Ask Dan & Jennifer

My thoughts are all over the place on this.
I think it’s sad that parents are not educating their kids on sex. They are missing a wonderful opportunity to bond with their children. They are missing a chance to instill the values they hold and on and on.

---But –
Then I think its better that schools do it to get legit information to the children. Parents these days can be so misinformed. All you have to do is watch an episode of “Cops” or any reality show and see grown ups today that don’t have an ounce of common sense but still parent one child after another.

---But-
Do we really want schools teaching our kids something we disagree with? What if I want to encourage abstinence in my child? If the schools telling them differently isn’t that wrong?


I really don’t know which is best. :confused:

Hugs and Hissessss,
Maria

My daughter is 7. She found my stash of sex toys this year and asked me what they were for. When she was 5 I told her they were door stops and paperweights, but this time I decided that she was old enough to know the truth, so I took a deep breath and explained dildos, vibrators and butt plugs to her.

She was so excited to learn the truth! She lit up and gave me a big hug and said, "This is great mom, I'm learning so much, thank you!" I mean she got that we bonded and that I trusted her with this very special knowledge. I told her she could check it all out herself when she is a teenager, and I also told her not to discuss it at school, just like I tell her not to cuss at school.

I'm glad she knows that pleasure and masturbation are healthy, and that grown ups have toys, too!

Do we really want schools teaching our kids something we disagree with? What if I want to encourage abstinence in my child? If the schools telling them differently isn’t that wrong?

My response to this issue is that if we want our religious and moral preferences instilled in our children's education, then we should send them to a religious based school.

Public school should be independent of any and all religious preferences and should teach the facts about sexuality so that our children can make intelligent decisions about their sexuality based on fact not prejudice.

This is where we as parents have to step up and teach our children the moral standards that we want them to uphold.

:)
--j

Having the advantage of not being too far removed from adolescense myself I have some strong feelings on this. The school system I went to was big on the test scores and state rankings, not on actually teaching us anything useful. When I was in 4th grade the class had a field trip to a health museum for sex ed. My mom felt I was too young (also just got out of a religious school) and decided not to sign the slip so I stayed home. (But I got the info from my friends who did attend) She gave me some info, but not much... instead I found information in her text books from college (she's in the medical field) and saw pictures of diseases and descriptions... but the wording was for graduate students, not elementary kids. I was so craving information on the topic of sex that I sneeked peeks at my aunt's magazines (she sold toys with a friend) and strangely felt intrigued at it. By the time I got into high school health class I had gotten so much wrong information from the sources I had, mostly friends at school, that health class wasn't much help.. they barely talked about safety.. just said "Don't do it, but if you are going to, use a condom" never showing us how to use one, or how to properly use them... I got out lucky without getting anything,(though I can say the abstinence only talk didn't help me!) but just the kids I was friends with I knew a number who got some form of STD... this is horrible!

By the time I was a junior there was a movement within the county health department to change things. I became a peer educator and attended biweekly training sessions taught by therapists, doctors, nurses, and sexual health professionals. What a relief to get real, true information. They then had all of us peer educators go to the elementary and middle schools to talk about age-appropriate topics. I think those kids walked away with much better information than we ever got. As far as I know they're still doing the peer education system as well as cirriculum based teaching.

It is important for kids to get the correct information. Parents need to be educated too. I think kids need to get the information from home and school. They're smarter than most people give them credit for, they can make educated decisions for themselves when given credible information.

Sorry for getting long-winded.. I'll step off my soapbox now.

Sex Ed is just as, if not more, important as the 3 Rs for surviving in todays world. It should be part of earning the diploma. No passing the class- no diploma! If parents have a gripe with that, then they should home school. We do not want to pay for their child's ignorance. Having ignorate graduates is a huge financial burden to all of the nation. For the life of me, I cannot figure out how these parents are associating sexuality with immorality! Especially when an STD can mean their childs death!

