Why can't I say "I'm gay"

in Sex and Intimacy » Gay / Lesbian Sex and Dating • 3 years ago

Okay, so I grew up in a REALLY fundamentalist Christian house, which was REALLY not accepting of gay or lesbian people. In fact, I didn't ever consider the fact that I might be a lesbian, just that I had a "problem" that I liked girls. I obviously kept this fact strictly to myself. I dated a few guys, but didn't really enjoy myself.

Now, I'm dating this really, really wonderful girl, who I'm totally in love with, but I'm still having so many internal struggles with it. I'm having real difficulty with saying things like "I'm gay". My girlfriend wants to go to the Pride Parade, and so do I, but I'm really nervous about identifying myself. I'm worried that if the really Christian people in my life ever found out, they would start really looking down on me, or even not talk to me any more.

My question is how have other people dealt with being religious and gay? Is the kind of internal struggle I've talked about typical? How can I minimize the "crisis" when (if) I talk to my religious parents about who I am? Also, how can I be dating such a wonderful person and still find it difficult to say things like, "I'm gay, and this is my girlfriend"?

Replies(2)

quitex

Re: Why can't I say "I'm gay"

3 years ago

Oooh! Dear, same issue here. My dad is a very conservative catholic. The most important thing you should do now is to understand that being gay is not an issue nor a problem or a defect. It is the way you are. And yo can be gay and christian. I am :) I broke that barrier understand that if "God made me personally, then he made me gay, then he loves me and wants me to be happy being gay". And if your christian friends and family will disown you, remind them that John 4:8 says "God is Love" and if they are friends with God, then should learn to love and tolerate other people.

Gah. Gotta go off the computer. I will put a very detailed post about this in an hour or so. Promise!

quitex

Re: Why can't I say "I'm gay"

3 years ago

Ok, I am back.

I want to write a little more about my experience.
I had (or, have) a very similar struggle. I don't know even how to tell my dad yet, but I don't have a rush to do it. I understand that they are your parents, however if you are going to create them pain, and therefore create you pain as well, why tell them? Wait, give them hints and show them how a good person you are. I am doing that with my dad and hopefully everything will be ok. And also waiting until you are totally independent from them is something wise to do, just in case they kick you out of your house. IF THEY REACT BADLY, YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND IT IS THEIR PROBLEM, NOT YOURS (caps for emphasis)

Also, how can I be dating such a wonderful person and still find it difficult to say things like, "I'm gay, and this is my girlfriend"?

You might.... you are comfortable with her and you really like her, however you might not be that comfortable with yourself to be "out" and have no struggles when talking about it. Also consider the fact that the fear you have about your church friends and family of disowning and rejecting you is a huge barrier that will block you from saying "I'm gay" and "this is my girlfriend". Work hard, have patience and love yourself. I am sure your girlfriend will support you in everything, so make sure you talk with her about what you're going through . :)

Good luck, and if you want to talk about anything, I am here to help in everything I can. :)
-Jean.

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