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As all of these entries start, I grew up in a conservative home.
A conservative home, and a biiiiiiiig, very loving family. Yet strictly conservative all the same. We can't tell our grandma that one of my cousins is gay, for example. Also, my grandma hasn't forgiven my cousin (who is 35) for getting pregnant outside of marriage, despite the fact that she is a wonderful mother with a beautiful daughter who is well taken care of.
So, all my life I grew up hearing "no sex until marriage, or you WILL get pregnant." or "no sex until marriage, or we WILL disown you."
Now, I'm 19 (20 in a month!) and have never been in a relationship before where I was in a position to have it move into a sexual level, until now. In high school I was kind of a loner and my first real boyfriend was also a virgin and very timid about the subject (which led to us breaking up).
I've been with my current boyfriend for 6 months, and while he's no virgin, he respects me having wanted to wait a while before things got heavy. Also because I won't be moving into a single apartment until September when I go back to school, and I refused us doing anything while I had a roommate and could be walked in on.
But now that its closer to that deadline, I've been getting nervous. Not about the act itself, I trust him and even if things go awry, I wouldn't mind losing it to him. The fact is that I'm paranoid about two things:
1. the usual "crap I could get pregnant" issue and
2. if my family finds out, because I will be berated and possibly disowned.
As for the first one, I know its paranoia, since I'm already on BC and I have a "no condoms, no sex" rule, so that's covered and there's nothing more I can do about that.
Its the second one I'm actually terrified about. I'm an adult, but when not at school I live at home since I can't afford to live on my own, and what I'm scared of is if they decide to toss me out because of it.
Also, my extended family which I'm very close too will probably berate me for it, and I'm not sure how to go through with that.
I know I'm old enough to make my own choices, but I'm worried about what to do if those choices aren't acceptable to my family and everyone I'm close to. I'm also worried about what to tell my boyfriend since he's already a bit annoyed at me setting all the terms for our future sex life.
Help?
A conservative home, and a biiiiiiiig, very loving family. Yet strictly conservative all the same. We can't tell our grandma that one of my cousins is gay, for example. Also, my grandma hasn't forgiven my cousin (who is 35) for getting pregnant outside of marriage, despite the fact that she is a wonderful mother with a beautiful daughter who is well taken care of.
So, all my life I grew up hearing "no sex until marriage, or you WILL get pregnant." or "no sex until marriage, or we WILL disown you."
Now, I'm 19 (20 in a month!) and have never been in a relationship before where I was in a position to have it move into a sexual level, until now. In high school I was kind of a loner and my first real boyfriend was also a virgin and very timid about the subject (which led to us breaking up).
I've been with my current boyfriend for 6 months, and while he's no virgin, he respects me having wanted to wait a while before things got heavy. Also because I won't be moving into a single apartment until September when I go back to school, and I refused us doing anything while I had a roommate and could be walked in on.
But now that its closer to that deadline, I've been getting nervous. Not about the act itself, I trust him and even if things go awry, I wouldn't mind losing it to him. The fact is that I'm paranoid about two things:
1. the usual "crap I could get pregnant" issue and
2. if my family finds out, because I will be berated and possibly disowned.
As for the first one, I know its paranoia, since I'm already on BC and I have a "no condoms, no sex" rule, so that's covered and there's nothing more I can do about that.
Its the second one I'm actually terrified about. I'm an adult, but when not at school I live at home since I can't afford to live on my own, and what I'm scared of is if they decide to toss me out because of it.
Also, my extended family which I'm very close too will probably berate me for it, and I'm not sure how to go through with that.
I know I'm old enough to make my own choices, but I'm worried about what to do if those choices aren't acceptable to my family and everyone I'm close to. I'm also worried about what to tell my boyfriend since he's already a bit annoyed at me setting all the terms for our future sex life.
Help?