What's next? No science in the classroom?
School boards would never ban science or evolution, or would they?! If the extreme right realized how similar their behavior was to the Taliban, maybe they would get a clue! Sometimes it feels like we are all living in that movie Footloose. I hope I don't get stoned for dancing.

Good job “Beautiful Kind”

If you don’t mind :D let’s give this argument a run shall we…

Originally posted by: Dan And Jennifer
My response to this issue is that if we want our religious and moral preferences instilled in our children's education, then we should send them to a religious based school…..

A response to this may be that a taxpayer has the right to send their child to the school of their choice. The taxpayer agrees that the school should not teach religion but not teach something that contradicts the individual taxpayer’s faith. Let them teach on STD’s, let them teach on how the “plumbing” works, let them teach on safe sex but keep the rest out. These are essential in the world today. But do not teach pro homosexual or anti-homosexual things, do not teach pro choice or pro life things, you can teach birth control but you do not have to give the kids condoms. That is the area that belong to the parents.

Originally posted by: Dan And Jennifer
…
Public school should be independent of any and all religious preferences and should teach the facts about sexuality so that our children can make intelligent decisions about their sexuality based on fact not prejudice.….

This argument is what facts will be taught?
The religious stance is often that without religion there is no right or wrong thus the increase of violence and sexual activity. Without religion right and wrong are relative. Making the parents concerned with just who’s’ relativism is being taught. If I read the statistics correctly back when religion was in schools crime and unwanted pregnancies were low. Chewing gun was the biggest problem in schools. Have we really bettered our children’s education by removing Christian based morals of right and wrong?


I really don’t know which way is better.
Hugs and Hissessss,
Maria.

Wow! What a great, thought-provoking question.

I don't know the right answer here. I know that if I had kids, I would want to talk to them about sex when I felt like they were ready to hear it... and I would want to talk through safety, respect, emotional health, consequences, pleasure, experimenting, and basically everything with them.

This is just me... but I would rather talk to them myself than to have a teacher educate them. I feel like that's my privilege as a guardian of a child, and it's such an important topic that I don't want it anyone else's hands.

I feel like there should be levels of sex-ed in schools, maybe. Like... a parent can review their sex-ed curriculum as part of the general school material and that helps make their decision.

I don't want my kid to go to a Christian school, because I feel that spirituality is again something I want to talk thoroughly through with my child... but that doesn't mean that I want them to hear about all things considered "non-religious" at school.

So what about all the parents out there who DON'T want to talk about sex? Well... this is where I fumble a bit.

I still believe in the parent's right to raise their child how they want to... for the most part. If a parent's beliefs - whether faith based or simply health based - is to teach abstinence, that right of theirs to parent their child should be protected at school.

Which leads me back to different levels of education. I would love to see parents being able to "approve" many different levels of sex-ed, and choose the appropriate class for their child. Wishful thinking, I'm sure, but most of the way I feel about our public school system is wishful thinking.

But as for honesty, which is the root question... yes. I think all sex-ed should be honest. Whatever the level of disclosure, it should be honest.

And while I think abstinence should always be included as an option, I think it is definitely an injustice to not go into the details of what happens should you decide to have sex.

I feel like I'm going in circles. I'm protective of my rights as a future parent... and yet so aware that some kids don't have parents who care about this area of parenting.

Bethany

Again, just my view point... but if I were teaching my kids abstinence, I would make sure they knew why. And they would be well-versed about the whole subject.

I'd have a good reason for abstinence, and it would be based on the facts surrounding the entire subject, not based on ignorance. I would want my child to know so much that they might see the value in choosing that. So I guess I wouldn't care if they got detailed sex-ed at school, because I'd have already taught them that at home.

And if all parents got to review sex-ed material at time of registration, there would be no outraged parents showing up picketing at the sex-ed classes.

