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What should I do? (read)

in Love and Relationships » Relationship Advice • 2 years ago

First, thank you for reading this.
I'm 15 years old, and I've just finished elementary school. There is a girl that I like, who has also finished it. Now, that we can't see each other in school, I've decided to try to go out with her sometimes. First, I'll describe our relationship a bit more.
We don't know each other too well, we've only talked few times "for real". Other chats were just some random SMS chats. During two of our "real" chats, I've noticed some signs that she may like me. Also, she looked at me often when I passed by her.
Okay, I hope that gave you some more insight in my situation.
Well, those things and some other, that I wrote up here, made me ask her out. As I'm not completely sure what she likes, I didn't ask her to watch movie together, and I didn't ask her to go for a walk, because she's kinda shy. I decided to ask her to go and run together at nearby sports centre.
As I have her phone number, and I don't have any other way to ask her anything, I've sent her message with question. She answered that running is "exactly what she needs", because she's not in best shape. According to her words, she wasn't home when I asked her that (not in city where we live), so she said she'll tell me when she's back so that we can go out. That was on 18th august.
School starts on 1st september, so I expected that she'll be back before that date. Actually, I expected her to be back before 25th august, that's when most people start preparing everything for school. Unfortunatelly, today's 30th august and she didn't reply yet. I highly doubt that she isn't home yet.
So, if you understood everything I wrote up there, I'm asking you to help, if you have any idea.

What should I do? Should I wait more, and hope that she really isn't back yet? Or I should ask her "Are you still up for running?" (or something like that)? Or something third?

Keep in mind that she is shy when you reply, please.

Thank you :)

Replies(34)

Xero

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

I suggest forgetting about running and go back to school and do what you did before. Stay in contact with her during school, and forgive her for not contacting you again. There may be things out of her control that affect her life and that's why she cannot see you.

I would suggest going for a walk in the park or something, any socializing would be best. Even chilling at the local mall would be an ok/good thing to do.

Talking is going to be the best thing to do to move forward and have a relationship with her. Just ask her once you get to know her a little more.

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Thank you for replying, but... The reason why I'm "upset" about her not responding, is, that we've both finished elementary school, and we're starting high schools now. Unfortunatelly, different high schools... So I can't meet her in school anymore. :(

Xero

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Then I would suggest contacting her after the first week of school. Or some time during the first few weeks of school. Just send something friendly, don't rush or pressure her into it.

Let her get situated with school since its going to be a big move for both of you then start trying to get things going.

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Thank you for the reply again. :)
I'll try it, sounds that it may work well.

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

I'm sorry for asking another question, probably starting to bother.
But, I think I should ask it before I do anything next.

Actually, I've ran into problem. I wanted to send her some SMS about school in about a week, but, she was quicker than me. :P She asked me "Are you alive? You're not chatting...(she meant that I'm not sending any messages to her) (well...I don't know any better word to put here instead of chatting, dunno how to translate it from my language) How's school going?"

Well...That's actually first SMS chat between the two of us that was started by her. Anyways, chat ended at the school theme. What should I do now? Should I ask her something else (like...ex.:what's your favourite movie?...just an example), or should I ask her "Is the running "deal" still up?"? :P Or should I do something third? Seems she's up for keeping the contact.

I hope you understood everything that I wrote.

Thanks in advance.

Beagle

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

I would just throw out some light-hearted fun messages. Ask her how school is going, etc. Tell her "School's going [great,horrible,boring] for me" or whatever. If she's interested, she'll keep up the conversation. I would recommend slow and cautious in this situation. You don't know why she stopped messaging for a time, but it's probably emotionally sensitive. I would send a few "happy-fun" texts before mentioning getting together. If she replies and is positive, then I would suggest the running thing.

Xero

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Beagle has the right idea on this one.

Keep the conversations neutral/fun for now, then after awhile try to plan a get together.

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Well, I did that already, replied as soon as she posted her first SMS. She continued to reply, then the chat ended as we were both "out of" "school" questions. :P Guess that means I could ask her about running, or first strike some random chat, as she seemed pretty positive about it last time.

Thank you both, again. :)

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Originally posted by: Kega
She asked me "Are you alive? You're not chatting...(she meant that I'm not sending any messages to her) (well...I don't know any better word to put here instead of chatting, dunno how to translate it from my language) How's school going?"

