or not this includes oral is a decision to be made by the people involved.

As for my personal opinion- I believe sex education in schools would serve to be more beneficial than trying to push abstinence.

I think anything that can give you an STD counts as sex.

I don't think abstinence necessarily means to abstain from sex until marriage, I think it should be to abstain from sex until you're comfortable with the idea of having it and are (physically and mentally) ready for it and the consequences if something goes wrong (like pregnancy or STD's). I've heard many married couples have problems with sex because they're either uncomfortable with it or were not completely ready for it.

I'd say abstinence is to not have any form of sex.
I dont think anyone today would just simply stop with mutual masturbation so abstinence would mean not doing anything that would/could lead to sex.

to me it means pretty much what you said. allthough i'm not sure about the oral sex part, cuz i mean even if there's mouth there's still no vaginal penetration, but i kinda get why your point of view is so.
it also means that if you are away from the person you love, that you won't do anything with anyone else, well at least that's a meaning i've seen among people.
i guess it depends on what you both want you know. if the 2 of you prefer to wait, that perfectly fine. if you prefer to do it whenever you both feel ready, and before marriage it's great. if you prefer to marry first, it's also perfectly fine.
the important thing is that you make a fair desition. no one can force the other to do something the don't want or they don't feel ready, so as long as there exist agreement between the couple, it's up to them.

I recently asked my girlfriend what she believed abstinence to be.

She stated that having Oral Anal or Vaginal sex is all considered sex and that if it was preformed you are no longer a virgin.

Yet she included another thing in her own definition. She includes fingering as having sex. So when someone has been fingered I'm assuming this can go for a male or female you are no longer considered a virgin. I discussed with her my view and belief and she still believes in her view. I dont have a problem with it but just found it strikingly odd.

Abstinence is not solely related to sex, it is just the act that most people associate it with. I take the word literally, abstinence is refraining from allowing oneself to indulge in something. Basically, being innocent from the experience one gains from participating in any act, whether sexual or not. You should abstain from cheating... practice abstinence rather than sex... Once you do try something, however, that abstinence idea is broken; you've tried it, you now know what previously you were clean from experiencing.

Same concept for being a virgin: once you try it, you're no longer a virgin in that sense. Whether it be fingering or fucking, you can no longer hold the V card once the deed is done. My opinion.

Means:
That I am not thinking clearly and have chosen to drive myself insane....lol

On a more serious side though, I see abstinence as more of a kind of commitment to oneself to disavow all practice and even thought of sex. If your not physically having sex, yet it is constantly on your mind I think it defeats the purpose of the committed decision. I think that if a person were unable to achieve the mental state of a "sexless" mind that its possible (in theory) they could create a problem for themselves. I dont want to be around someone who cant be normal upstairs because of "sex on the brain syndrome"...lol.....but then I confess, I am ignorant to this topic and have no authority on this matter....Its all theory.
In my opinion ..abstinence is not natural and goes against human nature, I know there are people out there that like to tout that sort of thing but personally, I think I get much more out of embracing all of my human qualities instead of trying to separate, lock up and store them......I dont believe kids should be having sex so young though because they are ignorant to the ramifications of those actions, in this case abstinence is temporary until maturity...again, this is natural.
Just my thoughts...

V/r..Love

i think mutual masterbation would be okay, but any kind of intercours violates abstenence.:cool:

I think that its when there is only masterbation, no one else but yourself is involve

I personally belive abstance is rather simple, no sex until you're married.

And that being a virgin, means a (real) penis has not entered your ass or vagina. As far as Oral sex is concerened, I think that could count as like, one third to one half loosing your virginity. So like, you'd be 2/3 a virgin if you did oral only. Which is why, though I'd make out or give a hand job, I'd perefer to wait till marriage. (Instead of not making him work for it by him having him put a ring on that finger. ^^) And I think you're a 'tech'ical virgin' if you were raped. (It'd be obviously not their/her/his fault)

All very simple. I'm not mainstream christian, I'm Gnostic, so I belive in a daughter of God, and am all for feminism, but I still belive waiting till marraige to lose your virginty, if you're not a virgin(Unless by rape), you shouldn't wear pure white to your wedding, and I don't think it's right to kill your (or have someone else kill) your own flesh and blood before their born, I know that's evil, excuses aside for it. (it's your son/daughter, regardless where s/he came from, if all else fails, there's adoption or foster care, or to give to a realitive who's willing). Aaaaanyways, that's just me, I'm odd. I think marriage, virginity and innocent lives are precious and not to be um...I'm not sure what the word is, but you know, disrespected? idk. Anyways, I love to rant, I even have a blog ^^= lol

Bump

Because I can lol.