Okay where to start on this issue, first let me say I have NOT read any other replies yet. What I do feel is very telling in the numbers. We have taught abstinence in the schools and for the first time in 12 years the number of teen pregnancies is on the rise. Until roughly two years ago the group with the highest number of new HIV positive cases was teen girls. I think we have time and again demonstrated that whenever there is a high level of clear concise and accurate sexual information for our children the number of std's goes down, the number of teen pregnancies goes down, the longer children wait to have sex, and I think truly ultimately the more fulfilling and rewarding their sex lives are when they DO choose to initiate sex. I think the most frustrating thing for my partner, who is a teacher, is to have girls in their early teen years coming up to ask her questions about their bodies because they have had no education, and her very frustratedly coming home screaming about why she is forbidden at times to answer even the simplest questions. I admit that on a few occasions I know she's gone out of her way to do her best to point them in the right direction be it books at the local library or whatever. It's absolutely infuriating, I admit we keep our daughter as fully informed as her mind and heart could possibly want and I do think and feel she's better for it, and hope that through her life it will give her joy. SOOOO long reply but I am VERY passionate about wanting our children to be as informed and safe as they possibly could.

well as a married couple of 12 yrs and 2 kids both a girl and a boy in school now

the way we look at the whole thing is no matter what anyones take one the issue
it still comes down to the one thing no one can do for you
and that is to choose the route that best fits your family and your kids
and only you will know that no one else.

but ultimately it is your choice as a parent to do the right thing for your kids
so as to build a strong open communicating relationship with your kids
so they will grow into strong and responsible adults.


i do think it is equally important for your kids to know and understand the emotional risks they will deal with as well as the physical ones
so much information on the disease and pregnancy
but nothing on the emotional setbacks it could cause if not chosen to do for the right reasons.

nothing is wrong or right
wisdom comes from the choices we make (whether bad or good)

just our feelings,
thanks,
bryan and pam

Guys, this was such a great topic we did a full live show on it, covering all the different angles - and yes, it's pretty controversial. But this is a topic we're very passionate about.

So what do YOU think? Watch the full segment here...

Sex Education - Who's REALLY Responsible?

Originally posted by: SnakeBabe
My thoughts are all over the place on this.
I think it’s sad that parents are not educating their kids on sex. They are missing a wonderful opportunity to bond with their children. They are missing a chance to instill the values they hold and on and on.

I agree completely with you on this. If I ever have kids (which to be honest would be surprising) I know I'd teach them everything about sex, when they hit puberty, so I know that they will be safe and secure. To be fair, I don't think a teenager having sex is wrong if they are both well-informed.

---But –
Then I think its better that schools do it to get legit information to the children. Parents these days can be so misinformed. All you have to do is watch an episode of “Cops” or any reality show and see grown ups today that don’t have an ounce of common sense but still parent one child after another.

Well, I sort of disagree with you here. At this point in time, schools are required to have a sex education class, but forgive me if I am wrong, most if not all are required to teach abstinence and even downright lies in order to instill fear, a measure of control.

The parents may not always be perfect, but it is their kids, not anyone else's. Unless they deliberately harm them, it's none of our business.

Originally posted by: bethanysmith
Again, just my view point... but if I were teaching my kids abstinence, I would make sure they knew why. And they would be well-versed about the whole subject.

I'd have a good reason for abstinence, and it would be based on the facts surrounding the entire subject, not based on ignorance. I would want my child to know so much that they might see the value in choosing that. So I guess I wouldn't care if they got detailed sex-ed at school, because I'd have already taught them that at home.

And if all parents got to review sex-ed material at time of registration, there would be no outraged parents showing up picketing at the sex-ed classes.

Abstinence to be fair makes no more sense when you're 30, as it does when you're 14, SO LONG as you are well informed. If so, your risks will not increase or decrease the older you get, so why wait? It's a basic human function that gives tremendous mutual pleasure and intimacy between you and your partner. Why would we consider this bad?

Yes, it's risky, if you don't take the necessary precautions, but beyond that it's no worse than, for say, driving a car.

Originally posted by: Dan And Jennifer
My response to this issue is that if we want our religious and moral preferences instilled in our children's education, then we should send them to a religious based school.

Public school should be independent of any and all religious preferences and should teach the facts about sexuality so that our children can make intelligent decisions about their sexuality based on fact not prejudice.

