what is wrong with me ?

in Love and Relationships » Relationship Advice • 3 years ago

how can i write this. well to say im a really reserved person, meaning i dont like talking to people about my problems,and i think that maby you guys can clair me up a lil, cuz right now i really don't feel good. first ill tell you a lil about me that could maby be the cause. i've been abuse when i was younger by one of my seposly friend. yes it hurted me but i just tell my self that its not my fault and that i was just not lucky and that i cant let it take over my life. I'm not the kind of girl thats looks around everywere to find someone and very often refuse when people are interested in dating me. I have to feel secured and safe.
I got dump 1 month ago by the the love of my life, he was everything to me, my first love, and I still cry alot, just like it happend yesterday. I keep questionning my self what I did wrong. It was a relationship feeled with love but its was at distance. we saw eachother every 2 weekends maby 3. He's really not the kind of guy that would cheat on someone and we desided that were abel to wait for eachother cuz we both chaired strong emotion for eachother. We saw eachother togeter in the futur. Sadly he changed, he had too many occupations and not enought time to take care of him self. He turned negative and it change the way he saw his futur.
What i think i did very wrong was something I could'nt controle. Yes we were abel to have great sex but at moments when he desired my body, my body did'nt want to. Its not that I did'nt desired him, infact I did, but my body or subconcience did'nt. He hated that and c'ant blame him for it. He felt not desired by me when it happend. I kept telling him that its not that i dont desired him, and that i did, but that i dont know why im like this. He knows about what happend to me in the pass but i dont want that to make me hate sex. I love it, yannick (the of my life), he made me feel safe, he never forced me when my body said no. I'm in good helt, im was never to tired, we could have sex whit no problems and in the same day my body says no. Even when sometimes we could have sex 4 times a day with no problems. I love it but I hate it when my body feels that way. Right now it really finished we yannick, he dosent want me back in his life, and that still really hurts, sadly i was the one that loved more. But i dont want this problem to ruined an other relationship that maby could be possible in a few years i guess.

Can you tell me why this happens to me at times?
I hate it and i really want it to stop.
I know its hard to answer and thats its not an easy question.
but plz just answer me something

from a heartbroken lil girl called (V)onica

ps... Sorry for my english, My first language is french. I tried my best to explaine my self as clair as possible.

Replies(4)

scarbowl

Re: what is wrong with me ?

3 years ago

Dear Monika,

For a reserved person you wrote a long message!:)

I think you aren't getting responses because it isn't clear what your question is.

Your english is okay and understandable. But your note is confusing.

scarbowl

rob_danje..

Re: what is wrong with me ?

3 years ago

Nothing's wrong with you. It's just natural. Sometimes you can be aroused, sometimes you can't be.
Try waiting for when you want to, then tell your partner.
It can help to become aroused by surroundings, which can lead to more frequent feelings. Just imagine how they can be used (not including much more detail on that point)

femaleorg..

It's the ancient woman inside of you.

3 years ago

100,000 years ago when humans were wandering around the African savannah, sex was a serious risk to women because childbirth could kill them. In addition, if she didn't have man with her during and after the pregnancy, her chances of dying were also very high.

So, women evovled "LMR" or "last minute resistance". This is when a woman's body says "No". Her body is saying "make sure you can trust him to stick around and take care of you if you get pregnant or else you might die."

So your response is "natural" but obviously it isn't helpful to you right now. Try saying to yourself, "I have this biological mechanism inside of myself to protect me. But, I'm in no danger because I have no intention of getting pregnant. I just want to enjoy sex." This is called "cognitive reappraisal".

Have you ever had something fly into your face and you thought it was a spider? You freaked out and started flicking the "spider" off. Then you realised it wasn't a spider, it was just a piece of thread? Your realisation turned off your fear. That's what "cognitive reappraisal" will do for you. It will turn off your fear of having sex.

sexisgood..

I used to be the same way

3 years ago

Some guys when they want sex they want it now. If you turn them down they take it personal. I used to be that way. In fact if I was with a girl for a couple weeks and she were to turn me down I would not go back. It's something that needs to be discussed. You can't solve a problem if you don't talk about it. That was my problem. In fact I was with one girl for 3 months. At the time she had one child with her. I found out three months later she had 7 kids. This bitch wasted my time. It was over with right then and there. Communication would save a lot of time and trouble. If you are seeing a girl you need to find out everything about her, because they'll not give information until later.