I wish I had seen this thread earlier. My response would've been something along the lines of something like this: "I died for a while and your message to me brought me back to life." It may sound a little bit on the smartass side I guess that's because I tend to be one sometimes. If the person has a sense of humor, he/she might enjoy it too but if he/she doesn't, then too bad for him/her.

Anyways, I don't see any reason for you not to ask her about the "running date." The worst thing she could say is no and seeing as how she messaged you first, it seems she enjoys your company.

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Thank you for answering too, but I highly doubt that I'd send her response like that. :P We're still not on that "level" of friendship, unfortunatelly.

Well, there's a new problem, which looks like a dead end to me. We did go on a "date" (the running one). We were mostly walking, as I was expecting, because we probably both knew that I'm not inviting her to run, but to talk, and things. :P We were on sports centre for about 2.5hrs. We were talking quite normally, nothing special, I liked the way the chat went... When we were comming back home, I've noticed that she is "closing" in chat more and more, as she didn't speak much, she was mostly only answering my questions. Well... That wouldn't be strange if nothing happened later, but, when I asked her to go running again in two weeks, she answered about 10-15mins later with "I would be glad to go, but I can't. :( Have too much to study for this week."
I've sent her few more messages, she answered, and then chat "died". :P The strange thing is: the first answer from her took about 10-15mins, like I've said (Like she was creating some excuse or something.)
Then, I asked her again this weekend (again, two weeks since last I asked), and I didn't get response yet. I'm wondering why... Seems like she saw something on first "date" that she really doesn't like on me, maybe it just pushes her away, or something...

What do you guys think? And what should I do now?

Hope you understood everything I wanted to say. :)

Thanks in advance.

Xero

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Give her some time and do things normally.

I think you might be chasing too hard where you will push her too far.

Giver her some space and just go on normally with your life, and do normal things that you would do with her.

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

If I understood what you wanted to say, here's my answer. (Actually, first: thank you for reading and replying.)

I was planning not to invite her next few months if she doesn't answer / says no for some reason.
But... What do you mean by "Normal things"? As I've said earlier, I didn't really have some real interactions with her. (By normal interactions I mean: some friendly going together somewhere, chatting under normal conditions, not only when we are bond together by some activity). Don't know anything "normal" that I could do with her, but I've decided to, when few months pass, ask her for a walk / something similar, but not running.

Xero

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

By normal I meant do things that you would do with her on average, it doesn't have to be anything special or out of your way. This way she gets conferable with you. Just don't be too friendly so you don't get railed into the friends zone.

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Okay, thanks for the advice. :) For now, I think walk suits that description well. (Can't really think of something else like that at the moment, but simple walk sounds fine to me.)

By the way, what do you think about the time I decided to wait? Should I ask her soon, or in about few months (or more)?

Xero

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Ok first you need to catch me up to speed.

Your first post was back in AUG. and its now late OCT. So this information is kind of out dated.

Its been two months what do you do with her now?

Do you see her on a regular basis?
Are you too friends?
How often (guess) do you hang out?
Are there any signs that she likes you?(anything out of the ordinary)

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Actually, the main problem now is that the info that I posted in August hasn't changed too much.

Only thing I've managed to do since then is to go out for some running with her (as I've said, we were mostly walking and talking actually, not running). That lasted for about 2.5 or 3 hrs and then we went home. There were some signs that she may like me (she looked at me most of the time while we were "running", she smiled a lot, and so on).

Since then I was trying to get another "date" with her, but once (as I've explained before) she refused me with excuse that she had too much to study (which may be true, but also may be a fake excuse), and now she didn't answer (didn't see her posting anything new on Facebook either since I've asked her, like she's too bussy or something).

I don't see her, let's say, at all. We don't go to same schools, so I may only "bump" into her by accident. (But, we were going in same primary school last year, so we were seeing each other almost every day, tho we didn't chat, like I've explained before)

Well, I think we're considered friends, just not close friends. You know, we're friends that don't see each other too often. :P

We hang out... Well, my first, and so far last real hanging out with her was on... Think it was 26th September. So, we're not hanging out at all (well, almost... I'm currently trying to fix that problem by inviting her).

Xero

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

I would call/text her ONCE and ask her if she would like to do something some time.

You can figure out that "what" later.

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

I'm sorry, but, I'm not native speaker of English language, so I didn't really understand what you wanted to say. :(

Also, I must say that after few days of not appearing on facebook, she wrote status "My beloved children... and Stefan :D" (just, she didn't type it in English, but Serbian :P)... Stefan is friend of her (atleast that's what I could figure out so far about him), but that status just made me think: maybe she likes somebody else.