This is where we as parents have to step up and teach our children the moral standards that we want them to uphold.

:)
--j

Yeah, complications and burdens are the nature of public schooling, which is why I'd only ever home school my kid.

You know, I'm really not one for talk shows, but there is one morning talk show I've become a fan of, and that's The Morning Show with Mike and Juliet. Today they had a very interesting debate that I feel goes right along with this quite nicely, though at a different angle completely.

I apologize for not having the title of the book or the authors' (and MDs) names.. if anyone out there saw it and can help, please do... but they argue that when an adolescent has casual sex, the hormones released as well as the dopamine, flood the brain and the neuro pathways, and over time actually destroy the synapses that would cause a love relationship. An adolescent girl who lives and promotes abstinence agrees and says she's saving her wedding night for sex to make it special...

However, another MD says this research was flawed and misconstrued and says that teenagers who have sex are no different from adults who have sex. He also goes on to say that couples who were married in their teens have a much lower divorce rate than couples who marry even in their 20's or older... saying this is proof that sex at a young age does not destroy any neuro pathways or in any way inhibit a person from having a loving relationship. A young lady who began having sex at age 15 agrees with this guy. She says she was not ruined by having casual sex or not able to love now...

Now, my question is, how can schools, or parents, give teenagers "true" info if the doctors can't even agree on it!? But, by the same token, I believe that if kids get educated info both at home and at school, they can decide for themselves what to believe... although this then brings up the question of whether or not that teen is mature enough to make educated decisions for themselves. This is an individual thing, some kids are way more mature than some adults by age 15, others aren't even acting their age at 21... so this is a different matter.
However, it really comes down to the more information (educated information, not "if you have sex before you marry your privates will shrivel up and fall off" type stuff) kids get, the better. I mean, don't parents and schools both teach pre-schoolers and young grade schoolers to treat others as they want to be treated, and to respect others? It sticks better if its hit from multiple places...

Well, I think it comes down to common sense. When puberty hit, our body changes to accommodate for sex, and that is also one reason why our hormones go crazy and we become interested in the opposite sex.

Now if having sex at a young age (but after puberty) was actually harmful in the long run, why would our bodies encourage us to go for sex? It doesn't make much sense to me. No, I think listening to our own bodies signals is more accurate than some random doctor, at least in this case. ;)

Well as a sex ed teacher my self. I really think not only should they learn it in school, but also parents should talk to there kids. Since I started teaching High School sex ed, Ive seen how many parents dont talk to there kids about sex ed. Like I'll be talking to my students about something sex related and they dont know what Im talking about. Then when I ask them have they talk to there parents about sex, most of them say no. I have kids come up to me after class, before or after school and come to me asking me for advice, like where can I get tested to STDs. Ive had a couple students need my help tell there parents there pregant. So really my opinion is parents should talk to there kids about sex more.

Ok I have a ton of thoughts on this subject so bear with me.

First of all I think that kids should have Sex Education from BOTH home and school.

Parents, you need to inform yourselves. Be well versed in basic sex education, reproduction, contraception, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, the consequences of being sexually active both emotionally and physically. Talk with your kids "when they hit puberty!" not when they're 16, THEY KNOW IT ALL by then. By then its too late. Educate them first so they can make educated decisions with the morals you have instilled in them.

And Schools. TEACH!!!!! TEACH!!!!! TEACH!!!! Not all parents are going to tell their kids the facts about sex. There needs to be a system to catch those who don't learn at home. First the basics.then into the touchier subjects.

Classes should be taught with pictures, videos, diagrams, statistics, lectures, guest speakers anything and everything to get the information across.

1. The difference in men and women, and their roles in sex.
2. What sex is. Its physical (reproduction) and emotional (relationships) purpose in human society,
(no need to have a "sex" chapter, they can learn positions, timing ext on their own... we are not about to show 12-14 year olds porn!!!)
3. CONTRACEPTION!!!!!!
4. Pregnancy the process.
5. Pregnancy the options. Give birth (keep the child), Give up for adoption, abortion.

