Ask Dan & Jennifer

Originally posted by: JJMA
Hello,

Since we have had our first child, every time I go down on my wife I get to a certain point and she stops me and says that it makes her feel like she has to go pee. After doing some searching on the net some sites say that this may be female ejaculate building up. Some sights say that this is not possible. Is this true or should I be worried that she really has to pee? What is the best way to bring this up and have her feel okay about it? Do we need to get plastic sheets?

When we first started dating I would bring her to orgasm regularly but I haven't been able to for a long time. I have gotten the feeling that she doesn't enjoy sex anymore which makes me not enjoy sex as much. In a way I have turned to masturbation more and we've lost a lot of passion. We also have another kid on the way in November so I'm not sure when we will have sex again. I am working on the masturbation and I have put some rules in place for myself so I don't do it as often.

I want my wife to enjoy sex again, but I don't know how. Any advice will be helpful.

Thanks

...when i was pregnant my husband would tell how beautiful i was and what a beautiftul baby we will have[compliments!].I felt uncomfortable in clothes,so he talked me into staying nude,always touching my belly,among everything else.we never stopped having sex.he also shaved me[pubic],as he said i will need to anyway for the baby.he kept me[say horny] about my body and the baby.after having the baby I knew he masturbated for that month or so and I asked if i could do it for him or watch.nothing wrong with that.....as for the first part ,her having to pee i once shot a stream of urine out when he performed oral on me.i usually only ejaculate when he is using his fingers massaging my g-spot and clitoris at the same time.my husband spends alot of time fondling,kissing before he dives down there.I'm bi and once I was performing oral on her in the shower,she pulled me up just before she started to urinate.she was embarrassed,when she finished I continued oral on her.sometimes things happen,it's only urine....As for bringing back passion[compliments,flowers,romantic dinners,nude massages,etc].all you can do is try.if it doesn't work give us a holler.

Thanks for your response.

It was very different with our first pregnency. We had sex a lot more because it seemed like we had more time. With a 1 and 1/2 year old son around and her being 6 months pregnant she doesn't seem to have the desire. I also have not been trying very hard either so it is not her fault by any means.

I guess I'm more concerned that when we have sex again that I can't bring her to orgasm because of the urge to pee. I think I would be okay with it if she accidentally peed on me, but I don't think she would be. Typing this out I am beginning to realize that we should just communicate more about it.

I guess my real question was is her urge to pee really the urge to pee or could it be female ejaculation like I have read? It happens everytime that I go down on her so I thought it odd that she would have to pee every time.

Well, you are probably right... it is very odd that she would have to urinate every time you give her oral. You can have her void her bladder before having any fun time, and tell her it's ok to relax and let go. Yes, it is possible for women to have this ejaculation, believe me I know :D It does not happen for every woman, which I believe is part of the reason it is so misunderstood. Also, for some women who it can happen to, they are afraid they will wet the bed, so they hold back and do not allow themselves the pleasure they deserve. With that being said, she is pretty pregnant, so it is quite possible she does have to pee. Just reassure her it's ok. Tell her you believe she is going to have female ejaculate, not urine. How can you tell the difference? Urine has that distinct smell, it's yellow, and it tastes salty. Female ejaculate smells sweet, is clear, and tastes sweet... it is also very lubricating whereas urine is not. If she has this building up and does not let go, it will go to the bladder to be voided out with urine. This probably reaffirms her belief that she had to urinate.

The only thing you can do is reassure her and tell her it's OK to let it go. If you want, you can put some towels down, or a chux (what they put under you in the hospital) which you can buy at any drug store.

I believe the urge to pee is quite common. I know I have felt like I had to pee soo bad on a few occasions but i couldn't actually pee! Not just oral either. If I ride my guy JUST right, i rub my self in such a way it builds up that feeling around my bladder and stuff. There's actually a nerve down there that can trigger the urge to urinate. So, you are probably just hitting that spot (which is good, I think!)

I would talk to her. She may just feel embarrassed about the feeling and doesn't want to pee on you. I don't think she would urinate on you every time, but if you are okay with the occasional leak or squirt then I think you guys will be just fine! :) I know I have been scared I would pee on guys i've been with. I have yet to actually do so. Who knows, maybe you'll enjoy water sports eventually. I don't enjoy it, but I did do it with a previous BF that really liked it. Was odd trying to pee on command! It wasn't a turn on for me, but it was for him and made the sex fun. I'm not encouraging water sports, but I am saying don't be afraid of a little urine. Urine actually isn't too bad on the icky side. If anything it's mostly water and wasted nutrients.

Anyways. I think talking would be great :) what Sub said is great too! Encourage her. Make her feel awesome! You love her and show her. Hormones are crazy during pregnancy: one child will make her horny as heck and the next well make her blah! so, maybe this one is just your blah. But I would suggest being romantic and showing her you love her and all that nice stuff. That alone may get her in a sexy mood. Honestly, I would love to have a kid. I suspect i"d be the horny one! hehe. I'm already the horny one of my relationship!