Ask Dan & Jennifer

Yes, women some times want that.

But usually this can ruin the relationship. If I where you I would read around on here and learn how to get her off while having sex. There are many great resources on this forum and other parts of this website.

It's better if you just stay with her and don't have sex with someone else. If you do it can damage and ruin your marriage.

Originally posted by: techbob77
I've not had a huge amount of sexual experience(okay none before I got married to my awesome wife-was overly religious for quite a long time(stopped that like 2 years prior to meeting my wife) and not confident with women). watching videos here so hopefully that cums soon. ;)

Awesome, learn all you can about having great sex, i.e. pleasing her. if you make her "very happy" in bed, she'll make you very happy in bed. Focus on her.

But here's where it gets interesting. sex is not just about missionary position penetration. The main drive for sex (especially in women, though not exclusively so) is mental, not physical.

This is where fantasies and those supposedly "dark" desires that nobody likes to talk about (though we ALL have them) come in.

Originally posted by: techbob77
On a number of occasions she said why don't you try to learn from someone else, it seemed she was saying prostitute but of course I laugh that off.(not as ridiculous as it sounds it was prior to a vacation in vegas) This was about 6 months ago.

What she's doing (and apparently has been trying to do for some time) is this. She's trying to share with you some of her fantasies. In fact it's something we strongly recommend to couples to proactively pursue - to come out and share fantasies with one another.

That is very special and awesome, it's a great bonding experience for a couple. Listen closely to what she has to say. She may have meant a prostitute, but that's quite unlikely... here's a thought: next time she says something like that, take a moment, get a hold of yourself and be totally open and welcoming, and ENCOURAGE her to tell you what she has in mind.

Originally posted by: techbob77
Then on some show more recently that was on the radio for like 3 minutes women were talking about swinging usual responses-"yuck", and "if I was to do that I'd go and do that on vacation in another town so I can't be seen again"-. She was like see other people have sex with other women and are married.

Those comments are very superficial and shallow (like most morning talk radio unfortunately), and ultimately very unhelpful. Truth is many couples (millions) are sexually adventurous (i.e. "swinging" though that's becoming a dated term) and many of them are very happy and very close, more so than many couples who won't even talk about such a thing. Frankly that last point I believe is the very rason so many of those couples are happy: the ability to talk openly about anything.

Here's a question: if a woman walks by and you find her attractive, would your wife be offended, mad, or threatened? if it were reversed, would you be? that's basic jealousy, which comes from a fear of loss, a lack of ultimate trust.

Originally posted by: techbob77
I don't want to get in hot water really, so I'm trying to figure out if this means "I want to try threesome with another girl". She doesn't seem to be bisexual or curious from all I can tell. But it would seem pretty odd to say what she's saying without wanting to do that.

Now to the bottom line. she's trying to open up to you with her inner desires, her fantasies. don't laugh it off, take it very, very seriously.

And remember that we're all constantly growing, changing, evolving. Our wants, needs, desires are always changing... both yours AND your wife's. You don't have to want the same things, but you do have to be open enough in your relationship to where the things you want don't become mutually exclusive.

So it is now your move. plan a romantic evening with her, and when she's relaxed and you're enjoying a few glases of wine, etc. bring this stuff up gently, ask her to elaborate on what she was thinking.

The trick for you will be to listen fully and encourage her to express herself, you'll have plenty of time to process and ponder later.

Let us know how it goes!!
Dan

I wasn't saying that conversation on the radio was good advice, it just made her make that comment.

Thanks for responding, don't usually get the hosts of a site responding to questions.

I don't really feel like if she walked by a guy and said "that guy looks hot" that I'd have a problem, I know my wife loves me. I think just generally it's acceptable for a woman to look, but it's not really something I try to do(I guess I consider it wrong or something). I don't think that I've ever been told "why are you looking at that girl?" or whatever. Granted I never go clubbing(not appealing to me never has been), hit the bars, or beach(western new york is never hot enough usually to go there) so that probably has something to do with it.

I'll have to see when I can bring it up, probably after she says something again. I'd do the drinking thing but drinking isn't really possible right now since we are trying to have a baby and that effects the chances of that.

I'm going to try to have us pick a video per week and then discuss the information, maybe it will just come up naturally.