LET IT BE KNOWN! when I say abortion education I mean ABORTION education. The different types of abortions, how they work, the concequences and most importantly that you can say NO to ANYONE, YES even your parents. No one can force a minor to have an abortion it IS your choice and ONLY your choice. Dont let anyone bully you into something you dont want to do. You have the legal right to keep your baby AGAINST your parents wishes even if you are a minor.

Now as you can probably tell I am pro life. But I think that in an educational environment that kids should learn about but not be sway'd towards either side.

no Pro life is best, no Abortion is wrong. Just the facts.

JUST THE FACTS

thanks for listening
^_^

While it is certainly true no one can force a child to have an abortion ( NOR SHOULD THEY ) the way you phrase that statement is pro-abortion or pro-life IS already swaying them, the term pro-choice in my case is just that. Because of medical complications I can no longer have children, I have a wonderful daughter and I cannot imagine her ever being unwanted, nor can I imagine giving up my child, I absolutely support the right for these young adults to be able to make that choice for themselves, they shouldn't be forced to have an abortion they don't want, but they should never be forced to keep a child they don't want and aren't ready to have.
And just as you say not even a parent should be able to force them to have an abortion, neither should they be forced even by a parent to keep that child.
Just my opinion.

Yes, you're right. Just like no one can force a minor to have an abortion. No one can force them to keep the child either. It is their choice.
But young teens a lot of times don't know that. They're never actually told your parents cant make you.
Thats all I wanted to get across. I have a very close friend who was pressured into an abortion (by her parents), she is now 39 and regrets it to this day. i don't want others to feel the way she did.

I remember running headlong into this issue about three years ago. A member of the church youth group came up and asked me a sexually related question -- it involved masturbation and the immedaite thing I did was asked them to ask their parents. They responded that they did and that the parents had asked the child to ask me which I confirmed. With that (I never engage an issue of a sensitive nature with children without parental approval or presence) I went forward and laid out my views on the subject. My view is that if it is done without lust and thus does not violate Jesus commands in Matthew 5 (yes it is possible) then it is OK. Believe it or not I am not the only Christian that holds this view.:)

The Parents went ballistic.:mad: They wanted me to tell the child that it was always wrong. For myself it caused me to change my policy to making sure I talk with the parents first and tell them what I am going to say before I tell the child. I also now ask for the background of the child because it is a factor. In this case a teenage girl who had been sexually abused by her father and was adopted by the parents in question. This makes any sexual question a bomb to be carefully handled -- Live and learn.

1. One thing to think on is that most parents were part of the pervious sexual education system that was terrible so their knowledge is very bad.

2. Most religious people of all types have a very poor understanding of what their religion actually teaches about human sexuality. They often know the don'ts but do not know the dos of sexuality for their religion or where their religion is completely silent. In the example above, the parents were completely oblivious to the fact the Bible actually says nothing about masturbation and that it is actually a matter of conscience even in Chrsitian circles. Their assumption was that if they were against it the Bible must be too.

3. If we are going to educate about sex in schools then I want all the facts laid out. When I was in school the whole condom thing was the issue. Every sex teacher was telling kids that condoms were going to solove all our problems and there was no problems with condomns. BS -- condoms have a failure rate and there was one thing about them that they didn't tell us in school but I found out later with my wife -- they deaden sexual pleasure for the man. At least it did for me. Every birth control method has its pros and cons and they need to be mentioned.

4. Abortion -- fine tell people about it, but I want the cons of it put up as well -- it is not an end all answer either. I don't know how many women I counseled that had an abortion that suffered from depression afterwards (5 to 7 years afterward) but it was a lot and it has physical risks -- tell the girl these things. Some girls went to legit clinics and things go wrong (just because we have moved from the alleys does not mean that they are not still risks to procedures) The full truth and nothing but the truth. Good, Bad and Ugly. I am against abortion but I am not ignorant that people are not going to share this belief, I just want people to be fully informed. Even some feminists are beginning to see there are drawbacks and health risks to abortion.