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Seems that I've confused you with my last post. I've figured out what you wanted to say (a bit later), and here's what was my point: is it possible that those "signs" that I've "read" as signs that she likes me are just product of her friendly personality (in other words: can those signs just be "fakes"?).

Anyways, I've been thinking about "playing the last card" - going straight and telling her that I like her. Is it a good idea? I thought I may tell her (unfortunatelly, I can only do this using e-mail or something, because it seems I can't really get another meeting with her at the moment - I can't tell her that in person) that I like her (not love her, just like her) and, because of that, I would like to know her much more than I do at the moment. May that work, or I should just be patient and ask her out later (in few months)?

Xero

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

This is going to be hard.

I would recommend asking her in person because e-mail and such don't work out that great.

But you can try it. A friend got a e-mail and he tried it and now hes engaged to the girl (crazy wierd world).

If e-mail is your last chance then please do.

Make it something like.

Hey, how is everything. I dont want to sound like a creep or weird but would you like to go out on a date with me? I really like you, if you dont want to that's ok and I understand.

Sincerely (your name here)

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Thanks for the tip. And, yes - I think that it's pretty much my last choice, the e-mail one.

But.. I've been thinking about longer, and a bit different message. In my opinion - short message means that you don't appreciate the person you're writing to. /:

Xero

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Ok, thats fine.

Toss your message here so I can take a look at it if you don't mind.

When your done with it.

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Will do, in about 12 hours. Thank you for your time spent reading and answering my posts (again).

Xero

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Its not a problem.

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

I'm sorry for not posting this when I said I will, but it's because I couldn't get some time alone to write it yesterday.
Anyways, the basic idea would be: "Well, you've probably noticed this already, but I'll tell you anyway.

The reason why I wanted to know you better is because I like you (liking someone isn't same as loving). I wanted to tell you this in person when if we met a bit better, but, as I couldn't get another chance to meet with you, I had to say it like this.
I don't expect any answer, but I'm hoping to get one. You have limitless time to think."
I would probably put a question in the end like "So, would you like to know me better?" or something like that, but maybe it's even better to leave it like this and see how she responds.
Correct my "mail" wherever you think I've put something wrong or something that's not needed to be there.

Xero

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Originally posted by: Kega

(could use an introduction here like hello, or hi,)

The reason why I wanted to know you better is because I like you (liking someone isn't same as loving). <-- Take this out

I wanted to tell you this in person when if we met a bit better, but, as I couldn't get another chance to meet with you, I had to say it like this.
I don't expect any answer, but I'm hoping to get one. You have limitless time to think. (remove this as well)

I would probably put a question in the end like:

I like you and would like to know more about you. Contact me back if your interested.

Take a look at this and see what you think, you can tweak it more until we get a good final product.

Beagle

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Kega: You're getting good advice. I hope you're listening.

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Well, I agree with you about all the things you've put as changes there, and I accept them, except one: the "(liking someone isn't same as loving)" part.
The reason why I think it should be there is that if she doesn't "accept" my "suggestion" (or whatever you want to call it), I wouldn't like to look like some nerd going around her and waiting for her to look at me. I just want to make sure that she gets real picture about my feelings for her - I'm not madly in love with her. That's all. If you really think that it's not good to put it there (even after reading my reason), say it :) I'll rather trust your experience than my own judgements.

Thanks.

Xero

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

(could use an introduction here like hello, or hi,)

The reason why I wanted to know you better is because I like you.

I wanted to tell you this in person when if we met a bit better, but, as I couldn't get another chance to meet with you, I had to say it like this.
I don't expect any answer, but I'm hoping to get one.

I like you and would like to know more about you.Contact me back if your interested. If not we can just stay friends.

I added what I think would be good to say at the end.

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Aha, I see. It fits my thoughts. And you also think that the "I don't expect answer, but I'm hoping to get one" part can stay?

Xero

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Even though it may sound a bit off it sounds completely fine to me.

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Okay, thank you for your time and help. I appreciate it very much. :) I think that those advices should do it. I'll send the mail with such construction when I think it's best time.
I'll inform you whether it was successful or not, when I get the answer.

Thank you once again.

Xero

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Ok, thats cool if you have any further questions just ask.

I wouldn't wait for ever though she may find someone you never know what can happen.

Re: What should I do? (read)

2 years ago

Well, I thought that school holiday may be the best time to send it, as she won't be bussy with studying and we'll have more time to meet better, if she accepts. But, thanks for the tip.