5. For a parent to truly educate a child on their sexual values they need to be honest about sexuality. I remember when my oldest first asked an intelligent quesiton about sex -- where do babies come from? I gave him an truthful intelligent answer. Why? If you get nabbed lying by you kids about this then they are not going to listen to your values on the subject because they will still think you might be lying. Because of what I did I have always been able to talk to him about any subject including sex -- the same for the other two. Of my three kids two of them have made very firm commitments to not engage in sex until marriage and they have intelligent reasons for doing so based on THEIR OWN convictions. They also have the rest of the knowledge they need as well once they are married. The third one -- well the jury is still out but he knows where I stand and he can't say I kept something from him.

6. The advice to just have a parent send a child to a religious school if they want those values taught may not always be practical ($$$) so some religious allowences should be made. The key word in public school is public and that is also their responsbility. That public includes religious people. They shoud still respect a parent that does not want to have their kid go through the education or avoid certain parts of it. They should be allowed to pull them if that is their wish. Forced education is always lousy anyway. I my case I let my kids have all of it and then discussed it with them at home. I personally think this is the best way.;)

IMHO

It's not the schools' job to teach anything. They're not responsible for any of your children, you as parents are. It's your REAL f*cking job.

I see this topic almost everywhere every-so-often and I get just sick of it. So excuse me if I get out of line, I've experienced it first hand. For everybody's sake, can we just put a stake in it?

Schools, when you look at it, are a business. Owned and operated by the Feds, State, and local beurocrats who decide what they want you to know. They make money on just attendance - the teachers get paid, they run campaignes to have kids sell "magazines or candy". They make voluntary or semi-voluntary slave labor out of them before they're even old enough to know better.

All throughout my "indoctrination-education" I felt I was being lied to all over. They distort history (www.trueworldhistory.info), real life events (Alex Jones' Infowars: There's a war on for your mind!), they don't teach any useful life skills (sex-ed, how to file taxes, the fact taxing is ILLEGAL and you're "voluntarily coursed into it anyhow, etc), or any other useful, personal-growth, or encouraging themes. It was all about outperforming the next kid. Oh, no! We need to oust China, or Germany or some shit like that.

Now comes nothing but indecision. Nobody knows what's where, or what's going on or about to happen. Why? A small group wants it that way. And now they want schools to regulate and facilitate what shots you supposedly need through your life! Too much to share here. Going back to topic...

As said, this is a PARENT thing. Not a INDOCTRINE thing. I hear every generation say "We're going to fix things, and make the world right". Thus far, nothing but more of the same. NO CHANGE. ALL TALK. Since you're all so good at it, and we're all using this internet to do it, I think that sex-education is coming around. This wonderful tool is at almost everybody's disposal. If the proper website can teach and maintain good principles like this, it'd be great.

Maybe start a http://www.sex.edu site. And make it THE destination for true, intellegent, informed... well, information.

Footnote:
*At the time of this post, the last link is only an EXAMPLE.

Love the videos. Sex education must start at home, and it should be honestly relayed because as we know, false and misleading information could bring worse results. Proper awareness goes a long way, so as much as possible every aspect of sex and its hazards (especially STD's and self inflicted ones like excessive masturbation side effects) are covered. Let no stone unturned if you can.

Definitely.
For the years of my life, right up until a year ago, I thought I was heterosexual. I knew I liked women, and there were too many homosexual predujices. I'll admit, I was always interested in some men though, but seeing as I liked some females, I thought I was heterosexual. why? No one had told me the smallest thing about sexual orientation. I didn't know bisexuality was even possible, I didn't think bigender or even transgender existed. I thought it was clear cut gays-are-wrong and you're either homosexual or heterosexual.
That's part one. On the subject of direct sexual education, still yes. I thought babies appeared out of thin air, the vagina was in fact another name for the anus etc. etc.
The real problem is, no one says the slightest thing to my knowledge. Some teenagers look up porn simply out of curiosity, and they don't know it's wrong, to some people at least. You can't blame someone for doing something they don't know anything about.